Fallacious Fitness Facts

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The following comes to you courtesy of Critterman. Thanks, Crit. All contributions are welcome.

Fallacious Fitness Facts


Question: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
Answer: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it...don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart rate will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Question: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
Answer: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism for delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (a green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Question: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
Answer: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Question: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
Answer: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your body/fat ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Question: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
Answer: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...Good!

Question: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
Answer: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! These days, foods are fried in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated with it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Question: Will doing sit-ups prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
Answer: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Question: Is chocolate bad for me?
Answer: Are you crazy? HELLO....Cocoa beans....another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Question: Is swimming good for your figure?
Answer: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Question: Is getting in shape important for my life style?
Answer: Hey! “Round” is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you might have had about food and diets

[cuffedlinks]

...funny stuff!!

[KathyMc]

Why didn't I read this before I started starving and walking miles.