11-19-2004
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#1 (permalink) |
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Class Clown
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Posts: 9,113
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Handy Weather Chart
Threads frequently appear discussing weather in the various parts of the country where Forum Folk reside. Horror stories are generally the order of the day. While a form of the following was on the board last winter, I felt you might enjoy this incarnation. Some of the names of communities that you will not recognize are locations in my home province of Manitoba. It's snowing lightly here in Winnipeg as I speak. Our first of the year really (ignoring some quite heavy, but short-lived incidents last month), but we'll see if it lasts. I hope not. Mrs. B and I are off to Iowa on Tuesday, and I'd rather not be fighting snow on the roads.
Handy Weather Chart + 10 Degrees Torontonians turn on the heat Winnipeggers plant gardens + 4 Degrees Vancouverites shiver uncontrollably Winnipeggers sunbathe + 2 Degrees Italian cars won’t start Winnipeggers drive with the windows down 0 Degrees Distilled water freezes Winnipeg water gets thicker - 1 Degree You can see your breath You plan a vacation in Florida Politicians begin to worry about the homeless Winnipeggers eat ice cream - 4 Degrees Toronto water freezes Californians weep pitiably Cats insist on sleeping on your bed with you - 7 Degrees Regina water freezes San Franciscans begin thinking favourably of LA Winnipeg Blue Bomber fans put on T-shirts - 10 Degrees You plan a vacation in Acapulco Cats insist on sleeping under the covers with you Winnipeggers go swimming -12 Degrees Politicians begin to talk about the homeless Too cold to snow Torontonians need jumper cables to start their cars - 18 Degrees Toronto landlords turn on the heat Winnipeggers barbeque North End Winnipeg Kolbasa on the patio - YUM! - 21 Degrees You can hear your breath You plan a vacation in Hawaii - 23 Degrees North American cars don’t start Too cold to skate - 26 Degrees You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo Miamians cease to exist Winnipeggers lick flag poles - 29 Degrees Cats insist on sleeping in your pyjamas with you Politicians actually do something about the homeless Winnipeggers think about taking down the screens - 32 Degrees Too cold to kiss You need jumper cables to get the driver going Japanese cars don’t start Toronto Blue Jays head for spring training - 34 Degrees You plan a two week hot bath Pilsener freezes Bock beer production begins Winnipeggers shovel snow off roofs - 39 Degrees Mercury freezes Too cold to think Winnipeggers do up top button - 42 Degrees Californians disappear Cars insist on sleeping in bed with you Winnipeggers put on sweaters - 46 Degrees Parliamentary hot air freezes Yukoners close the bathroom window Winnipeg Blue Bombers move practices indoors - 51 Degrees Walruses abandon Ellesmere Island Sign on Mount Rundle: “Closed for the Season” Winnipeggers put gloves away, take out mittens Boy Scouts in Brandon start Klondike Derby - 57 Degrees Glaciers form in Winnipeg’s Assiniboine Park Montreal residents replace diving boards with hockey nets Kenora residents organize trans-lake race to Warroad Mount St. Helens freezes - 62 Degrees Polar Bears abandon Baffin Island Girl Guides in Portage La Prairie sell cookies door-to-door Winnipeggers rent some videos - 68 Degrees Edge of Antarctica reaches Rio de Janeiro Lawyers chase ambulances for no more than 10 miles Albertans migrate to Saskatchewan thinking it MUST be warmer - 73 Degrees Santa Claus abandons North Pole Winnipeggers pull down ear flaps - 114 Degrees Ethyl alcohol freezes Winnipeggers get frustrated because they can’t thaw the keg - 183 Degrees Oxygen precipitates out of the atmosphere Microbiological life survives only on dairy products - 265 Degrees Superconductivity achieved - 269 Degrees Helium become a liquid - 270 Degrees Hell freezes over Toronto Maple Leafs win Stanley Cup - 271 Degrees Toronto drivers drop below 85 MPH on Highway 401 - 272 Degrees Incumbent politicians renounce campaign contributions - 273 Degrees (Absolute Zero) All atomic motion ceases Winnipeggers acknowledge it’s “getting a bit nippy”
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 Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a pristine, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!" |
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