Tis the Season

[Lil G]

Originally Posted by Beachnutt719

My favorite holiday pic.

that one is a keeper!

[TAPPY]

Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine wine, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than fine wine. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry,

January is just around the corner. Remember Bumpers signature line (slightly changed to fit the Playa forum) "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Shrimp Taco in one hand, a shot of Tequilia in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

[beachenit]

Words to live by Tappy.

Merry Christmas All.

[Bumper]

Originally Posted by mckinzie

Just trying to decide if i want to go hunt bambi tomorrow or next week

Why don't you just wait a while, Kinz? In about a week and a half, a portly dude in a red suit will be bringing you nine new targets, if you've been good. Guess you'll have to trade in the rifle for a shotgun though. Can you say "skeet"?

Originally Posted by mckinzie

My buddy did offer me a blind date for tonight.

Hey, they aren't all disasters. I met Mrs. B on a blind date, and that's turned out pretty well. She must have been blind, or at least not very bright, she went out with me again, and again, and again....

[Bumper]

Originally Posted by TAPPY

Holiday Eating Tips
January is just around the corner. Remember Bumpers signature line (slightly changed to fit the Playa forum) "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Shrimp Taco in one hand, a shot of Tequilia in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

I loved this one, Tappy. I have it squirreled away in the files, almost word-for-word, and was going to put it in the Forum Fun Features some time before Christmas, but it fits here great. I'll offer the following for your thread:

Politically Correct Holiday Wish


Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all...

And a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2002, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make Canada great, (not to imply that Canada is necessarily greater than any other country), and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revokable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

[StephenB]

I have a little Mp3 of Larry the Cable Guy singing politically incorrect Christmas tunes, but I'd never dare upload to this forum

[Beachnutt719]

Trees up, shoppings done. Can I get any volunteers to wrap?? I hate that part!!

[TAPPY]

Originally Posted by Beachnutt719

Trees up, shoppings done. Can I get any volunteers to wrap?? I hate that part!!

Me too....thank goodness for Gift Bags !!!!!

[Babaloo]

Originally Posted by Beachnutt719

Trees up, shoppings done. Can I get any volunteers to wrap?? I hate that part!!

I'll wrap. I love to wrap.
But.....
You need to shop for me.
I hate to shop.

Jeez...I guess I oughta think about starting.

[denisea]

Gives a totally new meaning to snow cones, eh?

[Bumper]

Christmas Parties


Festivity Level 1:
Your guests are chatting amiably with one another, admiring your Christmas tree ornaments, singing yuletide carols around your upright piano, sipping their drinks and nibbling on hors d’oeuvres.


Festivity Level 2:
Your guests are talking loudly - sometimes to each other, and sometimes to nobody at all, rearranging your Christmas tree ornaments, singing “I Gotta Be Me’, around the upright piano, gulping their drinks, and wolfing down hors d’oeuvres.


Festivity Level 3:
Your guests are arguing vehemently with inanimate objects, singing “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction”, gulping other people’s drinks, scoffing down Christmas tree ornaments, and placing hors d’oeuvres inside the upright piano to see what happens when the little hammers strike them.


Festivity Level 4:
Your guests, hors d’oeuvres smeared all over their naked bodies, are performing a ritual dance around the burning Christmas tree. The upright piano is nowhere to be found.


You want to keep your party somewhere around level 3, unless you rent your home and own firearms, in which case you can go for level 4. The best way to get to level 3 is copious quantities of eggnog.


(Editor's Note: Seems to me there should be a Festivity Level 5, detailing the kind of revelry the PlayaInfo Forum Folk generally indulge in. Might any of you creative, degenerate, imaginative peeps have any suggestions as to its content and description?)

[TAPPY]

I got to go to a level 3 office party tonight !!!!!
Last year some one jumped in the fountain and started taking off their clothes....then some one else barfed all over/in the bossman's shoes.....(he took them off and left them on the side of the dance floor) !!!

I am taking my Camera this year
(hee hee hee evil laugh)

[Bumper]

Originally Posted by TAPPY

I got to go to a level 3 office party tonight !!!!!
Last year some one jumped in the fountain and started taking off their clothes....then some one else barfed all over/in the bossman's shoes.....(he took them off and left them on the side of the dance floor) !!!

I am taking my Camera this year
(hee hee hee evil laugh)

Planning on moving up the corporate ladder are we, Tappy? (Extortion is such an ugly word...just think of it as a career advancment strategy.) Sounds like your other two co-workers engaged in some career limiting activities.

[mckinzie]

Originally Posted by TAPPY

I got to go to a level 3 office party tonight !!!!!
Last year some one jumped in the fountain and started taking off their clothes....then some one else barfed all over/in the bossman's shoes.....(he took them off and left them on the side of the dance floor) !!!

I am taking my Camera this year
(hee hee hee evil laugh)

Take some good pics Mrs. Nawlins

[sctx]

Originally Posted by Bumper

(Editor's Note: Seems to me there should be a Festivity Level 5, detailing the kind of revelry the PlayaInfo Forum Folk generally indulge in. Might any of you creative, degenerate, imaginative peeps have any suggestions as to its content and description?)

yeah, I read thru this and skipped the editors note.... so I was thinkin the same thing Bump. My company's christmas party doesn't seem to fit in any of those categories.... maybe a mobile 4. We ususally party up and down Austin's infamous 6th street (got kicked outta a place called Joe's Generic Garage a couple of years ago!) and by the end of the nite, we end up at the old Driskill Hotel to drink $30 shots of ....... tequila of course ! Then we stumble ustairs and pass out in a $240/nite bed, but not before raiding the mini-bar and racking up a $50 bill

Christmas/New Years in Playa will be just plain dangerous I believe, we may be lucky that SarahB is jettin out before Lil G flys down.... I have a feeling those two combined with Ms Squish would be like gasoline starting fluid on a balsa wood doll house.
But honestly, I have to be a responsible adult, so I'm not gonna do anything personally to ramp up the party tension while I'm down there