Imsg

[STOGEY]

Well the other day on the news, I heard that scientists have found a irritable male syndrom gene. Well I've known that all along that there was something like that. Now I have an excuse for some of the things that I say and do.

[sctx]

that makes sense Stogey....since there are NUMEROUS IFSG's

[Bumper]

Sounds to me like IMSG is a lot like PMS. But before they can come out with anything really definitive in that regard, these high-foreheaded scientific types had best realize there are some basic differences between the male and female sexes. I will point out a few of the more glaring ones here:

Men And Women Are NOT Alike


Relationships:
First of all, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as “that time when me and Suzie were doing it on a semi-regular basis.” When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem entitled “All Men Are Idiots.” Then she will get on with her life, or extract a horrible revenge. Many men have a little trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 AM on a Saturday night, they will call and say, “I just wanted to let you know you’ve ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know there’s always a chance for us.” This is known as the “I Hate You / I Love You” drunken phone call, that 90% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over the apparently instinctive need to make this phone call; alas, these classes rarely prove effective. The other type of man only realizes he was in a relationship when it finishes and immediately goes out and stumbles into another.

Sex:
Women prefer 30-45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-45 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

Maturity:
Women mature much faster than men. Most 17 year-old females can function as adults. The majority of 17 year-old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

Breasts:
Women are often obsessed by the size of their breasts. Men also get obsessed with breasts, particularly large ones.

Hats:
Women look good in hats. Men look like dorks.

Comedy:
Let’s say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of “The Three Stooges” comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man’s favourite stooge. The women will roll their eyes and groan, and wait it out. A female comic will come on and talk about relationships and periods, and men will go for a beer.

Handwriting:
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, coloured stationary, and they dot their “i’s” with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their “p’s” and “g’s”. It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she’s dumping you, she’ll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

Bathrooms:
A man has at most, six items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a woman’s bathroom is 437. A man will not be able to identify more than 15% of these items.

Magazines:
Men’s magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women’s magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is hairy and lumpy and should never be seen unclothed in the light of day.

Groceries:
A woman makes a list of the things she needs and then goes to the store and buys those things. A man waits until the only items left in his fridge are half a lemon and some unidentifiable substance which is turning green. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett’s truck on Beverley Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the ten-items-or-less lane.

Going Out:
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she WILL be ready to go out, as soon as she finds her other earring, finishes putting on her makeup, changes her shoes....

Shoes:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip into Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under her desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for an entire week.

Leg Warmers:
Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she is walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She may wear them any time she wants. A man may only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the “Gimme the Ball” number in the musical “A Chorus Line.”

Cats:
Women love cats. Men may say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Mirrors:
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in any available mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface - mirrors, spoons, store windows, toasters, Joe Garagiola’s head...

Garages:
Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for a great many things. They hang license plates in garages, they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided workbenches in garages.

Movies:
For women, their favourite movie scene is when Clark Gable kisses Vivien Leigh for the first time in “Gone With The Wind.” For men, it’s when Jimmy Cagney shoves a grapefruit in Mae West’s face in “Public Enemy.” Women prefer dialogue and relationships while men favour explosions and nudity.

Jewelry:
Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring, and that’s it. Any more than that, and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic.

Menopause:
When a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a universal reaction - he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche.

Telephones:
Men see the telephone as an instrument of communication. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and talk for three hours.

Low Blows:
Let’s say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of the fighters is felled by a low blow. The woman says, “Oh, gee, that must hurt.” The man doubles over, retching in mortal agony.

Directions:
If a woman is out driving and finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in circles for hours, all the while saying things like, “Looks like I’ve found a new way to get there”, and “I know we’re in the neighbourhood. I recognize that 7-11.”

Admitting Mistakes:
Women will occasionally admit to having made a mistake. The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Armstrong Custer.

Admitting Ignorance:
Women will generally admit if they don’t know something. Men will always offer an answer, no matter how limited their knowledge is on a subject.

Richard Gere:
Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club, and dates only married women.

Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about soccer games, dentist appointments, romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. Men are vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Dressing Up:
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Nudity in Movies:
Every actress in the history of motion pictures has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of the motion picture industry has been produced by a man. The only male actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason men hate him.

David Letterman:
Men think David Letterman is the funniest person on the face of the earth. Women think he is a mean, semi-dorky guy who always has a bad haircut.

Cameras:
Men take photography very seriously. They’ll shell out $4,000 for state-of-the-art equipment, and build darkrooms, and take photography classes. Women purchase Kodak Instamatics, and invariably take dramatically superior pictures.

Politics:
Men love to talk politics, but often forget to do political things, such as voting. Women are very happy that another generation of Kennedys is growing up and getting into politics, because they will be able to campaign for them and cry on election night.

Locker Rooms:
In the locker room, men talk about three things; money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don’t know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic, explicit, and detailed, and THEY NEVER LIE.

Laundry:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside-out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a popular myth.

Weddings:
When reminiscing about weddings, women talk about “the ceremony.” Men talk about “the bachelor party.”

Cheerleaders:
Female cheerleaders are cute, sexy, fresh, and all-American. Male cheerleaders are scary.

Socks:
Men wear sensible socks. They wear standard white sweat socks. Women wear strange socks. They are cut way below the ankles, have pictures of clouds on them, and have a big fuzzy ball on the back.

Toys:
Little girls love to play with toys. Then, when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and impractical. Examples of men’s toys: little miniature TV’s, car phones, complicated juicers and blenders, graphic equalizers, small robots that serve cocktails on command, video games, anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least six “D” cell batteries to operate.

Plants:
A woman asks a man to water her plants while she is on vacation. The man waters the plants faithfully. The woman returns home five days later, to an apartment full of dead plants. Modern horticultural science has not yet been able to determine how this happens.

Moustaches:
Some men look good with moustaches. Their names are Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds. There are no women who look good with moustaches.

Nicknames:
With the exception of female body builders, who call each other names like “Ultimate Pecs”, and “Big Turk”, women avoid the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah, and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah, and Michelle. But if Mike, Dave, Rob, and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut Brain, and Useless.

Eating Out:
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, Rob, and Jack will each throw in $20, though the tab is only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will admit they want change back. When the girl’s bill arrives, out come the pocket calculators.

Shopping:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn’t want, but it’s on sale.

Arguments:
A woman has the last word in every argument. Anything a man is foolish enough to say after that point is merely the start of another argument.

[Seakony]

I have to disagree about the phones.. ever since Cell phones came out..men yak all the time cause they think it's cool.

[sctx]

Originally Posted by Seakony

I have to disagree about the phones.. ever since Cell phones came out..men yak all the time cause they think it's cool.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????? ???????
don't drink and post dear :p

[Softy57]

Much of this is only too true! I use a simple,cheap camera,but get GOOD shots.lol. And we girls NEVER lie about sex in the locker room.
About toys is true too... the only toy my gr. dau still uses is her C.D. player. [age 13]The boys use every electronic gadget known to man.:p [ages 2 to 22]

Sctx...get a grip,there is only one Irritable Female Syndrom Gene....it's called MAN.

[Babaloo]

Originally Posted by Seakony

I have to disagree about the phones.. ever since Cell phones came out..men yak all the time cause they think it's cool.

Wha????????

[STOGEY]

Where I live a one night stand is ugh get out of my car.:p

[Babaloo]

Originally Posted by STOGEY

Where I live a one night stand is ugh get out of my car.:p

Whaaa???

[TAPPY]

Originally Posted by Babaloo

Whaaa???

I dont understand it either Babaloo !!!!

[Nerak936]

Originally Posted by Bumper

Cats:
Women love cats. Men may say they love cats, but when women aren’t looking, men kick cats.

Yeah, but then when you're in the other room, they'll sharpen their claws on your $600 leather jacket and then pee on it too! Payback!!

[sctx]

Originally Posted by Nerak936

Yeah, but then when you're in the other room, they'll sharpen their claws on your $600 leather jacket and then pee on it too! Payback!!

not my (Lil G's) cats!!! they know that would result in a kick over the backyard fence to play with the puppies.... and they just hate cleaning puppy slobber outta their fur !!!

[Bumper]

Originally Posted by Nerak936

Yeah, but then when you're in the other room, they'll sharpen their claws on your $600 leather jacket and then pee on it too! Payback!!

At our annual Christmas Open House a couple of years back, we had guest's coats piled on the bed in one of the bedrooms. One of the fur people who live here climbed up on the pile for a sleep - a good spot for a catnap, undoubtedly full of unusual smells, and barfed in the pocket of my mother-in-law's coat. Not on the garment, but actually in the pocket. Carrying neatness to the ridiculous extreme, as far as I'm concerned, but funny. They hadn't had a real warm connection up to that point, and that little excapade went a long way to cementing that strained relationship. (I only had to tip him a few Pounce cat treats, too.)

[CaroleLB]

"and barfed in the pocket of my mother-in-law's coat. Not on the garment, but actually in the pocket."

omg I have tears running down my face!!!

[Big Kahuna]

I have always known about the IMSG.

It's common name is...Lackanookie.

My twins both suffer from it!