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Woke up a little before 7:00 on Monday morning……. stumbled downstairs, made some coffee and sat out by the pool …… nice place this Villa Los Almendros ....with it’s Ikea meets Mexico interior, very cool pool area, nice rooftop terrace w/ a view of the town, and nice quiet location, we couldn't have done any better!!!….. can’t figure out why James and Anna would wanna leave this for a bunch of snow and tall blonde chicks …… sorry, I don’t do food pics OR lodging pics, so you’ll just have to buy the place to see for yourself …….. one of the community cats finally came up and got some attention from me, and he spent the next 30 minutes bitchin for more luv until Donna woke up and scared him off ……. Lil G woke up soon afterwards, and after she tanked a cup of coffee, I kicked her in the butt to get dressed so we could proceed with her belated birthday present !!!……. now, if you ask Lil G where her favorite place for breakfast would be, she might pop off and tell you the Driskill Hotel in Austin, or Jacko’s incredible Seasons restaurant….. but more than likely, she’ll smile and go on a rave about La Cueva del Chango in Playa…… so when I told her

“Happy Birthday, your goin to La Cueva del Chango for breakfast”

she was the happiest chica on earth !!!……. So, in about 10 minutes, we were walkin into La Cueva and grabbed our preferred table in the back corner of the garden…..... ordered up custom juices and some coffee ……. For actual food, I was jonesin for some huevos rancheros, Donna got sumthin that I can’t remember, and Lil G ordered up her usual bowl-O- yogurt/granola/fruit …….. always enjoy the view in the garden at La Cueva, it reminds me of having breakfast in my front yard



Sucks To Be Me Pic #8



.....Breakfast was awesome, but it was now time to move on with the rest of Lil G’s belated birthday present, so me and Donna led Lil G out to 5th Ave, headed south, hung a right on Calle Corazon, and then shoved her into Spa Itza for an “Absolute Mayan” spa day !!!…….. she was kinda freakin on this ......... as she had never done a spa day before …… Donna kept jokin around and askin Lil G

“are you ready to get nekkid??? ”

Lil G still looked kinda apprehensive but me and Donna didn’t stick around long enough for her to back out on this (from Spa Itza’s site):
“Absolute Mayan”
A perfect blend of our Mayan Healing Remedies, first relax in our Roof Top Sauna or Vapor Lodge, then start your experience with our Mayan Salt Exfoliation (45 min), Papaya Honey Body Antidote (45 min) Itzá Massage (50 min) A Mayan Bath (50 min), to finish Mayan Ear Candling (10 min).
Treatment Time: 4 hours (aprox.)

So, Lil G was getting nekkid ....and me and Donna were headin down to Zenzi to chill out on the beach and get our drink on…….. wow!!!…….. this Zenzi place is plush !!!……. nice bar with great detailing and cool upholstered beach chairs with sun shades……. And our waitress was pretty cute too !!!…….. normally, I don’t dig chicks with no hair, but she was quite hot …. And very sweet too !!!…….. ordered up my usual beach drink, Don Julio and pineapple juice…. Waitress seemed kinda confused at first since I didn’t have some fancy name for it…. Don Julio y jugo de pina, por favor …….. chilled for quite a while, enjoying the view





Sucks To Be Me Pic #9



Donna's monkey toes



….. and then I remembered I had to turn in the Mark V ……. So, I left Donna on the beach, ran back to Villa de Alemdros, jumped in the Mark V and sped down to the rental car place…….. everything was goin fine until they wanted to check the car for damages…….. ....fine, whatever…..

“you’ve got my checkout sheet right……. The one with 12,256 marks on it denoting dents and scratches”

“oh, si !!!”

well, the car hop dude checks the mileage, the gas, checks the truck for the spare and jack…. And then he proceeds to walk the exterior looking for scratches and dents….. I guide him thru each of the marks on the paper and explain which dent/scratch they correspond too…….. everything was goin fine !!!…….. well….. until we got to the front bumper …… seems there were paint remnants from something, a mark that appeared to be some kinda rubber tire mark, and a 12” hairline crack !!!……. so, he calls the manager out and they start looking at the damages and mumblin in Spanish, so, I break into the discussion and volunteer

“it’s got ¼ tank of gas, it was empty when ya’ll gave it to me”

well, manager dude says

“oh, the gas is no problem, it’s all these dents on the bumper”

so, I referred him back to my checkout sheet

“mira,mira,mira…. Muchas marcas aqui!!!”

well, they mumbled amongst themselves for a while longer and manager dude informed me he’d have to call the Cancun office to verify any pre-existing damage
“M#*%^*F#^^*% !!!.... I'm screwed !!! "

so, manager dude calls Cancun and after a few seconds, looks at me and says

“everything is fine”
...and he hands me back my deposit charge slip
SWEEEEEEEEEEEET !!!!!!…….. I was sure I was gonna have to pay for a new bumper after sailin the Mark V over that tope in Tankah!!!

....So, I hoofed it back to the beach, found Donna right where I left her, ordered up another Don Julio y jugo de pina, and got back to my chillin !!!……….. soon, we were invaded by Big Dave and Kim…….. and then Sharkey showed up with some dude named Redneck Steve and his hot travelin companion Mandy…… and then Jez showed up….. and soon, it was a freakin beach party !!!……. everybody proceeded to get their drink on while waiting for the final transfer of funds to go thru and close the deal on the Beer Bucket….. I sat down and talked with Sharkey for a while about some of his new business prospects and inevitably, the soon conversation turned to Ron….. but I headed this off at the pass by saying

“you know Sharkey, I’m just a freakin tourist down here, and over the years, I’ve had some great times with both you and Ron….I really appreciate that man...… And when I leave here Wednesday morning, I’ll leave with both of you as my friends”

Sharkey laughs, slaps me on the back and says

‘Scott…. I like you man!!!

…… then we went back to our drinkin …….. Donna got hungry after a while, so I told her to order sumthin up…..... Shoulda been more specific I guess, cuz 15 minutes later, cute no haired girl brings out a plate full of sushi looking stuff
….. some kinda shrimp biscuit thingies, salmon and ahi rolls (they looked almost edible), some other thingy that I couldn’t identify, 3 different sauces…. And some octopus tentacles ………. Oh crap!!!……… I REEEEEEEEALLY shoulda been more specific ……… oh well, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right???…….. .....or it make you puke on the sand !!!……… started with the ahi/salmon rolls and worked my way towards the tentacles……. Took my time, but soon, I had to choke one down …. So I concentrated intently and prepared myself to puke….. but actually, it wasn't bad…. Tastes like chicken !!!….. like raw chicken …… well, m’Donna wasn't too turned on by the octopus either, so I began to scout around for some sucker to finish the tentacles ….. Big Dave wouldn’t go for it, either would Kim or Mandy …. Didn’t even bother askin Sharkey….. so that left….. Redneck Steve !!!

“Hey Redneck…. Want some of this octopus ???…….. it’s REEEEEEEEEEEEALLY GOOOOOOD!!!……. tastes like chicken ”

“Is it gonna make me puke???”

“Oh, no way dude, it’s good…. You’ll love it”

yeah, there really is a sucker born every minute!!!

Steve grabs a tentacle and chows it down…. Then he turns kinda purple and starts to gag …....but damn, he actually held it down!!!

“mmmmmmmmm……… tastes like chicken”

“grab some more dude, we got plenty”

“uhhhhhhhh…. Ya’ll go ahead, I’m full”

well, at least I got rid of one tentacle ….... there must be some sucker out there that will finish off the other three!!!!………. well, it didn’t take long, and that sucker appeared on the horizon….. Stewart G !!! ……. yep, he scarfed that stuff down like it was a NY Strip steak at Chicago Don Jose’s !!!……. around 2:00, Donna took off to round up Lil G at the Tequila Barrel and direct her to Zenzi…….. WOW !!! ……. Lil G was grinning ear to ear when she hit the beach …… apparently she really digs this spa day Shiite …….. of course, she proceeds to tell us all about it….... The sauna.... ..... the exfoliation scrub.....the honey smear..... the massage..... the being bathed by the cute Mayan cabana boy……..

“WHAT????”

“WHAT WAS THAT???…… I paid $250 for some Mayan dude to bathe my wife????…….. WTF????……… go back and get me his damn name and address so I can send HIM a bill for $250 !!! ”


oh well, it was her birthday present and she obviously had a wonderful time …. Hopefully not TOO wonderful though ……. Well……..anyway….. it was worth it cuz she was havin all the other chicks stroke her skin and feel how smooth she was and that was kinda hot !!!

ok, gotta take a break now…. this was another very long and very good day !!!..... I can’t possibly cover it properly while watchin the Pistons/Celtics game at the same time…….. besides, it’ll take me at least an hour to type up the story about Jez’s new girlfriend… she’s quite the hottie !!!