News Flash: The Squishter turns 72!

[Nerak936]

I wish I'd read all these hangover helpers before last Monday morning. Didn't feel human til Tuesday.

Keep in mind, Squish..... the hangovers hit HARDER and last LONGER the older you get. And if you think older = wiser, think again. From what I've been told (as a non-parent), hangovers and child birth both seem to fade in the memory... thus you're more apt to put yourself through it again!

[sctx]

I'd say that hangover didn't make it till noon.........

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Nerak936

From what I've been told (as a non-parent), hangovers and child birth both seem to fade in the memory... thus you're more apt to put yourself through it again!

Depends on the size of the child, me thinks! After my second almost-10 pound baby, I'll never be able to fade that from memory as much as I try!!

But I keep on drinking......

[Nerak936]

Originally Posted by Ginger

Depends on the size of the child, me thinks! After my second almost-10 pound baby, I'll never be able to fade that from memory as much as I try!!

But I keep on drinking......

OUCH!!!

[STOGEY]

I'm biting I guess....Happy Belated Birthday Squish...but there is noooo freaking way I am believing that you are anywhere near 72. This IS sime kind of big joke,right??
Even if it's not,there is no way I'm gonna buy you any older than 40 something.
Stogey is away & the puter is screwy so this is Softy57-Gail,but I stand by it. You ain't a day over 40!
Lord help me,if I'm wrong, give me the # of your plastic surgeon. I'll be calling him right up!

[Bumper]

Originally Posted by Ginger

Before you go to bed on said night of over-consumption, drink two glasses of OJ and two glasses of water washing down two advil tablets and a multi-vitamin.

Works like a charm! By morning your body is re-hydrated, and pumped up with all the vitamins including vitamin C that you lost to the alcohol.

Really, it works.

Sounds like a plan, as long as you don't mind the fact that you will have wet the bed. Also, have you ever noticed what a blazingly, blinding white Extra Strength Tylenol tabs are in the cold light of morning?

I offer the following, in the interest of science...

HANGOVER RATINGS


1 Star Hangover
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere nap, which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad you are able to function reasonably well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 cans of pop and still feel this way. Even vegetarians are craving a rare steak, with a side of fries and gravy, from any roadside truck stop.

2 Star Hangover
No pain. Something is definitely amiss. You may look okay to a casual observer, but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you chug in huge quantities, to try to help you remain focused, is only adding to the deafening sound of your rumbling gut. You have an almost uncontrollable desire for a Rootie-Tootie Fresh and Fruity Flapjack Breakfast from the International House of Pancakes. Last night has wrecked havoc on your reluctant bowels and even though you have a reasonable demeanor about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money, because all you can really handle is surfing Internet porn and writing junk E-mails.

3 Star Hangover
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are just taking up space at work, and are thoroughly unproductive. Any time a girl walks by, you gag back a hurl because her perfume recalls the heady aroma of the shooters you did with your alcoholic buddies just before the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 AM. Life would be better now if you were in bed with a dozen Krispee Kreme doughnuts, watching a lingerie show on the Fashion Channel. You’ve had four cups of coffee, a gallon of water, three strawberry/kiwi Snapples, and a litre of Diet Coke - yet you haven’t peed once.

4 Star Hangover
Life sucks. Your head has a built-in jackhammer and you can’t speak too quickly or you’ll upchuck. Your boss has already ripped you a new asshole for being late and lectured you at length for reeking of booze. You wore a nice outfit, but that can’t hide the fact you missed an oh-so-critical spot when shaving. If you’re a girl, your makeup looks like it was applied while you were riding the bumper cars. Your teeth have sweaters, your eyes seem to indicate you’re in imminent danger of bleeding to death, and your head looks the individual hairs are trying to avoid each other. You would gladly shoot your mother for one of the following;
1. The clock to strike 5:00 PM.
2. The entire appetizer list from TGI Friday's.
3. A time machine so you could go back and NOT go out last night.

5 Star Hangover
The thunderous pounding in your head is actually disturbing the inhabitants of neighbouring cubicles. Tequila vapour is seeping out of your pores and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth. You’ve lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is threatening to suffocate you. You’d cry, but that would squander your body’s last remaining reserves of moisture. Death seems an increasingly attractive option. Your boss has abandoned abusing you and your co-workers think your dog has died, based on your pitiful whimpering and pathetic appearance. You should have called in dead, because “sick” just doesn’t do justice to your current condition. All you are capable of doing is attempting to piece together who you were with, where you were, what you drank, who stepped on your tongue as you made your way home, who the Hell is that stranger sleeping in your bed back at home - and is it a he or a she? You can barely manage to choke down a blindingly-white handful of Tylenol Extra Strength, and pass out on your keyboard. It’s when you wake up a few hour later with a lesser-rated hangover (in the 2 to 3 star range) that you can eat a large anchovy and onion pizza, an order of Kung Pao chicken, a ham and cheese omelette, and a whole batch of Rice Krispie treats.

[Critter]

Don't stop drinking!

[TAPPY]

Originally Posted by Ginger

Depends on the size of the child, me thinks! After my second almost-10 pound baby, I'll never be able to fade that from memory as much as I try!!

But I keep on drinking......

I hear ya Ginger...