PMS Quiz

[Bumper]

O'boy, I think I could get in trouble for this one...

PMS Quiz

Instructions: Please answer each question as honestly as possible.

1) A woman's place is in the:
a) House (or Senate)
b) Bedroom
c) Office
d) Sitting in a deep dark cellar plotting to cut a man's entrails out and leave it as food for wild jackals

2) When singing in the shower, I will most likely sing:
a) "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park"
b) "Material Girl"
c) "I Touch Myself"
d) Theme from "Psycho"

3) The perfect Christmas gift is:
a) Expensive perfume or intimate evening wear
b) Flowers, a back rub, bubble bath, and a hand-written love sonnet
c) Six-pack of Bud, Domino's Pizza, and an evening of The Shopping Channel
d) Whips, knives and red-hot irons

4) A woman's hairstyle should:
a) Gently accentuate her best features
b) Not resemble a poodle
c) Hide the lobotomy scars
d) Cover the little "666" on the back of the skull and not reveal the demon-horns

5) My personal role-model is:
a) Hillary Clinton
b) Ruth Bader-Ginsberg (Supreme Court Justice)
c) Daisy Duke
d) Lorena Bobbit

6) When it comes to cars, I:
a) Take good care of my car and change my oil regularly.
b) [giggle] What's oil?
c) Think fuzzy dice are cool_!
d) Want a Mercedes... NOW!

7) If you man wants to date me, he must also like my:
a) Family
b) Pet rock
c) Therapist
d) Furniture

8) I have a subscription to:
a) Newsweek and the Wall Street Journal
b) Analog and Rolling Stone
c) National Enquirer and T.V. Guide
d) Ammo Monthly

9) I want to have_____children.
a) Any number, as long as they are healthy
b) Some
c) Your
d) Well-dressed

10) My list of favourite authors include:
a) William Shakespeare
b) Maya Angelou
c) Chairman Mao
d) Marquis DeSade

11) A romantic evening is best spent:
a) Before a roaring fire
b) Having a candle-lit dinner
c) Country line dancing
d) Shopping

12) I want to date a(n):
a) Lawyer
b) Engineer
c) Crew-chief at the local Jiffy Lube
d) Anyone who owns a shoe store

13) I really admire:
a) My parents, for bringing me up right
b) My teachers, for teaching me about life
c) The makers of Velveeta
d) Zsa Zsa Gabor

14) What attracted me most to you (physically) is/are your:
a) Massive chest
b) Tight buns
c) Tattoo collection
d) Credit cards

15) What attracted me most to you (mentally) is/are your:
a) Sparkling wit
b) Open mind
c) Deep understanding of power tools
d) Huh?

16) I really get turned on when you:
a) Are with me
b) Kiss my neck
c) Imitate Beavis and Butt-Head
d) Do the dishes

17) I can't live without:
a) The support of friends
b) Oxygen
c) Entertainment Tonight
d) Makeup

18) If you were really depressed, I would:
a) Listen to your problems
b) Rub your back
c) Get you drunk
d) Laugh

19) My favourite television programs are:
a) NYPD Blue and Home Improvement
b) Roseanne, and Star Trek: TNG
c) This Week In Monster Truck Racing and America’s Most Wanted
d) Lifestyles of the Cruel and Unusual

20) My favourite pig out food is:
a) Low-fat yogurt
b) Haagen Das
c) Gummi worms
d) A man's still quivering heart

21) A man should know where I keep my:
a) House keys
b) Erogenous zones
c) Ear-wax remover
d) Guns

22) I would rather die a slow painful death than:
a) Betray a confidence
b) Betray my country
c) Miss "Wheel of Fortune"
d) Spend one more minute with you

23) The most hellish, vile place on Earth is:
a) Bosnia-Herzegovina
b) Texas
c) Anyplace with less than 40 channels of cable
d) Your bedroom

24) The one phrase I would love to hear is:
a) "Congratulations, Madame President"
b) "Oh-my-god, that’s the winning lottery ticket!"
c) "Wow! I've never seen a woman spit tobacco that far!"
d) "What we can't figure out is how the arsenic got in his food in the first place."

25) If a man was to propose to me, I would:
a) Cry
b) Call my mother
c) Be pregnant
d) Giggle uncontrollably

Please write a 300 word essay on the theme: "A Woman's Role In the Relationship: Helpmate or Saboteur"

Please attach references, a current picture, and a blood sample.