Computer Nerd Test

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There's just WAY too many peeps who hang out on this forum that know WAY too much about computers. It might be appropriate to give yourself one of these tests and see if you really fit the nerd classification.

Computer Nerd Test

1. A friend opens a magazine full of scantily-clad members of your preferred sex. Do you:
A. Openly ogle
B. Act nonchalant
C. Comment "Gee, that's got to be at least 400 dpi, colour!"
D. Slip the hand down the pants for a bit of good, old-fashioned executive relief.

2. You're at a party. Someone comes over and asks you your star sign. You:
A. Tell them to bugger off
B. Lay them one in the groin, then tell them to bugger off.
C. I don't go to parties.
D. I don't get invited to parties.

3. You're at the head of a long line-up in front of a cash-register in a large department store. The register gives a “beep” and stops dead. You:
A. Wait patiently
B. Plant all the stuff you were going to buy in a nearby baby carriage and call the store detective (to while away the time)
C. Break out your ever-present Pentium notebook and try to debug the thing
D. I don't know

4. You're shopping for some personal hygiene equipment when the druggist runs up saying the prescription database on his 386 is corrupt. You:
A. What's a prescription database?
B. What's a 386?
C. What's personal hygiene?
D. What was the question again?

5. A friend wants to borrow a record from you. You:
A. Lend it out, and tell them it's a boomerang.
B. Tell them to go buy it.
C. Consult the database to see that status of the record concerned
D. Sell it to them for a beer.

6. You'd most like to meet:
A. The person who wrote "Gulag Archipelago"
B. The person who wrote "War and Peace"
C. The person who wrote MSDOS
D. A person who can write

7. You win a "Grocery-Grab" at a local supermarket. You've got one minute to pack a cart with as much stuff as you can. You start:
A. In the liquor section
B. In the snack foods aisle
C. In the stationery aisle
D. At the cash register

8. You've been hit by a car and your life flashes before your eyes. The thing you remember most vividly is:
A. Your mother's voice as a child
B. Your first love
C. Trigonometry log tables.
D. The tire pressure was maybe a little too high

9. You get to compete on The Dating Game. You’re allowed to make one statement to change the selector’s mind about you. You say:
A. I've got a 12 inch tongue
B. I can go all night
C. I've got a 500 Mhz Alpha station with 128 megs of ram
D. I've killed 5 people

10. You feel naked without your:
A. Electric guitar
B. Wallet
C. Your MacIntosh Owner’s Manual
D. Axe

11. You see someone standing on a ledge, about to jump. You can save them if you say the right thing. You say:
A. I know things are bad, but do you want to talk about it?
B. I feel you just need someone to talk to
C. Want to come and play on my notebook, I have Star Wars Battlefront?
D. I bet you haven't got the guts.... . . . Oh, I see you did...

12. You told your best friend the first time you:
A. Had Sex
B. Had Oral Sex
C. Got a Ram expansion
D. Killed a cat.

13. No-one understands you like:
A. Your Mother
B. Your Father
C. Your PC
D. Your Parole Officer

14. For your 18th birthday you wanted:
A. A Car
B. A Shaver
C. Another 4.6 Gig SCSI hard drive
D. Some piano wire, and the neighbour’s cat

15. It's a stag party for one of your friends. You and the rest of your friends all put money in for:
A. A set of driving mirrors
B. A stripper
C. A VGA monitor so you can check out “alt sex pictures of girlies” site
D. A stripper with a set of driving mirrors

16. You want to improve your social life. You:
A. Ask people to go out with you.
B. Join a club to meet new people
C. What’s a social life?
D. Drink yourself unconscious and forget about it.

17. Your ideal partner would have:
A. Looks
B. Intelligence
C. A 1.2 Gig hard drive, twin floppies, VGA monitor, and 128 meg memory
D. Money

18. You have the most horrific nightmare of your life. It involves:
A. You driving off a cliff
B. You showing up somewhere with no clothes on
C. A tax on pocket protectors and horn-rimmed eyeglass frames
D. A hungry pit bull, your private parts, and some marinara sauce

19. You're on The Dating Game TV program. The question you would ask is:
A. "Name the weirdest place you ever kissed someone"
B. "Name the weirdest place you ever made love"
C. ”Name the weirdest place you’ve ever re-booted MS DOS Version 4"
D. ”Name the weirdest place you’ve ever played the Sousaphone”

20. Your role model is:
A. Albert Einstein
B. Mother Theresa
C. R2-D2
D. Charles Manson

21. Your favourite fashion accessory is:
A. Doc Martens
B. Collar Studs
C. What’s fashion?
D. An axe

22. If you had your life to live again, would you:
A. Make no changes
B. Make a few changes
C. Upgrade to SVGA
D. Join a Satanic cult

23. Your favourite pickup line is:
A. "I've just won the lottery"
B. "Has anyone seen the keys to my Porsche?"
C. ”I’m a super-user at work”
D. ”Shit, I’m pissed”

24. During sexual climax, you think of:
A. Your partner
B. Your partner's body
C. A 487 co-processor at 52 meg
D. Yourself


Scoring

Mostly A's:
You're normal. Boring Boring Boring. You're the sort of person who'll just fritter their way thru life enjoying themselves and having a good time. Shame on you!

Mostly B's:
You're mostly normal. Nothing a little ECT (Electro-Convulsive Therapy)can't clear away in any case. You mostly come into the "Mostly A's" above.

Mostly C's:
Geek Alert! Break out the pocket protector! With a set of horn rims and a pocket calculator, you're ready for Revenge Of The Geeks - Part #72. You can be the person that gets beat up all the time.

Mostly D's:
So you're a sociopath; But that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Just keep taking the Lithium and everything will be fine

The Nerd Test

Score one point for each YES. The score is % nerdity.

1) Have you ever used a computer? If the answer is no, try taking the Baker House Purity Test.
2) Have you ever programmed a computer?
3) Have you ever built a computer?
4) Done #2 continuously for more than four hours?
5) Done #2 continuously for more than eight hours?
6) ? (For those non-MIT students out there, this translates as, "Do/did you major in electrical engineering or computer science?)
7) Do you wear glasses?
8) Are your glasses broken (e.g. taped)?
9) Is your vision worse than 20/40?
10) Worse than 20/80?
11) Are you legally blind?
12) Have you ever asked a question in a computer training session?
13) Have you ever answered a question in a computer training session?
14) Have you ever corrected a lecturer?
15) Have you ever answered a rhetorical question?
16) Do you sit in the front row?
17) Do you take notes in more than one colour?
18) Have you ever worn a calculator?
19) Do you read science fiction?
20) Have you ever used a microscope?
21) Have you ever used a telescope?
22) Have you ever used an oscilloscope?
23) Is your weight less than your IQ?
24) Have you ever done #2 on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of the same weekend?
25) Have you ever done #2 past 4 am?
26) Have you ever done #2 with someone of the appropriate (either or both, your choice) sex (besides your information systems consultant)?
27) Have you ever done #2 for money?
28) Do you have a Rubik's Cube?
29) Can you solve it?
30) Without the book?
31) Without looking?
32) Do you have acne?
33) Do you have greasy hair?
34) Are you unaware of it?
35) Have you ever bought anything from Radio Shack?
36) From Heathkit?
37) Do you know trigonometry?
38) Do you know calculus?
39) Do you know Maxwell's Equations?
40) Do you have them on a t-shirt?
41) Have you ever dissected anything?
42) Do you know pi past five decimal places?
43) Do you know e past five decimal places?
44) Do you own more than $500 in electronics (excluding stereo)?
45) More than $1000?
46) More than $2500?
47) Have you ever built more than $2500 worth of electronics?
48) Have you ever watched Dr. Who?
49) More than three times in the same night?
50) Have you ever read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?
51) Was your college entry exam’s math score more than 300 points higher than your verbal?
52) Have you ever done a computer project on a Friday night?
53) Have you ever pulled an all-nighter?
54) Have you ever redesigned a major household appliance?
55) Have you ever played a computer game?
56) Done #55 in the last three months?
57) Done #55 in the last three weeks?
58) Have you ever written a computer game?
59) Are your pants too short?
60) Do your socks mismatch?
61) Have you used a chemistry set?
62) After the age of 13?
63) Have you ever played Dungeons & Dragons(or any other roll playing game)?
64) Since high school?
65) Have you ever entered a science fair?
66) Did you win?
67) Do you own a digital watch?
68) Does it play music?
69) Does it have a calculator?
70) Have you ever used a rare earth element?
71) Do you own a CRC?
72) Do you own a CRT?
73) Do you know RPN?
74) Do you own a laser (over 1 mw)?
75) Were you ever on a chess team?
76) A debate team?
77) Do you know more than three programming languages?
78) More than eight?
79) Have you ever made a technical joke?
80) Did no one get it?
81) Can you name more than ten Star Trek episodes?
82) Are you socially inept?
83) Do you own a pencil case?
84) Do you wear it?
85) Do you know Schrodinger's Equation?
86) Have you ever solved it?
87) Have you ever used the word "asymptotic"?
88) Can you count in binary?
89) Have you ever broken into a computer system?
90) A government system?
91) Have you ever changed your bank account?
92) Changed someone else's?
93) Done #92 for money?
94) Have you ever inhaled helium?
95) Do you know the Latin name for the fruit fly?
96) Do you own anything that is radio controlled?
97) Have you ever interpolated?
98) Have you ever extrapolated?
99) Have you ever used a modem?
100) Have you ever reached sexual climax while doing #2?