Astrology Reading You've Never Seen

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Astrology Readings You’ve Never Seen

Everyone will avoid you, even though your personality isn’t infectious.

The extreme monotony of your life will cause you to hallucinate.

You have larger reserves of smug self satisfaction and suppressed feeling of superiority. Draw on these resources. Accept the fact that you will never fully understand why others are inferior to you.

Only use moderation in moderation.

In some ways, yesterday seems long ago. In other ways, it seems like only yesterday.

Necrophiliacs find you attractive.

Optimists will pretend you’re invisible.

You will develop a sense of humour and die laughing at yourself.

Your long life will reflect the advantage of dying young.

You are the Chosen One, just like you always thought.

You need a prescription for a mind-altering drug which has not yet been invented.

Look to premature senility to salvage your self-respect.

Close friends will surprise you on your next birthday with the absence of a party.

You’re a horrible demon trapped in a human body.

Anticipate being pleasantly surprised some time around mid September, 2023.

Take meagre comfort in the saying, “Beauty is only skin deep.”

Tell yourself that a dull life is the sign of a fulfilled person with limited expectations.

An unbelievably rare conjunction of stars means bad luck for the rest of your life.

A trusted friend will outlive you.

Your world is a miserable, doomed place.

Do whatever you want. You don’t matter.

A disfiguring automobile accident will improve your looks.

You were born the wrong sex.

You will soon be able to do all the things sane people can do.

The simple life is your key. It will make you miserable.

You’re too unstable to understand yourself, much less calculus or other human beings.

You should change your definitions of “fat” and “ugly” to save your self-respect.

Neurologists will discover the voices you hear in your head are only echos.

Your hopes and your future have nothing in common.

Your dog finds you repulsive.

You will meet your perfect mate today. Congratulations! It’s yourself.

You will only find peace when you yield completely to society’s control.

Massive doses of radiation could release power hidden in your dormant genes.

You are aging faster than your dog.

Sixty years from now, you will begin to doubt that the only way to fail in life is by not trying.

People who believe, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” will refuse to speak to you.

You’ll never find out if you’re miserable because you’re a failure, or vice-versa.

Listen to your instincts, and do the opposite.

As a member of a global conspiracy, you may control your own future.

You will change your sexual orientation, and then change back when you discover your new acquaintances don’t like you either.

Events later this year will prove your life today isn’t as bad as it could be.

All your fantasies will come true after your imagination is surgically removed.

You may find happiness at the bottom of an ordinary-looking bottle of beer.

You must be over the age of 21. Enter as often as you wish. If you win a hangover instead, congratulations! God hates you.

Your performance reviews may be misleading, but skill at lying, deception, and abusing people’s trust is much more important than winning their approval anyway.

Your loved ones will donate your corpse for scientific research while you’re still healthy.

Over the next few decades you’ll serve as an example that survival does not depend on courage, intelligence, justice, or wisdom.

Cannibalism suits you.

You have a knack for double-think that you never realized you had. In fact, you will never realize it.

You deserve to be disappointed.

You have a special understanding of the mentally ill, and they have a special understanding of you.

Your goldfish resents your control over its life.

You will become obsessively self-conscious about your knobby knees.

You will be thrown out of the sanitarium when your family refuses to pay.

Your lucky number is 511. Play the lottery every day, because you are totally devoid of talent and ability, and unless dumb luck makes you rich, people will continue to shun you.

All of your wide range of multiple personalities are incredibly dull.