Ordering Pizza

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Here it is...very late on a Saturday night...and you've got the munchies...yeah, so what else is new? Gonna' get to the phone and order a pizza? Maybe these hints can make it a more interesting experience for both you and the person on the other end of the line. Enjoy!

OVER 100 WAYS TO ORDER A PIZZA

1. If using a touch-tone phone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo when ordering.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this conversation.”
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you’re going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, and when they ask what you want, exclaim, “Oh, just surprise me!” and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, PUCE, UKRAINIAN, COST-EFFICIENT.
11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12. Sing your order to the tune of your favourite song from Metallica’s “Master of Puppets” CD.
13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
14. Put an extra, slightly maniacal, edge in your voice when you say, “crazy bread.”
15. Stutter on the letter “P”.
16. Ask for a deal available at another pizza outlet, like, “Regular price, five bucks, five bucks, five bucks.”
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they had called you.
20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like soft drinks with that, panic and act disoriented.
21. Tell the order taker you’re depressed. Try to get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Make a list of exotic dishes. Order them as toppings.
23. Change your accent every three seconds.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices, prepared in a fractal pattern as follows, from an advanced trigonometric formula you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, “Bed-wetters camp, right?”
26. Start your order with, “I’d like...” A little later, slap yourself loudly and say, “No, I don’t.”
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say, “Okay, that’ll be $16.95; please pull up at the first window,”
28. Rent a pizza.
29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a loud sigh of relief.
31. Put the accent on the last syllable of “pepperoni.” Use the long “i” sound.
32. Order your pizza, “Shaken, not stirred.”
33. Imitate the order taker’s voice.
34. Say, "And yes, I'd like fries with that."
35. Say, “Are you sure this is (Pizza store)? When they say yes, say, “Well, so is this. You’ve got some explaining to do!” When they finally offer proof that this is, in fact (Pizza store) start to cry and ask, “Do you know what it’s like to be lied to?”
36. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther away from your lips as you speak. When the call is ending, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
37. Tell them to check to make sure your pizza is, in fact dead.
38. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
39. When they say, “What would you like?”, say, “Huh, you mean me?”
40. Play a sitar in the background.
41. Say it’s your anniversary and you’d appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
42. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
43. Ask to see a menu.
44. Quote Carl Sandberg.
45. Say you’ll be able to pay for this when the lottery people call you back.
46. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
47. Ask what topping goes best with a premium, oak-aged, Chardonnay.
48. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then scold your dog and tell him he should be ashamed.
49. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
50. Shout, “I’m through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!”
51. Doze off in the middle of the order, snoring loudly, catch yourself, and say, “Where was I? Who are you?”
52. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
53. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them back, and ask again.
54. Order two toppings, then say, “No, I'd better not,they’ll start fighting.”
55. Learn to properly pronounce the chemical ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that they be included in the pizza.
56. Call to complain about their service. Later, call back and tearfully explain that you were drunk and didn’t really mean it.
57. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his superior that he’s fired.
58. Report a purse snatching to the order taker.
59. Use expletives like, “Great Caesar’s Ghost” and “Jesus, Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town!”
60. Ask for the guy that took your order last time.
61. If he/ she suggests anything, adamantly declare, “I shall not be swayed by your sweet words.”
62. Wonder aloud if you should trim your nose hairs.
63. Try to talk while drinking a chocolate milk shake.
64. Start the conversation with, “My call to (Pizza store), Take 1, and...action!”
65. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
66. Ask about pizza repair and maintenance.
67. Be vague and indecisive with your order.
68. When they repeat your order say, “Again, but with a little more OOMPH this time.”
69. If using a touch-tone phone, dial 9-1-1 every five seconds throughout the call.
70. After ordering say, “I wonder what THIS button on the phone does?” Hang up.
71. Start the conversation by reciting today’s date and saying, “Food almost gone. This may be my last entry.”
72. State your order and say that’s as far as this relationship is going to go.
73. Ask if they’re familiar with the term, “Spanking a pizza.” Make up a description to go with the term. Ask if this is done with their pizzas.
74. Say, “There it is again...did you feel it that time?”
75. Detect the order taker’s psychic aura. Use it to your psychological advantage.
76. When listing the toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
77. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it into the phone.
78. Ask if they would like to sample your homemade pizza. Suggest an even trade.
79. Cultivate the ability to imitate a celebrity’s voice. Stress that you won’t take any crap from some two-bit, can’t-make-it-in-the-real-world, fast-food pushing , pimple-faced loser.
80. Put them on hold.
81. Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the special language on all subsequent orders.
82. Mumble, “There’s a bomb under your seat.” When they ask you to repeat what you said, say, “Sauce smothered with meat.”
83. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say, “No mushrooms, please.” Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
84. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On their third attempt, say, “You just don’t get it, do you?”
85. When you’re given the price, say, “Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math.”
86. Haggle.
87. Order a one-inch pizza.
88. Order term life insurance.
89. When they say, “Will that be all?”. snicker and say, “We’ll find out, won’t we?”
90. Order with a Speak-And-Spell.
91. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make your pizza.
92. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch frequently, and make your voice crack. Act embarrassed.
93. Engage in some serious bartering, offering landscaping services for your pizza.
94. Refrain from using the word “pizza.” Avoid saying it at all costs. If the order taker mentions it, say, “Please don’t use that word.”
95. Have a movie with a good car chase scene, including a gun battle, playing loudly in the background. Yell “OW!”, when a bullet is fired.
96. If the order taker suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
97. Ask if the pizza had its shots.
98. Order a steamed or boiled pizza.
99. Get the order taker’s name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, “This is your (time of day) wake up call, So-and-So.” Hang up.
100. Offer to pay for the pizza by allowing yourself to be the guest-of-honour at a public flogging.
101. If any of these practices are rejected by the order taker, say, in your best pouty voice, “The last guy let me do it.”

FOR ALL READING THIS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS, as a customer service rep for a pizza company even though i don't take many orders anymore you will probabley get hung up on, either that or they will black list you.

[Banzoomba]

Originally Posted by mofi

FOR ALL READING THIS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS, as a customer service rep for a pizza company even though i don't take many orders anymore you will probabley get hung up on, either that or they will black list you.

the dreaded Pizza Black list

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Originally Posted by mofi

FOR ALL READING THIS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS, as a customer service rep for a pizza company even though i don't take many orders anymore you will probabley get hung up on, either that or they will black list you.

I think you can relax, Mofi. I rather doubt that anybody who frequents this board is stupid enough to actually do any of these things. It's a joke...chill out.

Originally Posted by Banzoomba

the dreaded Pizza Black list

Yeah Zoom...the kind of label that can destroy your life, ruin your political ambitions, and haunt you and your family to the grave!

I know its a joke!!! don't worry.