Star Wars

Sol · 05-20-2005

Anyone see the lastest Star Wars movie? What did you think? I will confess that I started snoozing through some of it. I know that this is the final episode that fills in all of the gaps of the prior movies, but still it was somewhat lacking in substance. Natalie Portman's acting was disappointing.

**james** · 05-20-2005

but she looks yummy bald in her new movie!

mckinzie · 05-20-2005

she looks precious.

**Bumper** · 05-20-2005

Jedi Rednecks

Rednecks are not limited to Earth. They exist all over the galaxy, in many different forms. One example is Luke Skywalker, who must have been a redneck because he fell in love with his sister, Leia. But surely he isn’t the only Jedi Knight who happens to be a redneck. So, if you suspect the local Jedi of being a redneck, here’s few ways to tell.

You might be a redneck if...

• Your Jedi robe is camouflage colour.
• You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Jack Daniels.
• At least one wing of your X-Wing fighter is unpainted Bondo.
• There is an ion blaster rack in the back window of your landspeeder.
• You think the best use for your light saber is picking your teeth.
• You can readily describe the taste of Ewok, without using the word “chicken.”
• You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.
• You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda speaks.
• You think Imperial Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets.
• A peaceful meditation session is one without loud, continuous farting.
• You have an X-Wing fighter up on blocks in your yard.
• Your master ever said, “My finger you will pull...hmmm?”
• You ever lost a hand in a light saber duel because you stopped to spit.
• You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force.
• You think the worst thing about spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
• Wookies are offended by your B.O.
• You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you don’t have to wait for a commercial.
• You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
• Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son, c’mon over t’ the dark side...it’ll be a hoot.”
• You have ever used your light saber to clean fish or open a non twist-off beer bottle.
• You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self defense electro-shock thingy to start the barbecue grill.
• You hid your moonshine still on Endor so well even the Ewoks can’t find it.
• You have a stuffed womp rat in your rec room.
• You think the emblem for the Rebel Alliance should be a Confederate flag.
• More than half the droids you own don’t function.
• The number of ion blasters you own exceeds your IQ.
• You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married.
• You use a carbon freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth.
• Your moonshine is made on a real moon.
• You don’t wear a Jedi robe because it makes it awkward to get to the chaw in your back pocket.
• Sand people back down when confronted by your mama.
• You’ve ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI.
• You’ve ever used the force to suffocate someone because they laughed at your accent.
• You’ve ever argued with a Jawa about scavenging rights to a broken droid.
• A Wookie has ever suggested that you need to shave.
• You have ever wrecked a landspeeder because you were distracted by trying to light a cigar with your light saber.
• You don’t think Ewoks are primitive.
• You think an At-At looks like a giant cow.
• You don’t think Jabba the Hut’s pig guards have a hygiene problem.
• The Rancor monster refused to eat you.
• You consider your light saber the ultimate bug zapper.
• You discover that your greatest enemy is, in fact, your father...and your uncle...and your brother...

**Bumper** · 05-20-2005

STAR WARS - EPISODE VII
The post Death Star party on Endor

The following is a synopsis of events after the end of the Return of the Jedi at the 100 keg party on the planet Endor.

Luke Skywalker
Drinks three beers. Becomes the hit of the party by changing keg taps using the force. Later, he accidentally cuts off his other hand while opening a container of chip dip with his light saber. Drinks 2 more beers and passes out.
Quote of the night: “Man, I’ll feel that in the morning.”
Nickname: Lightweight Luke

Han Solo
Disdains the keg, but downs 3 bottles of Guinness and a fifth of Johnny Walker Red. Then shoots 2 Ewoks for pissing on the Millennium Falcon. Next morning, he discovers he had sex with the Ewok chieftain’s wife, thinking she was Princess Leia in a fur coat.
Quote of the night: “Get the Hell away from that landing cycle!”
Nickname: Horny Han

Princess Leia Organa
Being one of the very few females at the party, she is the centre of much attention. She drinks way too much and hooks up with 15 males from 6 different alien races. Throws up during an impromptu strip tease and passes out before midnight.
Quote of the night: “Hey, one at a time!”
Nickname: Leia Lush, or Leia Lot

Chewbacca
Drinks 12 kegs before 11:00. Later, he gets the beer munchies, and having inhaled all the Doritos, devours Wicket W. Warrick. Subsequently belches, destroying a third of the Ewok village.
Quote of the night: “B-U-U-U-U-R P!!”
Nickname: Stainmaster

C3-PO and R2-D2
Discovered in a homosexual encounter in one of the smuggling compartments of the Millennium Falcon, by Admiral Akbar, who was looking for the bathroom.
Quotes of the night: C3-PO - “I can’t find the words in my 6 million forms of communication to express my feelings, R2.”
R2-D2 - “BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP”

Lando Calrissian
Gets drunk sucking up Colt 45's. Expelled from the Ewok village after allegedly selling cocaine to Wicket’s friends and sexually harassing Princess Leia. He claims the charges are racially motivated.
Quote of the night: “Yeah, I came on to her! But if you throw me out for that, you’ll have to throw everybody out.”
Nickname: Coke Calrissian

Wedge Antilles
Killed in a drunk driving incident in his X-wing fighter. Apparently, the Rebel Command Cruiser just jumped right out in front of him. Post-mortem analysis of the small remaining tissue samples show his blood alcohol level to be .43%.
Quote of the night (and last words): “Jesus, look at the size of that thing!”
Nickname: Asshole

That Annoying Guy (The dork that sat next to Lando on the Falcon)
Reportedly switched to speaking clear, articulate English while drunk. Ejected from the party with Lando for drooling.
Quote of the night: “I’m actually a woman.”
Nickname: Slobber

Wicket W. Warrick (see Chewbacca)
Quote of the night: “NO! HELP!!”
Nickname: Lunch

Admiral Akbar
Demonstrated innate liquor funneling ability. Also introduced the Ewok tribe to LSD. After his discovery of R2-D2 and C3-PO (who he actually thought were King Arthur and a larger toaster oven, due to his being so wasted at the time), he and three tripping Ewoks had to be restrained and sedated because they were convinced they were under attack from invisible trolls.
Quote of the night: “Fire all weapons systems. I always wanted to say that.”
Nickname: Acid Akbar

General Naddean
Shoots himself in the leg during a booze-induced flashback to his days in ‘Nam.
Quote of the night: “They’re everywhere, dammit!! They’re everywhere!!”
Nickname: Psycho

Jabba the Hut
Apparently, traces of the deceased arch-villain were found in the Pizza Hut pizza they ordered at midnight.
Quote of the night: Not applicable
Nickname: Pizza Supreme

Despite all the casualties and negative publicity this celebration gave the Alliance, most people who were in attendance agreed, “It was a Hulluva party!”

TEX · 05-20-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by james

but she looks yummy bald in her new movie!

bald is beautiful......

Gimlet · 05-20-2005

http://www.storewars.org/flash/index.html

Lulu · 05-20-2005

heheheh... you gotta watch this.

http://www.ifilm.com/viralvideo?ifilmid=2663936

Karen in NYC · 05-20-2005

I guess you dont go to this movie for the acting.....
I cant wait to see it (episode 3). I understand the END brings you right up to the beginning of Episode 4 (the first one 20+ years ago).

I actually like to watch it for the special effects. I am sure Episode 4 was primitive compared to 3.

**SunKneeMarie** · 05-20-2005

Bald is yummy? Who knew.

05-20-2005

Haven't seen it personally but asked my brother in law after he saw it if he thought it was appropriate for us to take our 8 year old to see and he said no...he said it was very violent and gory and he would not recommend taking our son. Needless to say our son is not happy with us or his Uncle Chris tonight.

He did say he was surprised at how many lose ends they brought together.

Hopefully we will go see it soon...but gosh we still haven't seen Titanic.

................................

Sol · 05-20-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Karen in NYC

I guess you dont go to this movie for the acting.....
I cant wait to see it (episode 3). I understand the END brings you right up to the beginning of Episode 4 (the first one 20+ years ago).

I actually like to watch it for the special effects. I am sure Episode 4 was primitive compared to 3.

The special effects are great! Especially the ones that are part of the final battle. Yeah, don't go to this movie for the acting. I guess the prior Star Wars movies spoiled me. Especially the first ones which had a lot of comic relief.

Sol · 05-20-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by james

but she looks yummy bald in her new movie!

Babaloo · 05-21-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Karen in NYC

I understand the END brings you right up to the beginning of Episode 4 (the first one 20+ years ago).

13 years separates the end of 3 and the beginning of 4 - so I understand.

cuffedlinks · 05-21-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by james

but she looks yummy bald in her new movie!

True...

but lacking compared to another bald sci-fi beauty...
From Star Trek The Motion Picture...
Persis Khambatta - Miss India 1965.

1950 - 1998

05-20-2005	#1 (permalink)
Sol Chupacabras Whisperer Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: The Gem State Posts: 10,995	Star Wars Anyone see the lastest Star Wars movie? What did you think? I will confess that I started snoozing through some of it. I know that this is the final episode that fills in all of the gaps of the prior movies, but still it was somewhat lacking in substance. Natalie Portman's acting was disappointing.

05-20-2005	#2 (permalink)
james beach geek admin Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: 10 year Playa resident lost in Kullavik, Sweden Posts: 9,928	but she looks yummy bald in her new movie! __________________ Get your own signature countdown image!

05-20-2005	#4 (permalink)
Bumper Class Clown Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Winnipeg, Canada Posts: 10,200	Jedi Rednecks Rednecks are not limited to Earth. They exist all over the galaxy, in many different forms. One example is Luke Skywalker, who must have been a redneck because he fell in love with his sister, Leia. But surely he isn’t the only Jedi Knight who happens to be a redneck. So, if you suspect the local Jedi of being a redneck, here’s few ways to tell. You might be a redneck if... • Your Jedi robe is camouflage colour. • You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Jack Daniels. • At least one wing of your X-Wing fighter is unpainted Bondo. • There is an ion blaster rack in the back window of your landspeeder. • You think the best use for your light saber is picking your teeth. • You can readily describe the taste of Ewok, without using the word “chicken.” • You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder. • You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda speaks. • You think Imperial Stormtroopers are just KKK members with really good sheets. • A peaceful meditation session is one without loud, continuous farting. • You have an X-Wing fighter up on blocks in your yard. • Your master ever said, “My finger you will pull...hmmm?” • You ever lost a hand in a light saber duel because you stopped to spit. • You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not THE force. • You think the worst thing about spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. • Wookies are offended by your B.O. • You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you don’t have to wait for a commercial. • You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling. • Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son, c’mon over t’ the dark side...it’ll be a hoot.” • You have ever used your light saber to clean fish or open a non twist-off beer bottle. • You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self defense electro-shock thingy to start the barbecue grill. • You hid your moonshine still on Endor so well even the Ewoks can’t find it. • You have a stuffed womp rat in your rec room. • You think the emblem for the Rebel Alliance should be a Confederate flag. • More than half the droids you own don’t function. • The number of ion blasters you own exceeds your IQ. • You wonder why Luke and Leia gave up on getting married. • You use a carbon freezing chamber to mount the Wampa you shot while on vacation on Hoth. • Your moonshine is made on a real moon. • You don’t wear a Jedi robe because it makes it awkward to get to the chaw in your back pocket. • Sand people back down when confronted by your mama. • You’ve ever used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a speeding ticket or DUI. • You’ve ever used the force to suffocate someone because they laughed at your accent. • You’ve ever argued with a Jawa about scavenging rights to a broken droid. • A Wookie has ever suggested that you need to shave. • You have ever wrecked a landspeeder because you were distracted by trying to light a cigar with your light saber. • You don’t think Ewoks are primitive. • You think an At-At looks like a giant cow. • You don’t think Jabba the Hut’s pig guards have a hygiene problem. • The Rancor monster refused to eat you. • You consider your light saber the ultimate bug zapper. • You discover that your greatest enemy is, in fact, your father...and your uncle...and your brother... __________________ Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a pristine, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!"

05-20-2005	#5 (permalink)
Bumper Class Clown Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Winnipeg, Canada Posts: 10,200	STAR WARS - EPISODE VII The post Death Star party on Endor The following is a synopsis of events after the end of the Return of the Jedi at the 100 keg party on the planet Endor. Luke Skywalker Drinks three beers. Becomes the hit of the party by changing keg taps using the force. Later, he accidentally cuts off his other hand while opening a container of chip dip with his light saber. Drinks 2 more beers and passes out. Quote of the night: “Man, I’ll feel that in the morning.” Nickname: Lightweight Luke Han Solo Disdains the keg, but downs 3 bottles of Guinness and a fifth of Johnny Walker Red. Then shoots 2 Ewoks for pissing on the Millennium Falcon. Next morning, he discovers he had sex with the Ewok chieftain’s wife, thinking she was Princess Leia in a fur coat. Quote of the night: “Get the Hell away from that landing cycle!” Nickname: Horny Han Princess Leia Organa Being one of the very few females at the party, she is the centre of much attention. She drinks way too much and hooks up with 15 males from 6 different alien races. Throws up during an impromptu strip tease and passes out before midnight. Quote of the night: “Hey, one at a time!” Nickname: Leia Lush, or Leia Lot Chewbacca Drinks 12 kegs before 11:00. Later, he gets the beer munchies, and having inhaled all the Doritos, devours Wicket W. Warrick. Subsequently belches, destroying a third of the Ewok village. Quote of the night: “B-U-U-U-U-R P!!” Nickname: Stainmaster C3-PO and R2-D2 Discovered in a homosexual encounter in one of the smuggling compartments of the Millennium Falcon, by Admiral Akbar, who was looking for the bathroom. Quotes of the night: C3-PO - “I can’t find the words in my 6 million forms of communication to express my feelings, R2.” R2-D2 - “BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP” Lando Calrissian Gets drunk sucking up Colt 45's. Expelled from the Ewok village after allegedly selling cocaine to Wicket’s friends and sexually harassing Princess Leia. He claims the charges are racially motivated. Quote of the night: “Yeah, I came on to her! But if you throw me out for that, you’ll have to throw everybody out.” Nickname: Coke Calrissian Wedge Antilles Killed in a drunk driving incident in his X-wing fighter. Apparently, the Rebel Command Cruiser just jumped right out in front of him. Post-mortem analysis of the small remaining tissue samples show his blood alcohol level to be .43%. Quote of the night (and last words): “Jesus, look at the size of that thing!” Nickname: Asshole That Annoying Guy (The dork that sat next to Lando on the Falcon) Reportedly switched to speaking clear, articulate English while drunk. Ejected from the party with Lando for drooling. Quote of the night: “I’m actually a woman.” Nickname: Slobber Wicket W. Warrick (see Chewbacca) Quote of the night: “NO! HELP!!” Nickname: Lunch Admiral Akbar Demonstrated innate liquor funneling ability. Also introduced the Ewok tribe to LSD. After his discovery of R2-D2 and C3-PO (who he actually thought were King Arthur and a larger toaster oven, due to his being so wasted at the time), he and three tripping Ewoks had to be restrained and sedated because they were convinced they were under attack from invisible trolls. Quote of the night: “Fire all weapons systems. I always wanted to say that.” Nickname: Acid Akbar General Naddean Shoots himself in the leg during a booze-induced flashback to his days in ‘Nam. Quote of the night: “They’re everywhere, dammit!! They’re everywhere!!” Nickname: Psycho Jabba the Hut Apparently, traces of the deceased arch-villain were found in the Pizza Hut pizza they ordered at midnight. Quote of the night: Not applicable Nickname: Pizza Supreme Despite all the casualties and negative publicity this celebration gave the Alliance, most people who were in attendance agreed, “It was a Hulluva party!” Last edited by Bumper; 05-20-2005 at 04:09 PM..

05-20-2005	#9 (permalink)
Karen in NYC way into it Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: New York City Posts: 207	Star Wars... I guess you dont go to this movie for the acting..... I cant wait to see it (episode 3). I understand the END brings you right up to the beginning of Episode 4 (the first one 20+ years ago). I actually like to watch it for the special effects. I am sure Episode 4 was primitive compared to 3.

05-20-2005	#3 (permalink)
mckinzie lightweight Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Highland Village,Tx (Kinz Standard Time) Posts: 13,552	she looks precious.

05-20-2005	#7 (permalink)
Gimlet into ruins Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Otsego, MN Posts: 63	http://www.storewars.org/flash/index.html

05-20-2005	#8 (permalink)
Lulu añejo Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: South of Houston, TX Posts: 2,106	heheheh... you gotta watch this. http://www.ifilm.com/viralvideo?ifilmid=2663936

05-20-2005	#10 (permalink)
SunKneeMarie character encapsulator Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Texas Posts: 27,783	Bald is yummy? Who knew.

05-20-2005	#11 (permalink)
Rubio~ Guest Posts: n/a	Haven't seen it personally but asked my brother in law after he saw it if he thought it was appropriate for us to take our 8 year old to see and he said no...he said it was very violent and gory and he would not recommend taking our son. Needless to say our son is not happy with us or his Uncle Chris tonight. He did say he was surprised at how many lose ends they brought together. Hopefully we will go see it soon...but gosh we still haven't seen Titanic. ................................

register to remove these adverts