[Bumper]

Are You European?

1. You plan to go shopping in the morning. What steps might you take to ensure that you find a parking space in town? Would you:
a. Leave the house early to beat the rush and find an unoccupied parking meter.
b. Leave whenever you're ready and simply hope that a parking meter is available.
c. Sneak into town at midnight and hang a beach towel on the best parking meter you can find.

2. Your wife has asked you to pop into a department store to buy her a new bra, but when you get to the cash desk you notice there is a large line up. What do you do?
a. Take your place in line and wait patiently to be served.
b. Put the bra back on the shelf and return later when the line up is shorter.
c. Barge directly to the front of the line and scream, "Ich leber stomph das bustenholten!"

3. You are driving around a roundabout when a car suddenly swerves in front of you causing you to brake sharply. How do you react?
a. Drive on, perhaps tutting under your breath.
b. Beep your horn at the offending motorist to let him know you're annoyed.
c. Screech to a halt diagonally across the front of the other car, leap out and bang your fists repeatedly on his bonnet shouting, "Bastardo! Bastardo! Mamma Mia! Bastardo!"

4. You're busy at work when suddenly you realize it's 12 o'clock. What do you do?
a. Have lunch, read the paper, then return to work 45 minutes later.
b. Ignore the time and keep working until you've finished the task at hand.
c. Sit down under a tree and go to sleep for six hours.

5. You're holidaying on a beach when you see a rather old and weary looking donkey giving rides to children. What would you do?
a. Pay no attention. It's a fairly common sight.
b. Pat the donkey on the head and offer it a lump of sugar.
c. Goad it with a sharp stick, then get 50 of your friends to jump up and down on its back until it falls over and dies. Then go to sleep for six hours.

6. You arrive at work first thing in the morning What is the first thing you do?
a. Start the day's work straight away.
b. Sit in the washroom for twenty minutes reading the paper.
c. Spend three hours shaking hands with your colleagues, hugging them and kissing them on both cheeks as though you have not seen them for twenty years.

7. Your car is stuck behind a large, slow moving trucky which happens to be carrying live sheep. Do you:
a. Slow down and wait patiently until a safe passing opportunity presents itself.
b. Immediately overtake the truck at high speed and hope nothing is coming in the opposite direction.
c. Overtake the truck, set up a road block to stop it, smash the cab windows, kill the driver, then set fire to all the sheep.

8. There's a parliamentary election taking place in your constituency. On polling day, whom do you vote for?
a. A middle of the road candidate with moderate views on most issues.
b. A mainstream left or right wing politician representing the Labour or Conservative party.
c. A four foot tall, obviously mad, impotent dictator who shouts a lot and has a stupid little "toothbrush" moustache.

9. You admire your neighbours's lawn which is particularly well kept. Which of the following would you do?
a. Nothing. You're quite happy with your own patchy area of grass.
b. Ask his advice to enable your lawn to look as good as his.
c. After promising him that you won't, move your garden fence onto his land making his lawn part of your yard. If he complains, shoot him.

10. You are walking down the street when you see an old lady being mugged by two youths. Would you:
a. Wade in without regard for your own safety and try to fight the youths off.
b. Run to the nearest pay phone to call the police.
c. Ignore the fracas completely, declare your neutrality by waving a little white flag above your head, then scamper back to your underground nuclear bomb shelter and try to work out how much money you've made by selling vastly overpriced timepieces and multi-purpose folding knives.

11. Your local football team has won a game. How would you celebrate. Would you:
a. Go down the pub and have a few pints with your friends.
b. Just stay at home. You aren't that interested in football.
c. Drive around in circles in a stupid little twenty year old Fiat with six people on the roof, waving your arms out of the windows and honking the bloody horn all night.

12. You are playing football. At half time it suddenly dawns on you that your team is losing heavily. What action would you take?
a. Encourage your team to play better and make more of an effort in the second half.
b. Just go out and enjoy the second half. After all, it's only a game.
c. Hang the captain of your team from a nearby lamp post, then go out and change sides, joining the winning team for the second half.