Gushy Friendship Poem

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True Friends

Are you tired of all those mushy “friendship” poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here’s a “friendship” poem that really speaks to true friendship, and to truth itself!


Friend,

When you are sad...I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue...I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile...I’ll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared...I will rag you mercilessly about it at every opportunity.

When you are worried...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse the situation could be, and to quit your candy-ass whining.

When you are confused...I I will use tiny little one syllable words to explain things to your dumb ass.

When you are sick...I’ll take steps to see you stay the Hell away from me until you’re well again. I sure as shit don’t want whatever you’ve got.

When you stumble and fall...I’ll point and laugh at your clumsy, inept ass.

This is my commitment and oath,...I pledge until the end. Why, you may ask?

Because you are my friend.


Send this poem to ten of your closest and dearest friends (or else you will have bad luck and go to Hell) and get depressed because you realize you only have two real friends, and one of them is not speaking to you right now anyway.

P.S. A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body.