English Is Strange!

**Bumper** · 06-17-2005

English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every seven human beings can speak it. More than half of the world’s books, and three quarters of international mail are in English. Of all languages, English has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as TWO MILLION words - and one of the noblest bodies of literature.

Nonetheless, let’s face it; English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant, neither pine nor apple in pineapple and no ham in hamburger. English muffins weren’t invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candy, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But when we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, public bathrooms have no baths and a guinea pig is neither a pig, nor from Guinea.

And why is it that a writer writes, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, humdingers don’t hum and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn’t the plural of booth be beeth? One goose, two geese - so one moose, two meese? One index, two indices - one Kleenex, two Kleenices?

Doesn’t it seem strange that you can make amends, but not just one amend, that you can comb through the annals of history but not just one anal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but one, what do you call it?

If the teacher taught, why isn’t it true that the preacher praught? If a horsehair mat is made of the hair of horses and a camel’s-hair coat from the hair of camels, from what is a mohair coat made? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you also bote your tongue?

Sometimes I wonder if all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? Recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy be opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few be the same? How can the weather be hot as Hell one day and cold as Hell the next?

Did you ever notice that we talk about certain things only when they’re absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown, met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever encountered someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable?

And where are the people who ARE spring chickens or who actually WOULD hurt a fly? I meet individuals who CAN cut the mustard and whom I WOULD touch with a ten-foot pole, but I cannot talk about them in English.

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which isn’t really a race at all). That’s why, when stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this item I end it?

Seakony · 06-17-2005

parodox.......jumbo shrimp
and being a Texan this always cracks me up...Mexican army.

06-18-2005

If mouse becomes mice, then shouldn't house become hice?

Then if you want poke fun at the Mexicans with the 'Mexican Army' pun/contradictions...

McDonalds 'restaurant'

American 'foot'ball

A European is from Europe. An American is from America. So what is a person from the USA?

Seakony · 06-19-2005

United States of America. I don't know about the rest but I am a Texan.
So the English are British...are the Welch British?
Hell...your country started this language. You figure it out.

**Jesus** · 06-19-2005

But also, United States of America is not an accurate name. In many ways, Hawaii is not in America, and not all the States of (all) America are united, nor Alaska is united to the rest of the states. Lots of fun.

**Jesus** · 06-19-2005

And by the way, one out of four (or five) persons in the planet should be able to read Chinese, but not all of those would speak Chinese (Mandarin).

06-19-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seakony

United States of America. I don't know about the rest but I am a Texan.
So the English are British...are the Welch British?
Hell...your country started this language. You figure it out.

Yes the Welsh are British, as are the Scottish and Northern Irish. then it gets really complicated with the descriptions of the diffence between the United Kingdom, Britain, Great Britain, the Commonwealth and dependencies etc...

Hey, Wales isn't officially even a country, but a principality.

Seakony · 06-19-2005

The States are united under one federal government and constitution and 1 unofficial language...English. You may be European but that really doesn't say whether your British or Greek...big difference. Each country in Europe has their own government and language and customs. Most Germans will tell you they are from Germany, Italians from Italy. I don't believe I ever heard someone tell me they were from Europe.
I also don't expect the world to know the names of all 50 states..so America or the U.S will do.
Asians are not Oriental. Another big mistake that is made alot.
My biggest problem is learning all the new countries from the break-up of the Soviet Union.

**sctx** · 06-19-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mindbender

A European is from Europe. An American is from America. So what is a person from the USA?

don't know, I'm a Texan........ and here's a song about AMERICAN GIRLS that may help you Mind

Mikey · 06-19-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by sctx

don't know, I'm a Texan........ and here's a song about AMERICAN GIRLS that may help you Mind

DITTO....And we have our own language here....

06-19-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seakony

The States are united under one federal government and constitution and 1 unofficial language...English. You may be European but that really doesn't say whether your British or Greek...big difference. Each country in Europe has their own government and language and customs. Most Germans will tell you they are from Germany, Italians from Italy. I don't believe I ever heard someone tell me they were from Europe.
I also don't expect the world to know the names of all 50 states..so America or the U.S will do.
Asians are not Oriental. Another big mistake that is made alot.
My biggest problem is learning all the new countries from the break-up of the Soviet Union.

Sometimes we'll say Europe then the country within it. Surely from Chile to Canada you can call yourself an American then a Canadian etc? In Spanish, the Mexicans call you literally United Statesians. Although Mexico is the United States of Mexico too. The lack of branding agencies in the past, sure makes things complicated!

While Asia is a massive continent, we tend to divide it, as you say, into Asia and the Orient to represent the Indian and Chinese looking racial types.

I think the people from ex-soviet countries have trouble themselves knowing which country they're from with all the coups and civil wars etc!

06-19-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by sctx

don't know, I'm a Texan........ and here's a song about AMERICAN GIRLS that may help you Mind

Wow, that makes it all so much clearer!

**sctx** · 06-19-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mindbender

Wow, that makes it all so much clearer!

glad to be of assistance

Seakony · 06-19-2005

Usually when One says they are American..most people know they are from the US. Yep, I guess our founding fathers should have thought that one through. "we'll be called ??????" But then again..I always hear of people from Brazil call them selves Brazilians.....many countries on one continent. So, What IS a person from Belgium called?

**Jesus** · 06-20-2005

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seakony

So, What IS a person from Belgium called?

Hey, Pal, do you want [french] fries with your order?

06-17-2005	#1 (permalink)
Bumper Class Clown Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Winnipeg, Canada Posts: 9,471	English Is Strange! English is the most widely used language in the history of our planet. One in every seven human beings can speak it. More than half of the world’s books, and three quarters of international mail are in English. Of all languages, English has the largest vocabulary - perhaps as many as TWO MILLION words - and one of the noblest bodies of literature. Nonetheless, let’s face it; English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, neither pine nor apple in pineapple and no ham in hamburger. English muffins weren’t invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candy, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But when we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, public bathrooms have no baths and a guinea pig is neither a pig, nor from Guinea. And why is it that a writer writes, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, humdingers don’t hum and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn’t the plural of booth be beeth? One goose, two geese - so one moose, two meese? One index, two indices - one Kleenex, two Kleenices? Doesn’t it seem strange that you can make amends, but not just one amend, that you can comb through the annals of history but not just one anal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and you get rid of all but one, what do you call it? If the teacher taught, why isn’t it true that the preacher praught? If a horsehair mat is made of the hair of horses and a camel’s-hair coat from the hair of camels, from what is a mohair coat made? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you also bote your tongue? Sometimes I wonder if all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? Recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy be opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few be the same? How can the weather be hot as Hell one day and cold as Hell the next? Did you ever notice that we talk about certain things only when they’re absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown, met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever encountered someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are the people who ARE spring chickens or who actually WOULD hurt a fly? I meet individuals who CAN cut the mustard and whom I WOULD touch with a ten-foot pole, but I cannot talk about them in English. You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which isn’t really a race at all). That’s why, when stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch I start it, but when I wind up this item I end it? __________________ Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a pristine, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!"

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06-17-2005	#2 (permalink)
Seakony añejo Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: no longer in Mesquite with nothing to do Posts: 10,146	parodox.......jumbo shrimp and being a Texan this always cracks me up...Mexican army.

06-18-2005	#3 (permalink)
Mindbender Posts: n/a	If mouse becomes mice, then shouldn't house become hice? Then if you want poke fun at the Mexicans with the 'Mexican Army' pun/contradictions... McDonalds 'restaurant' American 'foot'ball A European is from Europe. An American is from America. So what is a person from the USA?

06-19-2005	#4 (permalink)
Seakony añejo Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: no longer in Mesquite with nothing to do Posts: 10,146	United States of America. I don't know about the rest but I am a Texan. So the English are British...are the Welch British? Hell...your country started this language. You figure it out.

06-19-2005	#5 (permalink)
Jesus Nutty Peep Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Mexico City, Mexico Posts: 4,588	But also, United States of America is not an accurate name. In many ways, Hawaii is not in America, and not all the States of (all) America are united, nor Alaska is united to the rest of the states. Lots of fun.

06-19-2005	#6 (permalink)
Jesus Nutty Peep Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Mexico City, Mexico Posts: 4,588	And by the way, one out of four (or five) persons in the planet should be able to read Chinese, but not all of those would speak Chinese (Mandarin).

06-19-2005	#8 (permalink)
Seakony añejo Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: no longer in Mesquite with nothing to do Posts: 10,146	The States are united under one federal government and constitution and 1 unofficial language...English. You may be European but that really doesn't say whether your British or Greek...big difference. Each country in Europe has their own government and language and customs. Most Germans will tell you they are from Germany, Italians from Italy. I don't believe I ever heard someone tell me they were from Europe. I also don't expect the world to know the names of all 50 states..so America or the U.S will do. Asians are not Oriental. Another big mistake that is made alot. My biggest problem is learning all the new countries from the break-up of the Soviet Union.

06-19-2005	#14 (permalink)
Seakony añejo Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: no longer in Mesquite with nothing to do Posts: 10,146	Usually when One says they are American..most people know they are from the US. Yep, I guess our founding fathers should have thought that one through. "we'll be called ??????" But then again..I always hear of people from Brazil call them selves Brazilians.....many countries on one continent. So, What IS a person from Belgium called?

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