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Old 08-20-2005   #31 (permalink)
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As a single male, (got out of long relationship), if you can't tell if he is into you or not, then he isn't! He just might not feel like it, I certainly don't right now!

If that is not what you want, get out, but it seems to me that there are a lot of women out there who are just as guilty of not being into their man....the men just don't care, as long as they both know what's going on...

Pretty much a Captain Obvious subject?
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Old 08-20-2005   #32 (permalink)
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This is a good point. Speaking poetically, too much emphasis is put on the destination as opposed to the journey. Which almost dooms the journey to a bad end. A lot of times you will enjoy a relationship more for what it can offer your "here and now" ... maybe it will last further, maybe it won't. Women, especially, have to become more comfortable with the "maybe it won't" part of that equation.
As my daughter is getting mad crushes on boys, I advise her to not put all her emotional eggs in one basket, (our euphemism is "Go Window Shopping") and to try to be friends with boys first.


Yeah, Mom, that'll always keep her from being heartbroken ... sigh.
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Old 08-20-2005   #33 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Susie Q Roo
I think men don't always have the conscious knowledge that they're "playing" someone. And that is sometimes the problem itself... they're not conscious!
Susie, are you still trying to pick up on guys who are unconscious?!? I thought we talked and got that all straightened out...

Steve
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Old 08-20-2005   #34 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by MWC
Yeah, Mom, that'll always keep her from being heartbroken ... sigh.
Boy, that really sucks too. That was one of the hardest things to see... our daughter being totally heartbroken.( especially the ones that last for ever it seems) Her 1st was at about age 12 and it never stopped till she moved out.
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Old 08-20-2005   #35 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by JimmyMN
...only 8 years?

In my book, she's on her way to being a balanced, intelligent, independent woman.

Jimmy
Oh, Jimmy, she would love to hear that! A year ago she finally decided to move halfway across the state to go back to college. Now, if he wants to see her, he has to make the drive. That was quite a large step for her.
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Old 08-20-2005   #36 (permalink)
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The title of that book just scares me! I have not read the book but have heard a lot about it. I think it goes both ways in a relationship, honesty and respect.....no playing games....if either one of you are not into "it" it's best to know right away and move on!
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Old 08-20-2005   #37 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by MWC
I'm uncomfortable with the pedestal notion, either way. I feel that especially with women being put up on a pedestal, that just gives men an excuse to dump extra work on us, because we're seen as being ultra-capable. And that gets to be real tired, real quick. Or, like the Catholic church "worships" women as Mary figures, and that freezes us into certain roles.

How about mutual respect for each other, warts and all? Much easier in the long run.


I was looking for the words to express similar thoughts, and having trouble coming up with them. I would add, special treatment, morning coffee in bed etc.

We don't want no steeken pedestals, but cups of coffee in bed, mutual respect, love, a well cooked dinner, etc...we can go for that anytime.

Also, what Jimmy said.
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Old 08-20-2005   #38 (permalink)
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Mutual respect, honesty and a sense of humor says it all for me.
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Old 08-20-2005   #39 (permalink)
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I agree on the mutual respect, and severe honesty.

My marriage isn't perfect, I am sometimes disrespectful (if you count saying "you're an asshole!" ), and so is hubby occasionally in return. The important thing is that we recognize it and make it right before resentment sets in. One thing we ARE with each other is severly honest. We don't keep any kind of secrets from each other at all. But perhaps the fact that he doesn't get MAD when I come home after being out with the girls and I tell him I was dancing with 20 year olds and flashing out the roof of the limo helps me to be honest. And likewise with me to him. If you get mad when someone is honest, there's no incentive in doing so.

(incidentally, I think that transverses into other areas...such as kids. If my kids are honest with me about things they've done wrong, their consequences are much less severe than if they were dishonest, or never told me and I had to find out on my own. Doesn't mean it works ALL the time, though. )
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Old 08-20-2005   #40 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JimmyMN
...only 8 years?

In my book, she's on her way to being a balanced, intelligent, independent woman.

Jimmy
LOL! I was thinking the same thing... seeing as Keith and I just celebrated our 20/10 anniversary (20 years together and 10 of those years married). Keith and I have always been committed to each other. Marriage just made it legal in the eyes of the government. IMHO way too much emphasis is put on the whole concept of marriage.
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Old 08-20-2005   #41 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MN Annie
I've been thinking I should get this for my daughter; eight years with the same guy and no wedding plans yet.
Just to make a point here.. You don't have to be married to be absolutely in love with someone.. I see it everyday = My parents have been together for 25 years and no wedding plans yet.. (I'm not sure they're even engaged)
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Old 08-20-2005   #42 (permalink)
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sounds like a booty call to me
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Old 08-20-2005   #43 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by roni


I was looking for the words to express similar thoughts, and having trouble coming up with them. I would add, special treatment, morning coffee in bed etc.

We don't want no steeken pedestals, but cups of coffee in bed, mutual respect, love, a well cooked dinner, etc...we can go for that anytime.

Also, what Jimmy said.
I agree. When one puts someone on a pedestal, there is nowhere to go but down.

Ditto with the coffee, mutual respect, dinners (made or bought and enjoyed together), & Ginger's, MWC's, Jimmy's, and NorthMinn's comments too.
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Old 08-20-2005   #44 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by BonnyW
I agree. When one puts someone on a pedestal, there is nowhere to go but down.

Ditto with the coffee, mutual respect, dinners (made or bought and enjoyed together), & Ginger's, MWC's, Jimmy's, and NorthMinn's comments too.
Multiple partners
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Old 08-20-2005   #45 (permalink)
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Multiple partners
No.
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