Join Date: Aug 2005
IT<TT> TAKES A WOMAN TO REALLY GET THIS! </TT>
<TT>This has to be one of the funniest </TT>and<TT> most god-awful scenarios I have ever heard of... Bless this woman!!!</TT>
All<TT> hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,</TT>painless<TT> removal. The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now.... The </TT>Wax<TT>!!</TT>
My<TT> night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home; fix dinner; </TT>played<TT> with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully </TT><TT>i</TT>n<TT> my mind for the next few hours; "Maybe I should pull the wax out of </TT>the<TT> medicine cabinet?"</TT>
So<TT> I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. It was one of those </TT><TT>c</TT>old<TT> wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips t</TT>ogether<TT> in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, </TT>press<TT> it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off!</TT>
No<TT> mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm no girly, girl, but I </TT>am<TT> mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. *YA THINK!!!*</TT>
So<TT> I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other, </TT>stuck<TT> together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair </TT>dryer<TT> and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh, how this </TT>phrase<TT> haunts me!). I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin </TT>around<TT> it tight and pull.</TT>
OK<TT>... So it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do </TT>this<TT>!!! </TT>Hair<TT> removal no longer eludes me!! I am She-Ra, fighter of all wayward </TT>body<TT> hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!!</TT>
With<TT> my next wax strip, I move "north". After checking on the kids, I </TT>sneak<TT> back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting </TT>championship<TT>. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using t</TT>he<TT> same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of the </TT>bikini<TT> line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to </TT>the<TT> inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply </TT>and<TT> brace myself... RRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!! I'm blind!!!!! Blinded </TT>from<TT> pain!!!!!!... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!</TT>
Vision<TT> returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of </TT>the<TT> strip.</TT>
<TT>S**T!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP... Everything is swirly and </TT>spotted<TT>. Do I hear crashing drums?????</TT>
OK<TT>, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covered strip with </TT>my<TT> hairy pelt that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to </TT>revel<TT> in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.</TT>
I<TT> hold up the strip! There's no hair on it! Where is the hair?? </TT>
<TT>WHERE </TT>IS<TT> THE WAX?</TT>
<TT>Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the </TT>toilet<TT>. I see the hair... The hair that should be on the strip. I </TT>touch<TT>. I am touching wax.</TT>
S<TT>**T!!! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which </TT>is<TT> now covered in cold wax and matted hair.</TT>
Then<TT> I make the next BIG mistake..... </TT>
<TT>Remember, my foot is still </TT>propped<TT> up on the toilet. I know I need to do something, so I put my </TT>foot<TT> down. </TT>DAMN<TT>!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.</TT>
Vagina<TT>? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!!! I penguin walk around the </TT>bathroom<TT>, trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please </TT>don’t<TT> let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off."</TT>
Hot<TT> water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can </TT>stand<TT> into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax </TT>should<TT> melt and I can gently wipe it off, right?? *WRONG!!!!*</TT>
I<TT> get in the tub - The water is slightly hotter than that used to</TT>
torture<TT> prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, t</TT><TT>he only thing worse than having your nether businesses glued together </TT>is<TT> having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the </TT>tub<TT>.... in scalding hot water!!</TT>
Which<TT>, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.</TT>
So<TT>, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!! God bless the man who </TT>convinced<TT> me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!! I call my friend, </TT>thinking<TT> surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me </TT>undone<TT>.</TT>
It’s<TT> a very good conversation starter, "So my butt and my who-ha are </TT>stuck<TT> to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't </TT>have<TT> a secret trick, but does try to hide the laughter from me. She </TT>wants<TT> to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom, "Are we </TT>talking<TT> cheeks or hole or what?"</TT>
She’s<TT> laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her the rundown </TT>and<TT> she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!</TT>
Right<TT>!!!!!! I would be the joke of someone else's night. While we go </TT>through<TT> various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a </TT>razor<TT>. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in </TT>hot<TT> wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water, and then dry </TT>shaving<TT> the sticky wax off!!!</TT>
By<TT> now, the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major knock and I </TT>slip<TT> into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my </TT>hand<TT> reaches towards the saving grace... The lotion they give you to </TT>remove<TT> the excess wax. </TT>What<TT> do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY </TT>GOD<TT>!!!!!</TT>
The<TT> scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, </TT>but<TT> I really don't care!! "IT WORKS!! IT WORKS!!" I get a hearty </TT>congratulation<TT> from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove </TT>the<TT> remainder of the wax and then notice, to my grief and despair... THE </TT>HAIR<TT> IS STILL THERE... ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!</TT>
So<TT>, I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.</TT>
Next<TT> week I'm going to try hair color.
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Halifax, Nova Scotia
That is why I go to a salon. Home waxing falls into the category of "Don't try this at home. These are trained professionals", like those commercials. I would rather expose myself to some nice woman with a perma smile, while she is torturing me, than to try this myself.
Very funny though!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
OOOHHH I cannot imagine. Now...Everytime I have my eyebrows waxed I have the urge to smack the girl that is administering the treatment. Painful enough up there!...I cannot imagine the pain down there. Shaving for me!
Thanks for sharing...hope you are healing well
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Nothing lots of women haven't done too...in a nutshell:
Leg, strips, wax too thick or something, maybe not hot enough- RIIIIP!
Crying, sobbing, tears running down...did three strips and stopped.
Now I go to a pro.
Join Date: May 2005
This is my profession and I can't tell you how many stories that sound just like this I've heard. IF this ever happens again, two words...baby oil, actually any kind of oil will melt the wax off. It may take a few minutes but it will come off. There really is a learning curve here combined with positioning and technique...just leave it to the professionals, it's only 30 bucks and well worth the money! But hey, thanks for the laugh!
toe in water
Join Date: Oct 2005
Oh, the pain, to such a sensitive area. Yikes! Yikes! That reminds me of a story my friend Carol told about her college roommate -
She didn't read the instructions. (FAMOUS LAST WORDS) She heated and spread the wax all over her legs. You know, saving time, doing it all at once. Tried to yank off one strip. Didn't work out. It was time for class, so she PUT HER JEANS ON.
Oh, the horror - jeans glued to your legs with wax. Carol said it took a great deal of effort just to get the jeans off, not to mention the wax.
The mind reels.