Dorothy Parker quotes

[roni]

A quote on the Cabana Boy try out thread sent me to the web, and I re-discovered Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)
Dorothy Parker was a writer and critic for such magazines as Vogue, Vanity Fair, and the New Yorker. She also wrote a number of screenplays, poetry, and short fiction. A founder of the Algonquin Round Table, Dorothy Parker was known for her pointed verbal wit and satire, often focused on the life of middle class young women, newly "liberated" from Victorian restrictions.

Here are some quotes by her:

Selected Dorothy Parker Quotations

• I'm never going to be famous. I don't do anything, not one single thing. I used to bite my nails, but I don't even do that any more.

• I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

• Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

• I know that there are things that never have been funny, and never will be. And I know that ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.

• You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.

• Women and elephants never forget.

• I might repeat to myself slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound -- if I can remember any of the damn things.

• Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

• Four be the things I'd have been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.

• A girl's best friend is her mutter.

• I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid.

• Take care of luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

• Salary is no object; I want only enough to keep body and soul apart.

• Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.

• The two most beautiful words in the English language are 'cheque enclosed.'

• If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

• The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.

• The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant -- and let the air out of the tires.

• Now, look, baby, 'Union' is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.

• It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard.

• All I need is room enough to lay a hat and a few friends.

• Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.

• Scratch a lover, and find a foe.

• Men don't like nobility in woman. Not any men. I suppose it is because the men like to have the copyrights on nobility -- if there is going to be anything like that in a relationship.

• That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say No in any of them.

• People are more fun than anybody.

• I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host.

• I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

• You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

• Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life.

• The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.

• Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

• This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

• She runs the gamut of emotions from A to B.

• The only ism Hollywood believes in is plagiarism.

• If all the young ladies who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.

• As only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night.

• Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, may be prolonged to that point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.

• Summer makes me drowsy.
Autumn makes me sing.
Winter's pretty lousy,
But I hate Spring.

• Resumé
Razors pain you; Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give;
Gas smells awful; You might as well live.

• He (Robert Benchley) and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

• Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea;
And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
And I am Marie of Romania.

• The pure and worthy Mrs.

[angelhouston819]

that is great. good reading from an amazing woman!!! imho

[SunKneeMarie]

I didn't realize those were all her quotes... I've heard quite a few of them before... thanks....

[BonnyW]

She was a unique person. Wise, witty, wily, and sarcastic...
Gotta love the combination.
Thanks for posting the quotations Roni!

[diogeron]

As a matter of fact, I had a Dorothy Parker moment the other night, having had to listen to some loudmouth, racist, yahoo from Arkansas doing his best Ugly American imitation next to me while I was trying to listen to Grady in Captain Dave's. As all that was going on, while reminding me why we sold property in the "Redneck Riviera" (the Florida Panhandle) and are looking to buy in Playa, I thought of Dorothy Parker's quote: "What fresh hell is this?"

[Meems]

Check out the movie Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle (1994) for a glimpse at Dorothy Parker's life. Of course this is a movie, not a documentary, but it still gives a semblance of her character and personality.

[CaroleLB]

Originally Posted by roni

• Take care of luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

How appropos, I'm borrowing this for my signature.

Dorothy Parker was wonderfully saucy woman from an era and lifestyle that I would've belonged in.

Martinis, gossip, mayhem; what more could a woman want!

[cpfstich]

Thanks Roni

[Heather]

I have always loved Dorothy Parker, what a wit. I like to think we would have been friends, but she was pretty hard on women.

[xqqzme]

She might have been THE original Naughty Chica

[rugger]

Originally Posted by roni

• I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.

roni, i first read that quote on the bathroom wall, at a bar called the cabin, when i was at central michigan univ. back in 1977. didn't know where it came from but i've probably used it a thousand times since then. its a great quote and i'm glad to here where it came from. loved the others also.