I'm experiencing burn out

MaripositaII · 03-10-2006

At least that's what it feels like. Came home yesterday after taking my sister's laundry for her and also finding her some furniture for the unfurnished place she's been living in. Been doing so much the last couple of weeks for her (like visiting at the hospital) while she was undergoing another 48 hours of chemo and staying while they drained her lungs. Mother dearest has gone off to Las Vegas in spite of her daughter's condition and being hospitalised etc. I could hardly ignore the situation and run off as well...it's just not bloody fair the way this woman has been acting!!!

I know it's time to step back and take care of myself. Last week Wednesday I felt something similar and just refused to take calls and headed out to have my hair and nails done. It felt good. Besides soaking in the tub, talking to a friend, watching a movie, what else could I do for a 'mini break' while still being around the family? I need to recharge my batteries. What a shame I don't drink alcohol

I could have gotten blissfully drunk

JerseygirlTR · 03-10-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaripositaII

At least that's what it feels like. Came home yesterday after taking my sister's laundry for her and also finding her some furniture for the unfurnished place she's been living in. Been doing so much the last couple of weeks for her (like visiting at the hospital) while she was undergoing another 48 hours of chemo and staying while they drained her lungs. Mother dearest has gone off to Las Vegas in spite of her daughter's condition and being hospitalised etc. I could hardly ignore the situation and run off as well...it's just not bloody fair the way this woman has been acting!!!

I know it's time to step back and take care of myself. Last week Wednesday I felt something similar and just refused to take calls and headed out to have my hair and nails done. It felt good. Besides soaking in the tub, talking to a friend, watching a movie, what else could I do for a 'mini break' while still being around the family? I need to recharge my batteries. What a shame I don't drink alcohol

I could have gotten blissfully drunk

I thought your sister went back to Germany?
Anyway - check in the area for a "caregivers group". I know around here they have support groups for people in your situation. All the ideas above sounds good...are you actually doing them? You do need to take care of yourself - otherwise you will not be in any condition to be helpful to your sister.
And try not to allow mother dearest to drain energy from you. So she's not around - nothing you can do to change it.
Your sister is lucky to have you...
Hang in there...

MaripositaII · 03-10-2006

I hadn't thought of a 'caregivers' group. Will check into that. Yes, I have tried the above things off and on. My mind never rests though. Thanks. I guess I just needed to vent a bit ...sigh. A week in PDC would do me wonders!!!

NorthMinnesota · 03-10-2006

Massage, mani and pedi, facial. A mini-spa break and a nap is great at refreshing the spirit.

JerseygirlTR · 03-10-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by NorthMinnesota

Massage, mani and pedi, facial. A mini-spa break and a nap is great at refreshing the spirit.

Another idea is Yoga. I tend to be unable to "turn my mind off" - but yoga usually does wonders for my nerves, tension headaches, etc...
Just another option. Hang in there.

hockeyman99 · 03-10-2006

On Fridays when I'm not traveling, I go down to the local ice rink and play pickup hockey during the lunch hour. Granted, it's not a pedicure/manicure like for the ladies, but it's for me. It helps me burn off stress and it gets my mind off everything else.

traci · 03-10-2006

So sorry you are going thru so much! All the others are right, you HAVE to take care of yourself or you will not be good for anyone. Try and set aside time everyday that is strictly for you, and then do whatever you want to do....as long as what you are doing during that time is ONLY for you. The caregivers group sounds like a great idea and might be a nice break for you. As far as your mother, you can't control what other people do, only the way you respond to it. If this is what she is going to act like, well.....all you can do is let her, but getting yourself even more stressed-out is not going to hurt anyone but you! I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

Joana · 03-10-2006

Uhoh- you be careful girl!!!! ((( HUGS)))

As you know I got diagnosed with the dreaded B- word last year thanks to my studies- so I know it firsthand....unfortunately.

Looking back I'd say two things are most important- one is, like you already figured, getting rest....do whatever you like, lay on the couch and watch TV, go for a walk, PAINT----> that is something, no matter how crappy one is at it, that really takes your mind off things....AND a great way to just express how you feel. You won't believe how interesting it is to look at paintings a little while on...how they express how you felt then.

The other is (and that is where I mainly made my mistake!!) DO NOt start to limit your own things (meeting friends, hobbies etc.). Or at least not completely......you need them, otherwise you are headed for a breakdown.

Burnout is a very simple negative cycle: what you do or have to do is demanding too much- you start to put more energy into it to keep up- you start to limit hobbies to be able to give more input- you still feel you're not doing enough- limit hobbies further, can't relax anymore- still feel you're not doing good enough.......etc.etc.etc.
In the end you end up with just caring/working etc. and nothing else. Nothing to recharge the batteries, not even the ability to relax.
That's when you've reached the true burnout.....and hell, I know how it feels.

Apart from breaking that cycle be keeping your own sphere and hobbies (meaning in your case: you CAN'T take all the responsibility alone....call on your siblings and Mom for it- and btw. I sort of understand that Mom might have needed a break...) try and get professional help. Wether it's in a group where you can vent and hear advice, wether it is from a social worker at the hospital or a psychologist- getting help is important in your situation so you get advice on how to deal with this and where to get some help maybe.

You can not carry this burden all alone- so activate your network of helpers and if they don't help get outside help.

Btw. where is the husband of your sister?? How come he isn't in the States yet?? That is very weird..........??

MaripositaII · 03-13-2006

An update thus far on how I've been feeling since this post.

Took Friday off from visiting sis and left that up to some friends. Instead, I went shopping and then to the gym. Met up with some friends I work out with and we had a great time. On Saturday hubby, the kids and I went on a hike and later in the evening we went out to dinner. Sunday we also had a good day and I went out with my daughter for a couple hours. Spoke to sis every day, but since she had visitors the last few days I decided a break was in order and I feel much stronger emotionally today. Going to take frequent breaks from now on. Mother is back as well so she can take over or not. It's her call.

Thanks guys. You always give such good advice...maybe we should set up an advice column and start charging????

Rissask · 03-13-2006

Glad you are feeling better...I just read this and had one more suggestion- do you like to read? Losing myself in a great book is my favourite stress-reliever.

MaripositaII · 03-13-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rissask

Glad you are feeling better...I just read this and had one more suggestion- do you like to read? Losing myself in a great book is my favourite stress-reliever.

Yes I do, and was heading to Borders this evening to find a good book. I agree too. How have you been?

MWC · 03-13-2006

I thought I had chimed in on this, but I guess I hadn't!
I had great luck working out on the heavy bag with boxing gloves; it's excellent exercise, and it leaves your upper body too fatigued to accept any stress, if that makes sense.

The important thing, and you have acted on this

, is to protect time for you. If your mom is well enough to take a trip to Las Vegas in the middle of all this, she is well enough to help out with your sister. More important, she's well enough to NO LONGER be making so many demands of your time -- and she should be reminded of this, firmly!

It sounds as though your nuclear family continues to be a joy for you, so protect time to be able to spend with them, as well.

Rissask · 03-13-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaripositaII

Yes I do, and was heading to Borders this evening to find a good book. I agree too. How have you been?

Good, thanks!

Stephen King has a newer one out, 'Cell'....and have you read any Harry Potter books? They are actually very good and great for escapism reading.

MaripositaII · 03-13-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by MWC

I thought I had chimed in on this, but I guess I hadn't!
I had great luck working out on the heavy bag with boxing gloves; it's excellent exercise, and it leaves your upper body too fatigued to accept any stress, if that makes sense.

The important thing, and you have acted on this

, is to protect time for you. If your mom is well enough to take a trip to Las Vegas in the middle of all this, she is well enough to help out with your sister. More important, she's well enough to NO LONGER be making so many demands of your time -- and she should be reminded of this, firmly!

It sounds as though your nuclear family continues to be a joy for you, so protect time to be able to spend with them, as well.

I have to thank you for always looking in and being not only supportive but giving me some 'firm' but kind reminders to take care of myself

.

My husband, son and daughter have always been a joy to be around. We truly enjoy our time together. Just remember, we were the crazy ones to drive from Oklahoma to Playa last year! We had a blast on the road trip, and if my father hadn't passed away it would have been the perfect vacation. That's what I always have to remind myself when things get rough with the extended family...that I must NEVER allow that b.s. to interefere with my home life. Not easy at times, but I needed reminders and helpful suggestions and as ALWAYS, you Playa folks are ready to help out.

Thanks a bunch

cpfstich · 03-13-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by MaripositaII

I hadn't thought of a 'caregivers' group. Will check into that. Yes, I have tried the above things off and on. My mind never rests though. Thanks. I guess I just needed to vent a bit ...sigh. A week in PDC would do me wonders!!!

If you can't find a caregivers group locally, there are quite a few online. Yes, you do need to find time for yourself, make time for yourself. It doesn't mean you dont care, it means that you need time for you and only you. Hang in there.

03-10-2006	#1 (permalink)
MaripositaII añejo Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 3,629	I'm experiencing burn out At least that's what it feels like. Came home yesterday after taking my sister's laundry for her and also finding her some furniture for the unfurnished place she's been living in. Been doing so much the last couple of weeks for her (like visiting at the hospital) while she was undergoing another 48 hours of chemo and staying while they drained her lungs. Mother dearest has gone off to Las Vegas in spite of her daughter's condition and being hospitalised etc. I could hardly ignore the situation and run off as well...it's just not bloody fair the way this woman has been acting!!! I know it's time to step back and take care of myself. Last week Wednesday I felt something similar and just refused to take calls and headed out to have my hair and nails done. It felt good. Besides soaking in the tub, talking to a friend, watching a movie, what else could I do for a 'mini break' while still being around the family? I need to recharge my batteries. What a shame I don't drink alcohol I could have gotten blissfully drunk

03-10-2006	#8 (permalink)
Joana Niiiice!! Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: With Quincy....... Posts: 4,961	Uhoh- you be careful girl!!!! ((( HUGS))) As you know I got diagnosed with the dreaded B- word last year thanks to my studies- so I know it firsthand....unfortunately. Looking back I'd say two things are most important- one is, like you already figured, getting rest....do whatever you like, lay on the couch and watch TV, go for a walk, PAINT----> that is something, no matter how crappy one is at it, that really takes your mind off things....AND a great way to just express how you feel. You won't believe how interesting it is to look at paintings a little while on...how they express how you felt then. The other is (and that is where I mainly made my mistake!!) DO NOt start to limit your own things (meeting friends, hobbies etc.). Or at least not completely......you need them, otherwise you are headed for a breakdown. Burnout is a very simple negative cycle: what you do or have to do is demanding too much- you start to put more energy into it to keep up- you start to limit hobbies to be able to give more input- you still feel you're not doing enough- limit hobbies further, can't relax anymore- still feel you're not doing good enough.......etc.etc.etc. In the end you end up with just caring/working etc. and nothing else. Nothing to recharge the batteries, not even the ability to relax. That's when you've reached the true burnout.....and hell, I know how it feels. Apart from breaking that cycle be keeping your own sphere and hobbies (meaning in your case: you CAN'T take all the responsibility alone....call on your siblings and Mom for it- and btw. I sort of understand that Mom might have needed a break...) try and get professional help. Wether it's in a group where you can vent and hear advice, wether it is from a social worker at the hospital or a psychologist- getting help is important in your situation so you get advice on how to deal with this and where to get some help maybe. You can not carry this burden all alone- so activate your network of helpers and if they don't help get outside help. Btw. where is the husband of your sister?? How come he isn't in the States yet?? That is very weird..........?? __________________ No regrets "There are two things that are endless: the universe and human stupidity. I am not completely sure about the universe being endless though." Albert Einstein Original SLOT.

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03-10-2006	#3 (permalink)
MaripositaII añejo Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 3,629	I hadn't thought of a 'caregivers' group. Will check into that. Yes, I have tried the above things off and on. My mind never rests though. Thanks. I guess I just needed to vent a bit ...sigh. A week in PDC would do me wonders!!!

03-10-2006	#4 (permalink)
NorthMinnesota añejo Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Minnesota Posts: 5,600	Massage, mani and pedi, facial. A mini-spa break and a nap is great at refreshing the spirit.

03-10-2006	#6 (permalink)
hockeyman99 way into it Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: DFW Metroplex Posts: 161	On Fridays when I'm not traveling, I go down to the local ice rink and play pickup hockey during the lunch hour. Granted, it's not a pedicure/manicure like for the ladies, but it's for me. It helps me burn off stress and it gets my mind off everything else.

03-10-2006	#7 (permalink)
traci añejo Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Spring Texas Posts: 2,449	So sorry you are going thru so much! All the others are right, you HAVE to take care of yourself or you will not be good for anyone. Try and set aside time everyday that is strictly for you, and then do whatever you want to do....as long as what you are doing during that time is ONLY for you. The caregivers group sounds like a great idea and might be a nice break for you. As far as your mother, you can't control what other people do, only the way you respond to it. If this is what she is going to act like, well.....all you can do is let her, but getting yourself even more stressed-out is not going to hurt anyone but you! I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!

03-13-2006	#9 (permalink)
MaripositaII añejo Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 3,629	An update thus far on how I've been feeling since this post. Took Friday off from visiting sis and left that up to some friends. Instead, I went shopping and then to the gym. Met up with some friends I work out with and we had a great time. On Saturday hubby, the kids and I went on a hike and later in the evening we went out to dinner. Sunday we also had a good day and I went out with my daughter for a couple hours. Spoke to sis every day, but since she had visitors the last few days I decided a break was in order and I feel much stronger emotionally today. Going to take frequent breaks from now on. Mother is back as well so she can take over or not. It's her call. Thanks guys. You always give such good advice...maybe we should set up an advice column and start charging????

03-13-2006	#10 (permalink)
Rissask Brit basher Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada Posts: 19,481	Glad you are feeling better...I just read this and had one more suggestion- do you like to read? Losing myself in a great book is my favourite stress-reliever.

03-13-2006	#12 (permalink)
MWC añejo Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Connecticut Posts: 6,000	I thought I had chimed in on this, but I guess I hadn't! I had great luck working out on the heavy bag with boxing gloves; it's excellent exercise, and it leaves your upper body too fatigued to accept any stress, if that makes sense. The important thing, and you have acted on this , is to protect time for you. If your mom is well enough to take a trip to Las Vegas in the middle of all this, she is well enough to help out with your sister. More important, she's well enough to NO LONGER be making so many demands of your time -- and she should be reminded of this, firmly! It sounds as though your nuclear family continues to be a joy for you, so protect time to be able to spend with them, as well.

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