Help! Parenting dispute.

[SandyCheeks]

Hey guys! My Hubby and I are having a disagreement in the parenting dept. My 18 yr. old Stepson, who is a junior in high school, Just got a job washing dishes at "Tortugas". Around the house, he only has 1 chore...washing the dishes..well, we have a dish washer so it is mostly unloading and loading the dishwasher. Dad says he shouldn't have to do the dishes anymore. I think that he is lucky to have only one chore and he should continue to do it. Am I being a "wicked Stepmom" to insist that he keep on doing this 1 chore? Thanks for any advice, guys. I value, and welcome your opinions.
Julie

[myhappyplace2]

Dishes or pay rent now that he has a paying job and all.....

Originally Posted by SandyCheeks

Hey guys! My Hubby and I are having a disagreement in the parenting dept. My 18 yr. old Stepson, who is a junior in high school, Just got a job washing dishes at "Tortugas". Around the house, he only has 1 chore...washing the dishes..well, we have a dish washer so it is mostly unloading and loading the dishwasher. Dad says he shouldn't have to do the dishes anymore. I think that he is lucky to have only one chore and he should continue to do it. Am I being a "wicked Stepmom" to insist that he keep on doing this 1 chore? Thanks for any advice, guys. I value, and welcome your opinions.
Julie

[SandyCheeks]

Thank you!

Originally Posted by myhappyplace2

Dishes or pay rent now that he has a paying job and all.....

Rissask? SKM? Any advice? You seem to always have great advice!
(edit-forgot my punctuation )lol!

[TAPPY]

I am assuming that you and/or your husband work out side the home....that does not excuse you all from having to do some jobs around the house...

Sit them both down (Hubby and son) and say here is the deal.....some one has got to do the dishes and it is not going to be me....Now you two talk it over and decide who is going to do it !!

[SandyCheeks]

[quote=TAPPY]I am assuming that you and/or your husband work out side the home....that does not excuse you all from having to do some jobs around the house...
I do not work outside the home...We own a business and I handle all calls and info and I have a very big house to clean, as it stands , it takes me 2 days to clean the whole house . And, I have to spend quality time with our 2 yr. old. My hubby also has 5 yr. old and 13yr. old daughters who spend every Wed. and every other weekend with us-none of them clean up after themselves very well. The only time they clean anything up is when they are forced to, and then they mostly just half a** it. I know kids will be kids, but don't you have to teach them to do things for themselves?

[mofi]

Though I think he should still have to dishes, and that just because you have a job doesn't mean you are excused, being that you are a step parent it is not your job to parent him (Ask Dr.Phil). I would be careful....if my mom asked me to do something I would probably be more willing and likely to respond then if my stepdad asked me to do something.

[TAPPY]

[quote=SandyCheeks]

Originally Posted by TAPPY

I am assuming that you and/or your husband work out side the home....that does not excuse you all from having to do some jobs around the house...
I do not work outside the home...We own a business and I handle all calls and info and I have a very big house to clean, as it stands , it takes me 2 days to clean the whole house . And, I have to spend quality time with our 2 yr. old. My hubby also has 5 yr. old and 13yr. old daughters who spend every Wed. and every other weekend with us-none of them clean up after themselves very well. The only time they clean anything up is when they are forced to, and then they mostly just half a** it. I know kids will be kids, but don't you have to teach them to do things for themselves?

Sounds like you work to me !!!

If hubby is not going to be supportive and help his children learn to pick up, and follow a few rules......then let him pick up the slack...

Step parenting is no fun (been there done that) - but dont let him put you in the roll of enforcer and bad guy !!!

[stevo137]

Sounds like a good deal to me. Is that all he does around the house? Dishwasher?

[SandyCheeks]

I agree with you (and Dr. Phil). I haven't said anything to him- he's at work. My hubby and I have been discussing it. A note, though, He is my hubby's stepchild also! He chooses to live with us because he has a bad relationship with his real Mom.

Originally Posted by mofi

Though I think he should still have to dishes, and that just because you have a job doesn't mean you are excused, being that you are a step parent it is not your job to parent him (Ask Dr.Phil). I would be careful....if my mom asked me to do something I would probably be more willing and likely to respond then if my stepdad asked me to do something.

[Babaloo]

Originally Posted by mofi

Though I think he should still have to dishes, and that just because you have a job doesn't mean you are excused, being that you are a step parent it is not your job to parent him (Ask Dr.Phil).

EXCUSE ME???

And if Dr. Phil said that....
screw Dr. Phil.

(that hit a nerve like no other)

[Jacko]

Originally Posted by SandyCheeks

I agree with you (and Dr. Phil). I haven't said anything to him- he's at work. My hubby and I have been discussing it. A note, though, He is my hubby's stepchild also! He chooses to live with us because he has a bad relationship with his real Mom.

Oh that is going to be fun! Very best of luck!

[SandyCheeks]

Mostly. If he does anything extra, he expects us to pay him. Oh, and in the summer we ask him to help cut grass.

Originally Posted by stevo137

Sounds like a good deal to me. Is that all he does around the house? Dishwasher?

[SandyCheeks]

I don't agree with everything Dr. Phil says, really. I stay out of it because it puts less emotional stress on me. I feel like it is the same as if your child stays at a friends house, he has to listen to their parents, so when he is at my house, I should have a say. so, I guess I'm a little torn on that one.

Originally Posted by Babaloo

EXCUSE ME???

And if Dr. Phil said that....
screw Dr. Phil.

(that hit a nerve like no other)

[Nerak936]

Originally Posted by stevo137

Sounds like a good deal to me. Is that all he does around the house? Dishwasher?

That was my first thought too, Stevo. He washes the dishes?? (as in load/empty the dishwasher??) If he has a heavy homework load from school and spends a lot of time on that, okay.... but if he's sitting on his butt the rest of the time, expecting Mom and Pop to do everything else..... hmmmm........



Disclaimer: I don't have any kids, am single, and live alone with two cats (who have yet to do anything constructive around here except brighten my world each and every day). So I'm used to "if I don't do it, it won't get done".

[Jacko]

Originally Posted by Babaloo

EXCUSE ME???

And if Dr. Phil said that....
screw Dr. Phil.

(that hit a nerve like no other)

Well, I don't think Dr. Phil said it exactly like that....he just points out that major disciplinary issues are better handled by the biological parent after the biological parent and step-parent come to agreement...not that the step-parent shouldn't parent at all.