Retirement Blues

[Bumper]

I'm retired. I can relate.

RETIREMENT BLUES


My nookie days are over.
My pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now a water spout.

Time was when, of its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.

But now I’ve got a full time job,
To find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave.

For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.

But as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues.

To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes.

[Lil G]

I still think your hot Bump! (and I can dance!)

[KevKaos]

Not trying to steal Bumpers thunder, but don't get yourself into trouble like me. Here is my view of things to do in your retirement years when the wife/partner makes you go shopping with her.

Retirement does not have to be boring!!!!

Dear Ms. Pookie,

Over the past six months , your partner, Mr. Kev Kaos, has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning your entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all these incidents with our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are now attending counseling for the emotional stress caused from the trouble your partner has created. All of our complaints against Mr. Kaos have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Zimbrowski,
Wal-Mart Complaint Department
Playa del Carmen, MX


MEMO Re: Mr. Kev Kaos! "Complaints" -

15 Things Mr. Kaos has done while his wife is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they were not looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to individually go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of pineapple juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares...and watched to see what would happen.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he would invite ! them in if they would bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, Why can't you people just leave me alone?

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he fell to the floor in the fetal position and while loudly sucking his thumb, screamed "NO! NO! It's those v! oices again!!!!"

(And, last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited several minutes. Then, yelled, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!"

[Maverick69]

Just printed this out. Gonna use it on my next trip to Wallymart.

Originally Posted by KevKaos

Not trying to steal Bumpers thunder, but don't get yourself into trouble like me. Here is my view of things to do in your retirement years when the wife/partner makes you go shopping with her.

Retirement does not have to be boring!!!!

Dear Ms. Pookie,

Over the past six months , your partner, Mr. Kev Kaos, has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning your entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all these incidents with our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are now attending counseling for the emotional stress caused from the trouble your partner has created. All of our complaints against Mr. Kaos have been compiled and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Zimbrowski,
Wal-Mart Complaint Department
Playa del Carmen, MX


MEMO Re: Mr. Kev Kaos! "Complaints" -

15 Things Mr. Kaos has done while his wife is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they were not looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to individually go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of pineapple juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares...and watched to see what would happen.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he would invite ! them in if they would bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, Why can't you people just leave me alone?

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he fell to the floor in the fetal position and while loudly sucking his thumb, screamed "NO! NO! It's those v! oices again!!!!"

(And, last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited several minutes. Then, yelled, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!"

[monte]

thanks for the laugh, Bumper

[jx2]

Please tell me it's not that bad Bumper. They have those pills you know