Monte & The Cops

[Bumper]

“Monte”, well-known Forum Peep and notorious party animal, recently hosted a festive gathering at her home. The Dallas constabulary made an appearance on her doorstep at one point during the evening. Thanks to their practice of taping all conversations conducted during the discharge of their duties, we are able to reproduce a record of the resulting conversation between Shirlee and the officers here.

Police: "We've come in response to the complaints."

Shirlee: "Complaints? It isn't about the drugs, is it?"

Police: "No, ma’am, not drugs."

Shirlee: "The guns, then? They're complaining about the guns?"

Police: "No, ma’am. It's about the noise."

Shirlee "Oh, that's all right then. 'Cause there sure aren't any guns or drugs here, heh heh."

(An explosion sounds somewhere behind her)

Shirlee: "Or fireworks either! The neighbours complained, did they?"

Police: "No, ma’am. The neighbours all fled upstate hours ago. The most recent complaints have come from Kansas."

(At this point a Volkswagen Beetle, painted in various arcane symbols, roared out of the living room, down the hall past Shirlee and the policemen, out into the front yard and into the nearest tree. Eight naked bodies tumbled out, moaning.)

Shirlee: "There, you see? It's winding down already."

[Nerak936]

Good one, Bump!!! You've really captured the Monte we all know and love!!

[TAPPY]

Originally Posted by Bumper

(At this point a Volkswagen Beetle, painted in various arcane symbols, roared out of the living room, down the hall past Shirlee and the policemen, out into the front yard and into the nearest tree. Eight naked bodies tumbled out, moaning.)

Shirlee: "There, you see? It's winding down already."

This joke is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some
assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not
included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No
other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor
vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to
CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to
affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other
side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All
models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician.
No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No
postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until
the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance
of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many
suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco
ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem
right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with
the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep
cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List
was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on
file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or
consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to
perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for
private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early
withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays
maximum rate. Nap was here. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner.
Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be
sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt.
Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are
not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions
before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You
must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase
necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading
within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated are. Keep away
from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths
for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is
optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended
for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly
prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless
otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two
alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before
digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in
this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may
be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of
previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle
or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop.
Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary.

This supersedes all previous notices.

[Bumper]

Originally Posted by TAPPY

This joke is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real
persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some
assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not
included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No
other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor
vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to
CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to
affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other
side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All
models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician.
No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No
postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until
the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance
of agreement. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many
suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco
ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem
right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with
the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep
cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List
was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on
file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or
consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to
perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for
private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early
withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays
maximum rate. Nap was here. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner.
Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be
sure each item is properly endorsed. Sign here without admitting guilt.
Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are
not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions
before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You
must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase
necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading
within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated are. Keep away
from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths
for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is
optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended
for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly
prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless
otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two
alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before
digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in
this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may
be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of
previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle
or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop.
Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary.

This supersedes all previous notices.

Well done, Tam. This would be even funnier if it weren't so terrifyingly accurate.

[cpfstich]

[monte]

wow am I that easy to read

[Seakony]

Originally Posted by monte

wow am I that easy to read

[MikeW]

Originally Posted by monte

wow am I that easy to read

Read?

[Cosmo]

"Easy"? maybe. Cheap, never! "Read" ? girl, you can't even write! Much love, R&C

Originally Posted by monte

wow am I that easy to read

[TAPPY]

Originally Posted by monte

wow am I that easy to read

You make people smile just by because in the same room as you !
You are as real as they come.
That is what I read when I see you !