09-04-2006
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#1 (permalink) |
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Class Clown
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Posts: 9,525
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Texas Driver's License Test
Texas Drivers License Test
When people get behind the wheel of a car, their true personality comes out. In Texas, the Department of Motor Vehicles knows this. Anyone can get a drivers license in North America, I mean ANYONE! But to drive in Texas, one must get a special endorsement on their license. Would you qualify for that special endorsement? Take this test, total your score and see. 1: Which part of your car wears out most often? a: the wiper blades b: the belts c: the horn 2: Automatic door locks are good for... a: security b: convenience c: messing with the heads of people trying to get in 3: I hate the rain because... a: it lowers visibility and makes for less safe conditions b: I answered (a) to question #1 c: I just washed my car 4: Please select the statement that best describes you. a: I have never written in the dust on someone's car b: I have written "wash me" in the dust on someone's car c: I have drawn genitalia in the dust on someone's car 5: The "bright" setting on your headlights is for... a: dark, poorly lit roads b: flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way c: revenge! 6: I have enough power in my car stereo system to... a: get it loud enough to drown out road noise b: get it head banging loud for my ZZ Top CD c: cause permanent hearing loss to anyone within ten feet 7: How many times have you been pulled over for speeding in the last year? a: zero or one, because I'm generally a safe driver b: two or three, because I've had some unlucky breaks c: before or after they took my license away? 8: What hand gesture do you use most while driving? a: "go ahead" b: "thank you" c: "@#!*&%^!" 9: When a bicyclist is next to you, you should... a: be aware of them b: speed up and get past them c: open the door 10: Your rear view mirror is for... a: watching for approaching cars b: watching for approaching police cars c: checking your hair 11: If you are driving and you begin to feel very sleepy, you should... a: pull off to the side of the road and rest b: stop at the next convenience mart and get a liter of coffee or Mountain Dew c: drive faster 12: The Highway Patrol exists to... a: ensure the safety of all motorists b: issue as many tickets as possible c: keep donut shops in business 13: You are supposed to signal a turn or lane change... a: 50 feet prior b: 25 feet prior c: right after you do it 14: If I had a lot of money, I'd spend it on... a: a minivan b: a really cool pick-up truck c: bail 15: The best thing about a chauffeured limousine is... a: I don't have to drive b: I can stretch out, relax, and have a drink c: leaning out the open sunroof and shouting at people Scoring The Test: Give yourself one point for every A, two for every B, and three for every C. Total up the points and compare it to the list below. 15-24 Points You're a good driver. You watch the speed limit, remain calm, and observe not only the rules of the road, but also the etiquette. And since you drive so safely and so politely, in just about any city, you'll live a long time. Long enough to drive slower and slower with each passing decade until you're one of those old people in a big car, going ten miles under the speed limit in the fast lane and pissing all the rest of us off. Except in Texas, of course, where the proper term for you is "road kill". You, do not qualify to drive in Texas. Please leave the state immediately! 25-35 Points Hey! Joe Average! In just about any state you're considered a decent driver without being boring. You get where you're going fast without too much danger. In fact, you're the type of person we all like to ride with... Well, all of us except your mother, because "you're going too fast! Watch out for that car in front of you! You're going to kill us all!" In Texas, the proper term for you is "survivor". Complete the application below, it will be reviewed and you will be notified by mail. 36-45 Points Congratulations, you qualify as a real Texas driver. Complete the Application from below, then pick up your cell phone, grab some extra ammo, jump in your truck and head for the freeways. Remember it is you against all those crazy drivers! You earn the title of "Victor"!
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 Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a pristine, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!" |
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