Management Speak

[Bumper]

TRANSLATING "MANAGEMENT SPEAK"

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: That's very interesting
TRANSLATION: I disagree

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don't disagree
TRANSLATION: I disagree

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I don't totally disagree with you
TRANSLATION: You may be right, but I don't care

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You have to show some flexibility
TRANSLATION: Do it, whether you like it or not

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have an opportunity
TRANSLATION: You have a problem

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You obviously put a lot of work into this
TRANSLATION: This is crap

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: In a perfect world
TRANSLATION: Just get it working and get it out the door

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Help me to understand
TRANSLATION: I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't think you do either

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You just don't understand our business
TRANSLATION: We don't understand our business

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You need to see the big picture
TRANSLATION: My boss thinks it's a good idea

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: My mind is made up. I am adamant on the subject. There is no room for any movement, but if you feel we must discuss it further, my door is always open
TRANSLATION: Screw you!

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I appreciate your contribution
TRANSLATION: Screw you!

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We're following a strict methodology her
TRANSLATION: We're doing it my way

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I didn't understand the E-mail you sent me. Can you give me a quick summary?
TRANSLATION: I still can't figure out how to start the E-mail program

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Cost of ownership has become a significant issue in desktop computing
TRANSLATION: We want all the benefits and none of the costs

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have to leverage our resources
TRANSLATION: We're working weekends

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Individual contributor
TRANSLATION: Employee who does real work

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Your project is on hold
TRANSLATION: We've put a bullet in it

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Wrong answer
TRANSLATION: You didn't tell me what I wanted to hear

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: You need to be more pro-active
TRANSLATION: You should protect me from myself

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'd appreciate your buy-in and participation on this
TRANSLATION: I want someone to take the fall for this when it bombs

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We want you to be the executive champion of this project
TRANSLATION: I want to be able to hang you out to dry for my mistakes

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We want to syndicate this decision
TRANSLATION: We need to spread the blame, in case it backfires

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: We have to put on our marketing hats
TRANSLATION: We have to put ethics aside

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: It's not possible. It's impractical. It won't work.
TRANSLATION: I don't know how to do it

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: It's a no-brainer
TRANSLATION: It's a perfect decision for me to handle

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'm glad you asked me that
TRANSLATION: The public relations department has written a carefully phrased answer

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I see you involved your peers in developing your proposal
TRANSLATION: One person could not possibly come up with something this stupid on their own

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: There are larger issues at stake
TRANSLATION: I've made up my mind, so don't bother me with facts

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: I'll never lie to you
TRANSLATION: The truth is subject to change

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Our business is experiencing a paradigm shift
TRANSLATION: We have no idea what we've been doing, but in the future we shall do something completely different

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Value-added
TRANSLATION: Expensive

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: Human Resources
TRANSLATION: A bulk commodity, like lentils, coal, grain, or cinder blocks

MANAGEMENT SPEAK: The upcoming reductions will benefit the vast majority of employees
TRANSLATION: The upcoming reductions will benefit me