Stages of an Employee's Life

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The Stages Of An Employee's Life


Novice - Comes to work on time. Leaves a little early. Takes long lunches off-site. Majority of life is still outside of work. Has no real responsibility. Happy to do any task, like cleaning crumbs out of your keyboard. Cannot believe he/she is getting paid so much to talk to buddies on the phone and surf the Internet all day. Life is great!


Entry Level - Arrives and leaves on time. Feels important when boss asks him/her to work late and does so without hesitation. Brags to friends, "I chose the typeface for the IBM presentation." Considers a $25 bonus a sign of undying company loyalty. Eats at desk on occasion. Life is very good.


Worker - Leaves late occasionally. Never calls in sick just to take a day off anymore. Is entirely responsible for meaningless projects, like changing "Systems Group" to "Technology Group" in all company documentation. Still comes into work despite hangovers. Personal life is noticeably vanishing. Is excited by a minuscule raise and tiny promotion. Life is good.


Employee - Arrives early on occasion. Leaves late fairly often. Eats lunch at desk every day. Only has one or two friends remaining outside of work. Is actually responsible for real work that, if screwed up, will not damage the organization significantly. Still has time to use company perks like hockey tickets. Life is OK.


Level 2 - Arrives early. Usually the last one to leave. Life is consumed by reports containing meaningless blocks of numbers. Derives all self-esteem from company's and superior's approval. Spends entire paycheque on objects that elevate status and image. Is totally immersed in work and loves it. Can do nothing but collapse in front of the TV to watch Survivor in the few hours he/she is home. Life is stressful.

Level 3 - Same as Level 2 except that their work actually impacts on the success of the organization. Doesn't enjoy work anymore, even though the salary is obscenely inflated and it keeps them away from their spouse all day. Considers quitting, but has a large mortgage payment and doesn't want to give up the new large screen plasma TV. Doesn't know what to do on day off. Life is Hell.


Manager - Tells other people what to do. Loves the power. Has to continue to prove worthiness to managers farther up the food chain. Always works late in order to accomplish the real work that can't be done during the day because of the excessive number of meetings required. Has five times as many business outfits as friends. Home life starts to break down. Life is stressful.


Middle Manager - Spends entire day describing things with buzzwords. Considers key employees, pens, and contents of recycling bin as resources. Still works late, but only if it involves a conference or a client. Sometimes, in winter, sees the sun after it rises or before it sets, unlike Level 2's, 3's, or Managers. Has no friends or home life. Life is OK.


Senior Manager - Like looking at reports and talking at meetings. Generally leaves work on time, except when skipping out early to play golf with other Senior Managers. Very rarely needs to brown nose anymore. No longer owns pair of jeans. Cannot recall ever having taken public transportation. Life is good.


Executive - Despite having vast riches and grown children, chooses to come to work because it's fun. Says things like, "We need more market penetration in Liberia, " and in the space of a few months, it happens. If it doesn't, the Executive must exert themselves even further by saying, "Why don't we have market penetration in Liberia?" Magically, it happens and the Executive is called a visionary. Life is great!