I Am Canadian

Ginger · 09-20-2006

After teasing SunKneeMarie in another thread with some of our Canadianisms, I was looking up some more and found thus funny tidbit. It's amusing enough to post...a spoof on the old beer commercial

Hey, I'm not a lumberjack or a fur trader.

I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber or own a dog sled.

I watch TV too much. I buy what beer ads tell me to even though the microbrews taste better and don't give me gunky headaches.

I am Canadian.

I have a prime minister not a president. And I will vote for him again and again until all my countrymen agree he is as loopy as Trudeau or Mulroney and we have to beat him off us with sticks. We vote for them until we kill them. Yet Yanks still say we are a nice people. Go figure.

I am Canadian.

I believe in peacekeeping, not policing; diversity, not assimilation.
I believe ballet dancers should keep dancing until they are 80 years old, since I'm never gonna watch it anyway. But hockey players should probably get off the rink before they're 35. I believe serial killers should go to prison for a while, but smartass kid criminals, maybe not so long.
I love the Leafs. For 30 years. For no good reason.

I am Canadian.

I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack.
I own two sets of jumper cables.
I have a cable modem AND a phone ISDN and neither of them work exactly as advertised and I can't do a damn thing about it. I have never seen HBO or Animal Planet. I know that someday the CRTC will pat me on the head and let Rogers sell them to me. I pay for the CBC but prefer Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, a game I cannot play nor win. I love CNN and A&E.

I am Canadian.
I speak English and French, not American, and I pronounce it a-bout, not a-boot.
I pay higher taxes than any citizen in the civilized world, and recognize everybody but me knows best how they should be spent.
I finance a pension system that will not benefit me in my old age. I load up my RSP with maximum foreign content. My broker says we'll make a lot of money in options and high tech. He's 26. I believe him.

I am Canadian.

I believe the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.
I would swerve for a squirrel but not a snake. I believe somebody else should shovel up road kill.
I believe Mike Harris is evil and Joe Clark is a boob and Preston Manning is a joke and Jean Chretien is past it and Mel Lastman is a clown and the only true heroes are actors in plaid flannel shirts who do TV beer commercials.
I hate the GST and carry a lot of cash, especially if we're remodeling the kitchen.

I am Canadian.

I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice.
I'm glad Elian is not my problem.
I know Wayne's World was a documentary about Scarborough, not a comedy.
I believe doughnuts are good for you. Sometimes I spring for the full dozen. But I watch my weight, like Monica Lewinsky.

I am Canadian.

A touque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch and it is pronounced Zed, not Zee. ZED!
A call centre is a necessary barrier between me and the companies that sell gas, phone, cable that quite rightly don't want to hear from me. My bank pisses me off. I would change banks, except that I have already been a customer of all four other banks and they pissed me off too.

I stand in line to talk to an ATM. I pay fees. I simmer. I sulk.

I am Canadian.

I know the cry of the loon is the sweetest sound on the planet. But since you can't make money in the woods, I do a loon call myself, usually late at night. I believe in high-speed police chases, unless they are chasing me. I support the newest Waterfront Redevelopment Scheme and will like the next one even more. I will drive the two-lane Gardiner Expressway on the hottest day this July and curse a blue streak. I'll get in the right-hand lane when I damn well feel like it.

I am Canadian.
I believe in bass boats, rolling up the rim and Saturdays at Canadian Tire. I say "Eh" and "okey-dokey." I brake for snowbirds and March break.

I paid to build a superhighway across the top of Toronto, paid again to drive it and will pay a third time to get my licence plate when it turns out several 407ETR bills were sent to the wrong place. I pay taxes in quarterly installments, so they can spend it as fast as I earn it.

I am Canadian.
Thank you.

More beer for everybody, quick.

Let's get really, really loaded.

mofi · 09-20-2006

Haha I remember thoes commercials.......I AM CANADIAN!!!

Ginger · 09-20-2006

Mofi, almost time for you to return here to BC, ain't it? You'll have some adjusting to do back in our wonderful climate....what are the seasons in BC again? Oh yeah, Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer) & Raining Again (Fall).

Tony&Cheri · 09-20-2006

Thank you Ginger for this enlightening civics lesson. All we ever knew of Canada prior to this was what we learned from Bob & Doug Mckenzie's documentary, "Strange Brew". You make it sound wonderful and if global warming ever floods all of Mexico, we will come visit the Great White North, Ehhh?!

**SunKneeMarie** · 09-20-2006

I have NO idea what HALF those words were... but I think that was Ginger's point in posting it... eh?

CaroleLB · 09-20-2006

Oh come on... yiz do say a-boot!

Rissask · 09-20-2006

Quote:

yiz do say a-boot!

Only those strange Maritimers, maybe. Right Jodeci?

Funny, Ginger.

Quote:

I believe the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal.

NOT! They are huge rats with flatter tails. Fugly creatures.

The Americans get a truly elegant creature as their national animal, the proud eagle...and we get a huge rat.

Jeez. Why not a wolf? Or a cougar, or a bear?
Naw....a bucktoothed greasy rat that ruins streams. Yippee.

okay rant over

okay dokey, eh?

Pass the poutine, take off your touque, and hand me my rye and coke, and scootch over next to me on the chesterfield.

Davev · 09-20-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by CaroleLB

Oh come on... yiz do say a-boot!

I second that! I deal with EMC support in Toronto almost daily..

Jodeci · 09-20-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rissask

Only those strange Maritimers, maybe. Right Jodeci?

Not us stuck up city folk here in Halifax, but pretty much the rest of the Maritimes!

In PEI a "buoy" could be a boy or the thing that is in the water. Really depends on the conversation.
Very funny play on that ad!

DavidB · 09-20-2006

What about the good things like:
You can rollerblade across the US border...
You can find BC Brownies laying around the neighborhood.

BarbC · 09-20-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by DavidB

What about the good things like:
You can rollerblade across the US border...
You can find BC Brownies laying around the neighborhood.

Damn! Not in my neighbourhood, but I'm going out to Ginger's neighbourhood pretty soon.....

Pretty cute rant anyway. Soon I have to go get my beauty sleep so I can stay up very late, trying to help explain one part of Canada to another, getting it all down on paper before 10 am...

Mexivoof · 09-20-2006

Cripes Ginger, you live in freakin' suburban Seattle, you could probably spit across the border. Just root for the Seahawks and the Mariners, bow to King George, forget about hockey and everything will be all right

Seakony · 09-20-2006

I have only been to Quebec, Montreal (world fair) and Niagra...but really like Canada...only complaint is "Put some damn Ice in my Iced Tea!!!!!" I just got used to ordering a glass of Iced tea, and a glass of ice.

oh yeah, make that a big glass...like at least 20 ounces.

BarbC · 09-20-2006

Gee, Seakony, I had no idea you were old enough to remember Expo 67 in Montreal...
Of course, I was old enough to WORK there (when I was very young, of course!).

Seakony · 09-20-2006

Quote:

Originally Posted by BarbC

Gee, Seakony, I had no idea you were old enough to remember Expo 67 in Montreal...
Of course, I was old enough to WORK there (when I was very young, of course!).

I was 13....we drove there all the way from Texas...with a stop in Yonkers to pick up 3 more people...6 in a car..oh my!
I have been transferring our old 8mm to dvd. I have about 5 huge rolls that say from Texas to Montreal on them. I have put them aside till I can rent another projector and look at them. Transferring is not cheap and I am really busy trying to get this house in shape to sell. I really want to see them.
I also have photos too....but they are not that clear..it was 1967.

We also went to Hemisphere in San Antonio in 68. At least that was closer.
Niagra in the early 90's or late 80's...can't remember.

Do they even have world fairs anymore? Last one I remember was in New Orleans and it lost alot of money.

09-20-2006	#1 (permalink)
Ginger none Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 10,162	I Am Canadian After teasing SunKneeMarie in another thread with some of our Canadianisms, I was looking up some more and found thus funny tidbit. It's amusing enough to post...a spoof on the old beer commercial Hey, I'm not a lumberjack or a fur trader. I don't live in an igloo or eat blubber or own a dog sled. I watch TV too much. I buy what beer ads tell me to even though the microbrews taste better and don't give me gunky headaches. I am Canadian. I have a prime minister not a president. And I will vote for him again and again until all my countrymen agree he is as loopy as Trudeau or Mulroney and we have to beat him off us with sticks. We vote for them until we kill them. Yet Yanks still say we are a nice people. Go figure. I am Canadian. I believe in peacekeeping, not policing; diversity, not assimilation. I believe ballet dancers should keep dancing until they are 80 years old, since I'm never gonna watch it anyway. But hockey players should probably get off the rink before they're 35. I believe serial killers should go to prison for a while, but smartass kid criminals, maybe not so long. I love the Leafs. For 30 years. For no good reason. I am Canadian. I can proudly sew my country's flag on my backpack. I own two sets of jumper cables. I have a cable modem AND a phone ISDN and neither of them work exactly as advertised and I can't do a damn thing about it. I have never seen HBO or Animal Planet. I know that someday the CRTC will pat me on the head and let Rogers sell them to me. I pay for the CBC but prefer Who Wants to Be A Millionaire, a game I cannot play nor win. I love CNN and A&E. I am Canadian. I speak English and French, not American, and I pronounce it a-bout, not a-boot. I pay higher taxes than any citizen in the civilized world, and recognize everybody but me knows best how they should be spent. I finance a pension system that will not benefit me in my old age. I load up my RSP with maximum foreign content. My broker says we'll make a lot of money in options and high tech. He's 26. I believe him. I am Canadian. I believe the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal. I would swerve for a squirrel but not a snake. I believe somebody else should shovel up road kill. I believe Mike Harris is evil and Joe Clark is a boob and Preston Manning is a joke and Jean Chretien is past it and Mel Lastman is a clown and the only true heroes are actors in plaid flannel shirts who do TV beer commercials. I hate the GST and carry a lot of cash, especially if we're remodeling the kitchen. I am Canadian. I don't know Jimmy, Sally or Suzy from Canada, although I'm certain they're really, really nice. I'm glad Elian is not my problem. I know Wayne's World was a documentary about Scarborough, not a comedy. I believe doughnuts are good for you. Sometimes I spring for the full dozen. But I watch my weight, like Monica Lewinsky. I am Canadian. A touque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch and it is pronounced Zed, not Zee. ZED! A call centre is a necessary barrier between me and the companies that sell gas, phone, cable that quite rightly don't want to hear from me. My bank pisses me off. I would change banks, except that I have already been a customer of all four other banks and they pissed me off too. I stand in line to talk to an ATM. I pay fees. I simmer. I sulk. I am Canadian. I know the cry of the loon is the sweetest sound on the planet. But since you can't make money in the woods, I do a loon call myself, usually late at night. I believe in high-speed police chases, unless they are chasing me. I support the newest Waterfront Redevelopment Scheme and will like the next one even more. I will drive the two-lane Gardiner Expressway on the hottest day this July and curse a blue streak. I'll get in the right-hand lane when I damn well feel like it. I am Canadian. I believe in bass boats, rolling up the rim and Saturdays at Canadian Tire. I say "Eh" and "okey-dokey." I brake for snowbirds and March break. I paid to build a superhighway across the top of Toronto, paid again to drive it and will pay a third time to get my licence plate when it turns out several 407ETR bills were sent to the wrong place. I pay taxes in quarterly installments, so they can spend it as fast as I earn it. I am Canadian. Thank you. More beer for everybody, quick. Let's get really, really loaded. Last edited by Ginger : 09-20-2006 at 12:28 AM.

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09-20-2006	#2 (permalink)
mofi añejo Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Now: Calgary, AB Before: Vancouver, BC, Canada Posts: 1,960	Haha I remember thoes commercials.......I AM CANADIAN!!!

09-20-2006	#3 (permalink)
Ginger none Join Date: Apr 2001 Posts: 10,162	Mofi, almost time for you to return here to BC, ain't it? You'll have some adjusting to do back in our wonderful climate....what are the seasons in BC again? Oh yeah, Almost Winter, Winter, Still Raining (Spring), Road Construction (Summer) & Raining Again (Fall).

09-20-2006	#4 (permalink)
Tony&Cheri livin' the dream Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Playa del Carmen Posts: 2,231	Thank you Ginger for this enlightening civics lesson. All we ever knew of Canada prior to this was what we learned from Bob & Doug Mckenzie's documentary, "Strange Brew". You make it sound wonderful and if global warming ever floods all of Mexico, we will come visit the Great White North, Ehhh?!

09-20-2006	#5 (permalink)
SunKneeMarie character encapsulator Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Texas Posts: 25,375	I have NO idea what HALF those words were... but I think that was Ginger's point in posting it... eh?

09-20-2006	#6 (permalink)
CaroleLB Go Cougars! Join Date: May 2003 Location: New Jersey Posts: 3,909	Oh come on... yiz do say a-boot!

09-20-2006	#10 (permalink)
DavidB añejo Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Mid Mich Posts: 2,755	What about the good things like: You can rollerblade across the US border... You can find BC Brownies laying around the neighborhood.

09-20-2006	#12 (permalink)
Mexivoof añejo Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Milwaukee, WI Posts: 2,916	Cripes Ginger, you live in freakin' suburban Seattle, you could probably spit across the border. Just root for the Seahawks and the Mariners, bow to King George, forget about hockey and everything will be all right

09-20-2006	#13 (permalink)
Seakony añejo Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: no longer in Mesquite with nothing to do Posts: 10,146	I have only been to Quebec, Montreal (world fair) and Niagra...but really like Canada...only complaint is "Put some damn Ice in my Iced Tea!!!!!" I just got used to ordering a glass of Iced tea, and a glass of ice. oh yeah, make that a big glass...like at least 20 ounces.

09-20-2006	#14 (permalink)
BarbC life=playa Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Ottawa, Canada Posts: 814	Gee, Seakony, I had no idea you were old enough to remember Expo 67 in Montreal... Of course, I was old enough to WORK there (when I was very young, of course!).

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