Management Lessons

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Management Lessons

Lesson Number One:

A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered, "Sure, why not?"

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.


Lesson Number Two;

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to get to the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fortnight of this unusual diet, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Unfortunately, his exalted position brought him to the attention of the farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Management Lesson: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson Number Three;

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be The Boss.

The brain said, "I should be the Boss, because I control all the body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be the Boss, because we carry the brain about, and take the body everywhere it wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

And so it went on and on, with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes all putting forward their arguments for why they should be the Boss, until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the thought of the asshole being the Boss.

So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up, and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes could not focus, the hands could no longer grip or manipulate, the feet twitched uncontrollably, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain could not function effectively.

Soon, they all agreed the asshole should be the Boss, and a motion was passed. The various body parts did all the work, while the Boss did little but pass out shit.

Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.


Lesson Number Four:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the little bird fell to the ground in a pasture, almost frozen to death. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on the bird.
As the frozen bird lay there in the manure, it began to realize how warm it felt. The dung was actually thawing him out. He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the joyful sound, the cat discovered the bird beneath the pile of cow dung, dug him out, and ate him.

Management Lessons:
1. Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut.