Management By Results

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MANAGEMENT BY RESULTS

The incredible account of Joshua at Jericho is easily explained by some. Take a humble, obedient man, add a dash of zeal and a good deal of faith, and the walls come tumbling down. Suppose, however, that Joshua was an executive, armed with all of today's management techniques, and given the same job. The progress file on "Project Jericho" might read like this.

Engineering Report to Joshua: Your idea of using sound to tumble the walls of Jericho has aroused much interest. An acoustic engineer has been hired, and his preliminary analysis indicates the notion of employing harmonic sound frequencies to bring the walls down is good. But he rejects the concept of using ram's horns to generate the required sound, because their frequency would not be pure enough to do the job. He suggests that sound of sufficient purity could only be produced with a giant tuning fork. He will have to carry out a detailed analysis of wall materials and composition, but estimates that in order to cause the walls to tumble, the fork will have to be 700 feet tall and 73 feet wide. A planning network is being developed to provide the necessary logistical support to begin fabrication of such a fork.

Administrative Memo to Joshua: Master Scheduling reports that a computer is an absolute necessity to provide logistical support. A study is underway on the feasibility of various buy/lease options for acquisition. Human Resources is conducting a general wage survey of the area to determine remuneration levels required for tech-support staff.

Engineering Report to Joshua: Potential power sources for the tuning fork are being evaluated. A novel approach is being researched, whereby a large, steam-driven catapult would cast a huge rock against the fork. The only difficulty we anticipate is that the area lacks rocks of sufficient size to accomplish the task.

Memo from Master Scheduling to Joshua: Forty-five specialists in matrix analysis are being sought by Human Resources to schedule the work, until the decision is made on the computer, the customized software can be written, and the system brought on-line. A full advertising campaign is underway to recruit the required Information Systems people.

Memo from Chief of Administration to Joshua: A new computer has been purchased, but work on planning is slow due to the lack of qualified matrix specialists who understand the logistical support requirements of people who have been living on manna for forty years. The project has been further delayed by government investigators who took exception to the ad in the local paper for systems people. Apparently, the wording has been ruled as clearly discriminatory against females. Human Resources has suggested we offer higher wages than the local titanium mines, as an incentive to recruitment.

Master Scheduling Report to Joshua: Although the project is falling behind schedule, the controller refuses to authorize additional hiring or overtime until improved cost-accounting procedures are established. Engineering has evaluated metals for the fork, and titanium is the logical choice. Although it is one of the more expensive options, its relative abundance and purity of sound justify its use.

Administrative Memo to Joshua: Additional government inspectors have arrived at the site and are insisting on examining all the materials used in construction. The internal audit has been completed, and Human Resources has hired the systems persons required. Computer programming is progressing on a time-sharing basis. We appreciate you suggestion on locating boulders in the Sinai Valley. We are forwarding your memo to our quarry superintendent. We're certain he will appreciate your sense of urgency.

Field Report to Joshua: Construction has been halted by a team of government inspectors who claim the steam-driven catapult would not be in compliance with local regulations covering atmospheric pollution control requirements. A brainstorming session came up with a possible answer. Several large workers could strike the fork simultaneously, and it would have the same affect as the catapult. It was discovered the government inspectors were on the wrong project. They should have been assigned to the "Persia Program", in Project Alexander.

Memo from Planning to Joshua: The planning team has completed its report and certain revisions will have to be made to the original revised version of the master schedule. Production of the fork is being pushed ahead on a fast-track basis, and the tower from which the workmen will strike the fork is under construction. The fork is only 40% complete, and we have encountered a serious shortage of titanium. We had single-sourced our purchase of the metal, but the supplier has been hit with a wildcat strike. The mine workers are striking to bring wages up to the local market level, which you may recall we had inflated by offering a premium to attract staff. A consultant is being hired to fine-tune the fork. He claims that the fork would only have to be 250 feet tall, if we strike it twice as hard. We are currently investigating the feasibility of this hypothesis.

Master Scheduling Report to Joshua: In order to meet the project deadline, we have shortened the fork and have decided to use the catapult. A clerk in our legal department has discovered that we may apply for a temporary exemption from the anti-pollution regulations on religious grounds. We are working around the clock. Progress was halted for a period of time, however, due to a lack of space. It seems there was some sort of a mix-up at the quarry in the Sinai Valley, and we received 45 stones of immense size.


Memo from Joshua to The Lord: As you are aware, from the inception of Project Jericho, we have had our finest engineers and our best management team working out the details of this very ambitious undertaking. I assure you that as soon as we iron out our labour difficulties - you have no idea how militant the unions have become of late - and assemble our matrix team, we will have the program right back on track. Could you see your way clear to giving us an extension of two months? Of course, with all the unforseen complications, project costs are running well beyond our original estimates. I'm sure you'll understand our situation.

Final Memo from Joshua to The Lord: I wish to inform you of some most unusual recent events. During the last week, Human Resources refused to hire a catapult operator until we had a job description. Our acoustical consultant was pressed into service to operate the equipment. The huge stone was cast into the tuning fork with such force that it snapped off at the base. Then an elderly janitor reported hearing the identical sound the fork made coming from an old ram's horn. There were thousands of ram's horns stored in a nearby cave. In desperation, everyone grabbed a horn, marched around the city's walls, and on my signal blew as hard as they could. I am pleased to report Project Jericho successfully completed.