Continuing Education

[Bumper]

It's that time of year again. Seems you can hardly go to your mailbox these days without finding some sort of brochure or circular promotng Continuing Education programmes for adults. Pamphlets from the Board of Education, Parks & Recreation Department, Night Schools, Community Centres and a myriad of other organizations. Here's a few that have come to our door lately. Anything here look like it might be interesting?

Adult Education - Self-Paced Courses

1100 Creative Suffering
S1101 Overcoming Peace of Mind
S1102 You and Your Birthmark
S1103 Guilt Without Sex
S1104 The Primal Shrug
S1105 Ego Gratification through Violence
S1106 Molding Your Child's Behaviour through Guilt and Fear
S1107 Dealing with Post-Realization Depression
S1108 Whine Your Way to Alienation
S1109 How to Overcome Self-Doubt through Pretense and Ostentation
EC-1 "I Made $100 in Real Estate"
EC-2 Money Can Make You Rich
EC-3 Packaging and Selling Your Child
EC-4 Career Opportunities in El Salvador
EC-5 How to Profit from Your Own Body
EC-7 The Underachiever's Guide to Very Small Business Opportunities
EC-12 Tax Shelters for the Indigent
EC-13 Looter's Guide to America's Cities
EC-14 How You Can Convert Your Room into a Garage
EC-406 Burglar-proof Your Home With Concrete
EC-409 1000 Other Uses for Your Vacuum Cleaner
EC-412 How to Convert a Wheelchair into a Dune Buggy
E-202 Creative Tooth Decay
E-203 Exorcism and Acne
E-204 The Joys of Hypochondria
E-205 High Fibre Sex
E-206 Suicide and Your Health
E-207 Biofeedback and How to Stop It
H-101 Skate Yourself to Regularity
H-102 Understanding Nudity
H-103 Tap Dance Your Way to Social Ridicule
H-104 Optional Body Functions
H-105 Self-Actualization through Macrame
D-101 How to Draw Genitalia
N-102 Needlecraft for Junkies
C-304 Cuticle Grafts
S-399 Gifts for the Senile
J-234 Bonsai Your Pet
N-345 Cultivating Viruses in Your Refrigerator
M-102 Sinus Drainage in Your Home
T-456 Basic Kitchen Taxidermy
V-909 The Repair and Maintenance of Your Virginity
C-987 Christianity and the Art of RV Maintenance
V-256 Incest: A Game the Whole Family can Play
V-576 Vasectomy Using Your Own Cutlery
Y-333 AIDS Without Fear

Continuing Education Courses for Women

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before.
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits.
3. Combating the Emelda Marcos Syndrome; You Do Not Need New Shoes Every Day.
4. Discovering How Minor Household Chores Can Wait Until After The Game.
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space In The Medicine Chest To.
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His.
7. Valuation: Just Because It's Not Important To You...
8. Parties: Going Without New Outfits.
9. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort.
10. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking.
11. Communication Skills III: Getting What You Want Without Nagging.
12. Driving A Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire.
13. Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share.
14. Telephone Skills: How To Hang Up.
15. Introduction To Parking.
16. Advanced Parking: Reversing Into A Space.
17. Overcoming Anal Retentive Behavior: Leaving The Towels On The Floor.
18. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs, And Butter.
19. Cooking II: Bran, Sprouts, And Tofu Are NOT For Human Consumption.
20. Cooking III: How Not To Inflict Your Diet On Other People.
21. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully.
22. PMS: Your Problem...Not His.
23. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like It.
24. Sex: It's For Married Couples To.
25. Appreciating Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have.
26. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice.
27. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together.
28. Ballet: For Women Only.
29. Oil And Gas: Your Car Needs Both.
30. Learning To Go In Public Washrooms.
31. Appreciating The Humour In The Three Stooges.
32. "Do These Jeans Make My Ass Look Big?" - Why Men Lie.
33. TV Remotes: For Men Only.
34. Sexy Lingerie For Any Occasion.
35. Elementary Map Reading.
36. Crying And Law Enforcement.
37. You CAN Go Shopping In Less Than Four Hours.
38. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End Of The World: A Study In Contrasts.
39. Beyond "Clean or Dirty" : The Nuances Of Wearable Laundry.
40. Yes, You Can Fill Up At A Self-Service Station.
41. Commitment Schmitment (Formerly Wedlock Schmedlock).
42. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House.

Seminars For Men (prepared and presented by women)

1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You, Too, Can Do Housework
3. How to Fill an Ice Tray
4. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas: Give us Money
5. Understanding the Female Response to Coming in Drunk at 1 a.m.
6. Laundry Techniques (formerly titled "Don't Wash my Silks")
7. Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception
8. Get a Life: Learn to Cook
9. How Not to Act Like an Jerk When You're Obviously Wrong
10. Spelling: Even You Can Get it Right
11. You: The Weaker Sex
12. Reasons to Give Flowers
13. Garbage: Getting it to the Curb
14. I'll Wear It If I Damn Well Please
15. How to Put the Toilet Lid Down (formerly titled "No, It's Not a Bidet")
16. "The Weekend" and "Sports" are Not Synonyms
17. Give Me a Break: Why We Know Your Excuses are Bullshit
18. How to Go Shopping with Your Mate and Not Get Lost
19. The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
20. Romanticism: Ideas Other Than Sex
21. Helpful Postural Hints for Couch Potatoes
22. Mothers-in-Law: They are People Too
23. Male Bonding: Leaving Your Friends at Home
24. You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
25. Techniques of Calling Home
26. PMS - Learning When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
27. How To Fill An Ice Cube Tray
28. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
29. How To Stay Awake After Sex
30. Sex I - You Can Fall Asleep Without It If You Really Try
Sex II - The Morning Dilemma - If It's Awake, Take A Shower
31. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
32. Changing Your Underwear, It Really Works
33. The Attainable Goal - Eliminating %#@*& From Your Vocabulary
34. Real Men Ask For Directions


Seminars For Females (prepared and presented by men)

1. Are You Ready to Leave?: Definition of the Word YES
2. Appropriate Rhetorical Questions (formerly titled "Honey, Do I Look Fat?")
3. Elementary Map Reading
4. Crying and Law Enforcement
5. Advanced Math Seminar: Programming Your VCR
6. You CAN Go Shopping for Less than 4 Hours
7. Gaining Five Pounds vs. The End of the World: A Study in Contrast
8. The Seven-Outfit Week
9. Driving I: Getting Past Automatic Transmissions
10. Driving II: The Meaning of Blinking Red Lights
11. Driving III: Approximating a Constant Speed
12. Driving IV: Makeup and Driving: It's As Simple As Oil and Water
13. Telephone Translations (formerly titled "Me Too" = "I Love You")
14. How to Earn Your Own Money
15. Gift-giving Fundamentals (formerly titled "Fabric Bad, Electronics Good")
16. Putting the Seat Down By Yourself: Potential Energy is on Your Side
17. Know When to Say When: The Limits of Makeup
18. Beyond "Clean and Dirty": The Nuances of Wearable Laundry
19. We Forget Birthdays, You Forget Sports Stats: LET'S LET IT DROP
20. MYOB: Proper Response to Other Couple's Public Arguments
21. Joys of the Remote Control: Reaping the Benefits of 50+ Channels
22. What Goes Around Comes Around: Why His Credit Card is Not a Toy
23. His Poker Games: Deal Yourself Out
24. To Honour and Obey: Remembering the Small Print Above "I Do"
25. Why Your Mother Is Unwelcome In The House
26. Your Mate: Selfish Bastard, or Victimized Sensitive Man?
27. Lingerie - The Gift That Keeps On Giving
28. Who Belongs On Top And Why
29. How To Say "Yes"
30. Why A Bad Sports Telecast Is Better Than A Good Soap Opera
31. Road Maps And Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps
32. How To Parallel Park
33. How To Drive A Nail Without Breaking One
34. Chequebook Balancing (Formerly "Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic")
35. How To Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have
36. Vacations - Doing With Less Than Four Suitcases
37. Going To The Bathroom Alone (Formerly "Coping Without My Friends")
38. Understanding the Male Response to "Do I Look Okay?"
39. Sex - More Than Just Laying There
40. Fishing - Being Able To Bait Your Own Hook
41. You Too Can Be First To Hang Up The Phone
42. Sex - Learning To Initiate
43. Shopping - Buying What You Can Afford, Not What You Can Charge

[jags]

Oh, Bumper! You continue to make me laugh out loud! Can't wait until Peep Fest to see you again!!

[itsmysecondtime]

Originally Posted by Bumper

It's that time of year again. Seems you can hardly go to your mailbox these days without finding some sort of brochure or circular promotng Continuing Education programmes for adults. Pamphlets from the Board of Education, Parks & Recreation Department, Night Schools, Community Centres and a myriad of other organizations. Here's a few that have come to our door lately. Anything here look like it might be interesting?


H-101 Skate Yourself to Regularity

T-456 Basic Kitchen Taxidermy

C-987 Christianity and the Art of RV Maintenance

34. Real Men Ask For Directions

Now here's a well rounded course load to consider for this Fall; just what I've been looking for all along.