A Jaundiced Eye

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Jaundiced Eye

Once upon a time, there was a wise and successful king, who had three difficult daughters. The king knew he was wise and successful, because everybody told him so.

And he knew his daughters were difficult, because people were always saying things like, "Wow! Are the king's daughters ever difficult!" or "There go the three difficult daughters of our wise and successful king."

Now, daughters mean several things to man. They mean weddings, sons-in law, grandchildren, and a happy old age - not necessarily in that order. The king realized he might be denied these pleasures, because his daughters were so difficult, so he set about finding a solution.

First of all, being wise, he ordered all his courtiers to think for him; and second, being successful, he gave them a week to come up with the answer, or lose their heads. The king was a master of incentive awards.

For a while, it looked hopeless. Then one day, a fast-talking man in a red and yellow checkered suit strutted into the kingdom. "New BOLD Ideas" read the business card he handed to the king. And, indeed, his ideas were innovative and enterprising. "What you have to do is sell those girls," he said. "Find their strong points and capitalize on them. Advertise!"

He eyed the king carefully, then continued, "Tell ya what I'm gonna do. I'm going to find out from those girls what they can do." And he asked each of them in turn, "What can you do?"

"I can s-s-s-sew, " said the first girl, as she collapsed into a nervous heap on the carpet and burst into tears.

"I can cook," said the second, grinning and gesturing with one of the fattest arms the man had ever seen.

"I can play the piano," whined the third, and ran her fingers along the keyboard without hitting a single note correctly.

The man thought long and hard. How was he going to sell these difficult girls? How was he going to advertise them? What was the product position...that special hook he needed in order to clinch the sale? Then he had it! He went to the king with a smile on his lips and a clear conscience.

"Your Royal Bossiness," he said to his employer, "fear not, for I have your solution. I'll be away for a few days, but when I return, I'll have those girls married."

And return he did, several days hence, with a gentleman lavishly dressed in swirling robes and a turban.

"King baby," said the fast-talking man, "meet the Sultan of Quasi-Arabia."
The king bowed low and asked tearfully, "And which one of my daughters have you chosen to be your bride, oh sheik?"

"What do you mean, which one?" asked the sheik. "I want all three. They fit my needs precisely. They were advertised as an inexpensively priced import, and I was told that if I took two, I would get the third at no extra charge."

The wise and successful king looked up, wiped the tears of joy from his face, and requested a moment alone with his star salesman.

"You are certainly creative and brilliant, Mr. Marketing Man. You have solved the problem of merchandising my three daughters. You are a master of The New Approach. I'm signing you to a year's contract."

The very next day, the king summoned his marketing man to his chambers. "Marketing Man, what have you done for me lately?"

"Nothing since yesterday, Your Royal Highness."

"In that case, you're fired!" said the king, who lived happily ever after.