Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Santa Visit Request
Santa's Visit Application
Please Note: You better not pout, you better not cry, you better be good, I'm telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town, and he doesn't have much time. To assist in the processing of all children's requests, please fill in this form clearly and truthfully, because he does know.
What do your parents call you? ____________________________
Where do you live? _____________________________________
Have you been good? On the scale below, indicate (tick) your level of behaviour over the last twelve months. (Remember...he knows!)
Angelic: 1 ___ 2 ___ 3 ___
Kidding Around: 4 ___ 5 ___ 6 ___
Despicable: 7 ___ 8 ___ 9 ___
If you ticked between 1 and 3 inclusive, what would you like for Christmas? (Please Print)
If you ticked between 4 and 6 inclusive, what would you like for Christmas? (Please Print)
If you ticked between 7 and 9 inclusive, what would you like for Christmas? (Please Print)
What is the pitch of your roof?______________
If the pitch is more than thirty degrees, please attach a diagram of the roof indicating at least two readily accessible anchor points. (Eg. TV antenna, spire, chimney, etc.)
Does your roof have a minimum load-bearing capacity of one ton per square metre? (Nine reindeer, a fully-loaded sleigh, plus a portly gentleman in a red suit.)
( ) Yes.
( ) No. On the night in question, please ensure your driveway is clear of all objects larger than a cat.
( ) Unsure. Please attach a certified engineer's report clearly outlining the average load- bearing capacity of your roof.
Do you have a chimney? ________
( ) Yes. When was it last swept? ____ /_____/_____
Approximate diameter of opening. ________________
Please ensure that on the night in question the hearth is clear of burning embers and sharp objects.
Gift Placement Details:
Where would you like your gifts placed?
( ) Stocking
( ) End of bed
( ) Under the Christmas tree
( ) Hidden (Please indicate level of difficulty)
( ) All day to find
( ) Half day to find
( ) Ten minutes to find
Will refreshments be provided? ( ) Yes
What type of refreshments will be available?
( ) Brandy
( ) Rum
( ) Tequila
( ) Gin
( ) Scotch
( ) Vodka
( ) Whiskey
( ) Bourbon
( ) Beer
( ) Wine
( ) Other (Please specify, including percentage proof. ________ Alc./Vol)
Where will these refreshments be found?
( ) Liquor cabinet
( ) Bar
( ) Fridge
( ) Cupboard (Attach a floor plan indicating which cupboard/s in which room/s)
( ) On the kitchen table (Preferred option)
I, the aforementioned child, resident at the abovementioned address, declare that the information provided herein is true and correct in every detail. Furthermore, I authorize Santa Claus to contact my parents at the same address to confirm the details set out herein. I understand that in the event my declarations do not correspond with those of my parents, especially as they pertain to the details of my level of behaviour, it could be a lean Christmas. I also promise to be asleep when Santa visits, because he does know.
Your Name; _______________________ What's Today?_____/_____/_____
Please send this completed application by Air Mail, to arrive no later than the night before Christmas, to:
Mr. S. Claus
North Pole, Canada
Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a pristine, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!"