Questions About Canada

[Bumper]

Questions about Canada

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people the world over are asking! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke but the questions were really asked.

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy )
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and
Halifax ? (England )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Ca-na-da is that big country to your North..oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? (England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , right after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany )
A: No, we don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada ? (USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful nation of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent. They roam the city streets eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. Spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking will scare them off.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

[roni]

I have done been to Canada.
Toronto - very nice and big. Walked underground for a long time. You can eat, shop and get drunk underground.

Niagra Falls, on the way to Toronto. David, my friend on the faculty at Buf State, took me for a very nice dinner on the way to Toronto. Three days later, after my professional conference, we stopped at a Tim Horton place near Hamilton. They had a good little strawberry thingie and coffee.

I have also been to Kelowna and bought wine at the wine Museum. It was good, but I think it may have contained alcohol - especially the little bottle of sumping that was just like a Port, but they could not call it a Port, cause it wasn't from Port, so they called it a - s hit, it started with F, but it was not F**ck, cause it could not be that, though you could do that after a little bottle of it, but maybe not after a big bottle of it.

The other places I have been were all on Vancouver Island, or on the way there.

Victoria (a friend fondly refers to it as an amusement park and he calls it CanadaLand.

Nanaimo

Denman Island and Hornby Island.

I think that is it, mostly. We survived. There is a great Mexican restaurant in Nanaimo. There are not hippo races in Canada, but there are Hoppo races, in which Canadians (who were born there), race each other on Pogo Sticks.

That is all I know.

[Bumper]

Roni, you've done it all. A couple of the beautiful Gulf Islands, Vancouver Island, Kelowna and the Okanagan, Niagara Falls, and the piece de resistance...The Big Smoke. What else can there be, right? I'm impressed, buddy, and I don't impress easily.

[penalipee]

those questions are hilarious. Then again...so are the answers.
Sounds like an interesting place...One day maybe I'll visit Canada...hmmm..wait a minute
where am I??

[jc2]

tourism canada could use a man like you,bumper. also: do they feed your sled dogs at the park and fly? actually a funny thing happened to me while at the clothing optional hippo races....

[Bumper]

Y'know, when I was posting this, I thought, "It seems to me, I remember....?" So, I went looking in my files and came up with the following. Banff, by the way, is a terrific National Park near Calgary. It's known around the world for its beauty and abundant wildlife.

Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists

Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!

1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing" signs?
2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?
3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?
Park Information Staff:" 'Elk' "
Tourist: "Oh".
4. Are the bears with collars tame?
5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?
6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent?
7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?
8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was?
9. Are there birds in Canada?
10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?
11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?
12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?
13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?
14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?
15. Which is the way to the Columbia Rice fields?
16. How far is Banff from Canada?
17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day?
18. Do they search you at the B.C. border?
19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds?
20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they?
21. Are there phones in Banff?
22. So it's eight kilometers away... is that in miles?
23. We're on the decibel system you know.
24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??
25. Is that two kilometers by foot or by car?
26. Don't you Canadians know anything?
27. Where do you put the animals at night?
28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?"
Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom".
Tourist: "Oh!"

[Rissask]

good ones Bumper.

Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan?

[tlegray]

originally posted by jc2:
a funny thing happened to me while at the clothing optional hippo races....

They have clothing optional hippos in Canada? or do they only dress for the races?

[nascarduck3]

By "clothing optional" i think it was meant that they have the choice of wearing a bag over their head or not just so they will NOT be recognized ! if they so choose

[Jesus]

Originally Posted by Bumper

17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day?

Easy, by plane. A non-stop flight from NYC to Alaska.

[Juanito]

When is the Web Cam going up at Wreck Beach?

[Bren]

Many of these questions have truly been asked,sad but true. I think we Canadian's know more about the USA and other parts of the world than they know about us. We remember being in Austin Texas in 1984 and some people there asked us if we really still lived in Ingloo's. Give me a break.

[STOGEY]

Originally Posted by Bumper

Questions about Canada

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people the world over are asking! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke but the questions were really asked.

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.



Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy )
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and
Halifax ? (England )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Ca-na-da is that big country to your North..oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? (England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , right after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany )
A: No, we don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada ? (USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful nation of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent. They roam the city streets eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. Spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking will scare them off.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Are their Americans in Canada or are Canadians Americans?

[itsmysecondtime]

Originally Posted by Bren

...We remember being in Austin Texas in 1984 and some people there asked us if we really still lived in Ingloo's...

Well...do you or do you not? Why the suspense, blurt it out, ...darn it.

[Bumper]

Originally Posted by itsmysecondtime

Well...do you or do you not? Why the suspense, blurt it out, ...darn it.

Darned right. Here's a picture of my house.


And here's my summer place.