Making Coupledom Work Well

[JudyBluEyes]

Originally Posted by bufante

Tru Dat!

Hmm...I have had this argument with others...I don't think you can make it work well...it just does or it just doesn't.

I wouldn't call it "work" either...I know it is just semantics, but the word itself makes it harder then it should be.

Hey Bufante... I want you to frame this post and hang it on your wall, then read it again in say about 20 or 25 years...

[Luv2Dance]

Originally Posted by JudyBluEyes

Hey Bufante... I want you to frame this post and hang it on your wall, then read it again in say about 20 or 25 years...

Seasoned veteran?

[bufante]

Originally Posted by Jacko

Hmmm... I don't think I agree with those words (at least how I perceive them) For us, after 36 years of learning to live together with another, wonderful human being...if we had just "let it be or not", it would not have been!

And ...."harder than it should be" ?... How hard is that? Perhaps especially in this time of the sometimes quick divorce or split-up, I feel it is important for people to know that, at least in our experience, there can be arguments....it can be difficult and require a great deal of "work"....and it can still be wonderful! Perhaps more so when you work through things that were not easy.

We had/have to work at it on occasions (sometimes VERY hard) and we still think it is very well worth any "work" we have put into it.....but everyone is different I suppose in how they find and build their true love..(notice again, I said "build")

Good for you Jacko. I agree with you...I just see it a bit different.

I don't see it as work. I don't see something that someone is passionate about as work...you just do what comes natural.

I know it is hard (I agree) we have all been there, and I know that some feel as though they worked their asses off and they are happy and proud of that work, but the word work just gives it a weird connotation IMHO.

And ...."harder than it should be" ?... How hard is that?

Well, it's as hard as you want to be..I personally don't think it is as hard as others might think it is.

It is sad about the divorce rate now a days, I guess they should have worked harder...or maybe just not gotten married so fast?

[SunKneeMarie]

Originally Posted by bufante

Good for you Jacko. I agree with you...I just see it a bit different.

I don't see it as work. I don't see something that someone is passionate about as work...you just do what comes natural.

I know it is hard (I agree) we have all been there, and I know that some feel as though they worked their asses off and they are happy and proud of that work, but the word work just gives it a weird connotation IMHO.

Well, it's as hard as you want to be..I personally don't think it is as hard as others might think it is.

It is sad about the divorce rate now a days, I guess they should have worked harder...or maybe just not gotten married so fast?

what? what's that you say??

[bufante]

Originally Posted by SunKneeMarie

what? what's that you say??

You got it quick...damn you guys are good.

[Jacko]

Originally Posted by bufante

Good for you Jacko. I agree with you...I just see it a bit different.

I don't see it as work. I don't see something that someone is passionate about as work...you just do what comes natural.

I know it is hard (I agree) we have all been there, and I know that some feel as though they worked their asses off and they are happy and proud of that work, but the word work just gives it a weird connotation IMHO.

Well, it's as hard as you want to be..I personally don't think it is as hard as others might think it is.

It is sad about the divorce rate now a days, I guess they should have worked harder...or maybe just not gotten married so fast?

Hmmm ..I am very passionate about my work and find what I do very natural...

And fundamentally, it is VERY difficult to talk about these things because it is very relative to the people involved....Perhaps if I said,

I love the work involved with a healthy long term relationship and I find it very natural and I am very passionate about it!

[bufante]

Originally Posted by Jacko

Hmmm ..I am very passionate about my work and find what I do very natural...

And fundamentally, it is VERY difficult to talk about these things because it is very relative to the people involved....Perhaps if I said,

I love the work involved with a healthy long term relationship and I find it very natural and I am very passionate about it!

Obviously I have a problem with the word work!

[Skiptown]

After 35 years together I would say:

1. Marry your best friend in this life.

2. Don't sweat the small stuff
2.a It's almost all small stuff.

3. Fight fair. Yesterday really is history and ya can't change it.

4. Laugh a lot at life. Live a life that matters and Love like ya got nothing to loose.

I have always told Mrs D that if she found a better deal than me, take it. I'm still her guy. I am so lucky!!!!

[sctx]

Originally Posted by Skiptown

2. Don't sweat the small stuff
2.a It's almost all small stuff.

I have a $500 rule....if it aint worth $500, it aint worth arguin about

personally, I think it all starts with dishes...as long as she does the dishes, it works out well

[Luv2Dance]

Originally Posted by sctx

I have a $500 rule....if it aint worth $500, it aint worth arguin about

personally, I think it all starts with dishes...as long as she does the dishes, it works out well

You are easy to please!

[Jacko]

Originally Posted by Skiptown

Love like ya got nothing too loose.

!!!

I agree with all of those...ESPECIALLY this one!

[Mikey]

Originally Posted by sctx

I have a $500 rule....if it aint worth $500, it aint worth arguin about

personally, I think it all starts with dishes...as long as she does the dishes, it works out well

Are shot glasses considered dishes?

[roni]

Originally Posted by Susie Q Roo

How do you and yours do it? What do you think the secret is to a successful and happy relationship?

EDIT: Not how do you do *IT* btw!

I think there are a couple of big things.

Respect each other
Think about stuff, what is important to in a relationship. Not just what is important, but what is absolutely essential.

When the little stuff gets difficult, remember the essential stuff.

Talk. Alot, about everything.

I thought about not mentioning some doubts I had about marriage after we had decided to get married. I scared myself, and ended up with this formulation. "This is the woman with whom you are planning to spend the rest of your life. This can't start by keeping important stuff to yourself. If you're serious about this, you have to have this conversation with Kathy."

We had the conversation, and have been able to have many subsequent conversastions about difficult things. I think that is essential.

[sctx]

Originally Posted by Mikey

Are shot glasses considered dishes?

yep.........all 53 of them........hand washed of course

[SarahB]

Originally Posted by Jacko

Hmmm... I don't think I agree with those words (at least how I perceive them) For us, after 36 years of learning to live together with another, wonderful human being...if we had just "let it be or not", it would not have been!

And ...."harder than it should be" ?... How hard is that? Perhaps especially in this time of the sometimes quick divorce or split-up, I feel it is important for people to know that, at least in our experience, there can be arguments....it can be difficult and require a great deal of "work"....and it can still be wonderful! Perhaps more so when you work through things that were not easy.

We had/have to work at it on occasions (sometimes VERY hard) and we still think it is very well worth any "work" we have put into it.....but everyone is different I suppose in how they find and build their true love..(notice again, I said "build")

People force relationships at times that are obviously not meant to be (get prego or married when things aren't going well, etc.). That's how I interpret what Adam meant when he said "it works or it doesn't." It shouldn't have to be so hard and forced (in my opinioin). I don't have a problem with the word "work." It's just the good kind of work that you should want to do. Kinda like a hobby or something that you are continuously working on and you are happy to do and proud of what you have.

People can call it what they want, deal with it how they want, etc. Obviously there is going to be work, troubles, disagreements, and arguments. However, I think if the good times don't outweigh the bad over time...well, I'm not sure what you do! I am glad I don't have that issue! At some point I would guess that life is too short to be unhappy and it might be time to "let it be."