What makes a marriage work? (quick quiz)

[ryberg]

I guess for lack of anything more specific, and given the wording of both the item and the question (see note below graphic I posted), one would kind of have to say that they're just referring to the existence/presence of children in the marriage. That is to say that I think the question asking to what extent just simply having children is important to a successful marriage. And to me, at least, that would intuitively fit with only about 40% of the people responding saying it was important to that: not even a majority of people think they're so important to the success of a marriage.

But they should have done better, made it clearer.

Steve

[Rissask]

Here is an article on that same survey...some interesting points...

Chore-sharing was cited as very important by 62 percent of respondents, up from 47 percent in 1990.

The survey also found that, by a margin of nearly 3-to-1, Americans say the main purpose of marriage is the "mutual happiness and fulfillment" of adults rather than the "bearing and raising of children."

Delving into one of the nation's most divisive social issues, the survey found that 57 percent of public opposes allowing gays and lesbians to marry. However, opinion was almost evenly divided on support for civil unions that would give same-sex couples many of the same rights as married couples.

and this is interesting too...

Research studies support the perception of a decrease in marital satisfaction after having children. In 1997, sociologist Mary Benin of Arizona State University, Tempe reported the results of a long-term study of marital happiness. Tracking marriages over many years, Benin found a U-shaped marital satisfaction curve for couples that have children. Marital happiness for parents starts out high, declines with the birth of the first baby, hits rock bottom during the teen years, and then rises again to reach almost pre-kid levels only after the children have grown up and left home.

Meanwhile, the marriages of childless couples remain as happy as those of pre-kid couples, and their relationships are more likely to improve steadily over time. Based on the results of Benin’s research, USA Today reported that couples in pre-kid and no-kid marriages are the happiest of all.

The rewards of increased time, opportunity, and money enjoyed by couples who aren’t raising children also contribute to greater marital satisfaction. Living without children gives a married couple more time and energy to concentrate on each other, which produces healthier relationships.

Other important lifestyle benefits that childfree couples cite: more time for friends, family, community projects, and hobbies; more opportunity to pursue professional goals including full-time careers for both partners; and more disposable income to devote to other interests such as charitable giving, travel, and early retirement. For many people, these factors add up to more fulfilling lives, happier marriages, and greater marital satisfaction.

[cyndyj1]

Originally Posted by ryberg

That is to say that I think the question asking to what extent just simply having children is important to a successful marriage. And to me, at least, that would intuitively fit with only about 40% of the people responding saying it was important to that: not even a majority of people think they're so important to the success of a marriage.

I would agree with that...that's such a personal issue. Some people want children, some people don't. Personally (as a single mother), I don't think children necessarily have any effect on the success or failure of a marriage. If your relationship is solid, children or the lack of children, happy children, problem children, whatever, any kind of children won't make it or break it.

[JoanieBlon]

Originally Posted by ryberg

Hey, good one. Really.

I agree that children one is too vague. I've seen cases where not being able to have them, for example, seemed to be a prime cause of a marriage ending in divorce, even though it otherwise seemed healthy. The item is so vague it could refer to anything from differences in disciplining them to how many to have to whether they help hold a marriage together that might otherwise break apart...

Anyways, though, I'll spill the beans: the remaining 7 items, according to the survey, appear in precisely the order I originally posted them. (Now aren't I clever? )

Here's the graphic from the article:



The article itself, inane title and all, is Modern Marriage: "I Like Hugs. I Like Kisses. But What I Really Love is Help with the Dishes." As that indicates, they're making a lot of hay out of help with the chores coming in so highly ranked. Certainly surprised me, though that my just underscore my particular chromosomal makeup!

See what you think...

Steve

Was there any data provided as to the sex of the responders to this survey? I'm willing to bet that the majority was female. I'm saying that because of "Sharing Household Chores" coming in at Number 3.

Without a doubt MANY women who now work outside the home and also do most of the cooking, cleaning, and looking after the children would place this up at the top, as they feel overwhelmed by too much to do and not enough time to do it all.

[cyndyj1]

Originally Posted by JoanieBlon

Without a doubt MANY women who now work outside the home and also do most of the cooking, cleaning, and looking after the children would place this up at the top, as they feel overwhelmed by too much to do and not enough time to do it all.

Personally, if everything else in the relationship was great, I wouldn't give a rat's a$$ about this issue. Of course, for the relationship to be that good, it would have to be with a man who completely understood that some things just would NOT be done unless he was doing his share. And I'd be absolutely fine with that. On some other thread somewhere here, someone stated that a perfectly clean house is sometimes over-rated, and I agree. Other things sometimes have to take priority over housework. Like work, fun, and head.... (That was for the guys).

[ryberg]

Good to hear varying views.

I guess there is more information on the survey background at the link for the article that I posted, or at other links like the one Maggie posted.

That was particularly interesting, I thought, the bolded but about the U-shaped result for happiness in the relationship being centered on the years raising children. I wonder how quantitative that research is -- sounds more like qualitative, case study-type of stuff that may not be applicable across a broad spectrum. But of course even if that's the case, it can often highlight things quantitative research misses, and it's certainly an interesting point to me to consider! (You mean I'm heading for the worst part?!? )

Thanks for posting that. Gonna have to go visit that link a bit...

Steve