(FUNNY) Rules of Houston...Texas

[Doggiemom]

For those of you that live in the Houston area....and for those of you thinking of moving here!

Rules of Houston , H-Town, 3rd Coast, Bayou City , The Dirty 3rd, or whatever you wanna call it.

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Hue-stun," not "Ewe-stun", or "house-tun" Oh yea, the street is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay," not" San Phil-eep" (San Felipe). Enunciate, you idiots!
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston . We all drive like that.
3. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.
4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a " Scenic Drive .."
5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM . The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM . Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.
7. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.( kirk-en-doll)
8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.
9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrases, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena !" or "God, I hate Baytown !" or "Mmm, smell that Texas City !"
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total right-of-way.
12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. In turn, the minimum speed on Westheimer is at least 45mph...
13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.
14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.
15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.
16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.
17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana ..
22. If you live in Katy and I live on the south side of Houston we'll never hang out.
23. The best thing about being drunk between 2-5 am is Whataburger will serve both breakfast and normal menus.
24. You are always able to be pulled over by any police vehicle, even if you were just given a ticket.
25. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the feeder like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built.
26. Else-where, they are called frontage roads... Here in Houston , they are called FEEDER roads, so don't look stupid when we say "Exit the feeder road and use the loop-d-loop"

If you don't live here, most of this will sound utterly insane, but to all of us who call this home..nothing but the truth and you know it!!!

[DavidB]

I'll have to send this to my brother that lives just north of Houston.

[jmac]

I've been to Houston and I pretty much believe all of them. I also could probably live there, I can drive there (better than the city of 15000 a half hour from me, they ARE idiots there).

[penalipee]

This was hilarious. Most of these rules apply in Canada as well. Except for the reloading and getting shot ones. Well.....not yet anyway

[Jesus]

Mhhh, sounds like Mexico city. Specially the one about Friday's rush hour start.

Some neigborhoods don't have wrought iron on the windows only, but have fences IN the streets and barriers with guards.

Number 7, about the yellow light is extremely accurate.

[Davev]

On a similar vein:

You Know You're from Boston When…

• You think of Philadelphia as the Midwest.
• You think it's your God-given right to cut someone off in traffic.
• You think there are only 25 letters in the alphabet (no Rs).
• You think three straight days of 90+ temperatures is a heat wave.
• All your pets are named after Red Sox, Patriots or Bruins.
• You refer to six inches of snow as a "dusting".
• Just hearing the words "New York" puts you in an angry mood.
• You don't think you have an attitude.
• You always 'bang a left' as soon as the light turns green, and oncoming traffic always expects it. Everything in town is "a five minute walk."
• When out of town, you think the natives of the area are all whacked.
• You still can't bear to watch highlights from game 6 of the 1986 World Series (although it's getting easier).
• You have no idea what the word compromise means.
• You believe using your turn signal is a sign of weakness.
• You don't realize that you walk and talk twice as fast as everyone else.
• You're anal, neurotic, pessimistic and stubborn.
• You think if someone is nice to you, they must want something or are from out of town.
• Your favorite adjective is "wicked".
• You think 63° ocean water is warm.
• You think the Kennedy's are misunderstood.

Or the 101 List
PS #62 - I still have TWO Flexible Flyers (and a 3rd off-brand)!!

[pamplemoose77]

so true!! 610 gets me everytime!

[Doggiemom]

I like #25, make your own exit! I see it ALL the time!

[pamplemoose77]

Originally Posted by Doggiemom

I like #25, make your own exit! I see it ALL the time!

that happens up here too! gotta love it!

[Gulliver]

I like number 16. You have to drive at the same speed as the "pace car" no mater what it is.

[Davev]

I am surprised at the "feeder" thing, Texas has such a tough reputation for law enforcement, I am surprised that they let that go on..

[Doggiemom]

Originally Posted by Davev

I am surprised at the "feeder" thing, Texas has such a tough reputation for law enforcement, I am surprised that they let that go on..

So you don't get stuck in traffic...you can see the traffic slowing down wayyyy ahead, so better exit, even if there is no exit!

[Doggiemom]

Originally Posted by Gulliver

I like number 16. You have to drive at the same speed as the "pace car" no mater what it is.

I drive on Beltway 8 everyday to/from work (same as Sam Houston Tollway) it scares the bejeezes out of me everytime!

[Gulliver]

Originally Posted by Doggiemom

I drive on Beltway 8 everyday to/from work (same as Sam Houston Tollway) it scares the bejeezes out of me everytime!

Beltway 8 is insane. Nothing like going 70+ through the EZ Tag lanes and it is even more fun in the rain.