[Bumper]

Because of the wide variety of national origins of so many of those who frequent this forum, I felt you might enjoy this little bit of distraction. I realize it is not exactly politically correct, but it's not intended to offend, merely amuse. Besides, if something attacks everybody...can it be said to be discriminatory?

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH

1.When speaking fast, you can make yourself sound gay.
2.Experience the joy of winning the World Cup for the first time.
3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog legs.
4.If there’s a war you can surrender really early.
5.You don’t have to read the sub-titles on those late-night movies on Channel 52.
6.You can test your nuclear weapons in other people’s countries.
7.You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8.You can allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street destroying your sense of national pride.
9.You don’t have to bother with toilets, just piss in the street.
10.People think you’re a great lover, even when you’re not.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AN AMERICAN

1.You can have a woman president without electing one.
2.You can spell colour and honour wrong and get away with it.
3.You can keep a straight face while calling Budweiser “beer”.
4.You can be a crook and still be president.
5.If you’ve got enough money, you can be elected to any position you want.
6.If you can breathe, you can get a gun.
7.You get to be really obese.
8.You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody notices.
9.You get to call everybody you’ve ever met “buddy.”
10.You can think you’re the greatest nation on earth...when you’re not...at all.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH

1.Two World Wars and one World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
2.Proper beer.
3.You get to confuse everybody with the rules of cricket.
4.You get lots of practice accepting defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5.Union jack underwear.
6.Water shortages guaranteed every summer.
7.You can live in the past imagining you’re still a world power.
8.Bathing once a week - whether you need to or not.
9.Ditto changing underwear.
10.Beats being Welsh (or Scottish)


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN

1.In-depth knowledge of obscure pasta shapes.
2.Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3.No need to worry about tax returns.
4.Glorious military history - prior to 400 AD.
5.Can wear sunglasses inside.
6.Political stability.
7.Flexible working hours.
8.Live near the Pope.
9.Can spend hours braiding girlfriend’s armpit hair.
10.Country run by Sicilian murderers.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH

1.Glorious history of killing off entire South American tribes.
2.The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3.You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits etc.
4.The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5.Everybody else makes crappy paella and claims it’s the real thing.
6.Honestly.
7.Only sure way of getting laid is to dress up in stupid, skin-tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
8.You get to eat bull’s testicles.
9.Gibraltar.
10.Supported Argentina in the Falklands war.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN

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TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING INDIAN

1.Chicken Madras
2.Lamb Passanda
3.Onion Bhaji
4.Bombay Potato
5.Chicken Tikka Masala
6.Rogan Josh
7.Papadoms
8.Chicken Dopiaza
9.Meat Boona
10.Kingfisher Lager


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING WELSH

1.You’ve got to be kidding...right?


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING IRISH

1.Guinness.
2.18 children because you can’t use contraceptives.
3.You can get into a fight just by marching down somebody’s road.
4.Pubs never close.
5.Can use Papal edicts on birth control, based on the second Vatican Council of 1968 to persuade your girlfriend you can’t have sex while wearing a condom.
6.No one can ever remember the night before.
7.You get to kill people you don’t agree with.
8.Stew.
9.More Guinness.
10.Eating stew and drinking Guinness in an Irish pub at 3 in the morning after a night of sectarian violence.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING A CANADIAN

1.It beats being an American.
2.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
3.You can play hockey 12 months of the year...outdoors.
4.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.
5.Where else can you travel 2,000 miles over fresh water in a canoe?
6.A political leader can admit to smoking pot and his / her popularity rating will go up.
7.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital yo the ground.
8.You can kill Grizzly bears with giant guns and cover your house with their hides.
9.Own-an-Eskimo scheme.
10.Only country to successfully invade the US and burn its capital to the ground.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING AN AUSTRALIAN

1.Know your great-grandad was a murdering psychopath that no civilized country on earth wanted.
2.Fosters Lager.
3.Dispossess aborigines who have lived in their country for 40,000 years because you think it belongs to you.
4.Captain of your National Cricket team isn’t afraid to cry on TV.
5.Tact and sensitivity.
6.Bondi Beach.
7.Other beaches.
8.Liberated attitude to homosexuals.
9.Drinking cold Fosters Lager on the beach.
10.Having a bit of a swim then drinking cold Foster Lager on the beach.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH

1.You can be arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
2.You can make jokes about the Belgians but still drink their beer.
3.a) You can legally kill yourself b) You can legally be killed
4.You’re exactly like the Germans, except nobody hates you.
5.You think you’re a world power, but everybody else thinks Copenhagen is your capital.
6.You get to insult people and defend yourself by claiming it’s a national tradition.
7.You can save your country by putting your finger in a dyke.
8.You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you’ve never met your neighbours.
9.If the economy is bad, you can blame the Germans. If a war is started, you can blame the Germans. If you lose your keys, you can blame the Germans.
10.Bikes are public property. Locks are only a minor inconvenience.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN

1.You get to speak three languages, but none of them intelligibly.
2.If other nations want to fight a war, they will do it in your country.
3.You can brew drinks out of fruit and still call them beer.
4.You are either a) Like the Dutch, but less efficient b) Like the French, but less romantic c) Like the Germans, but don’t march as well.
5.Decent fries. Real mayonnaise. Great chocolate. The best beer.
6.No one knows anything about you, except for the Dutch and the French, and they make fun of you.
7.More scandals in a week than any other country in a decade.
8.You can drive like a maniac and nobody cares.
9.All your famous countrymen are either imaginary, or sex-offenders.
10.Face it, it’s not really a country, is it?


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING NORWEGIAN

1.You get to pay the highest taxes in the world.
2.You can kill baby seals and eat Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer.
3.You live in total freezing darkness half the year and get 24 hour ozone-hole radiation the other half.
4.You can get the death penalty for smoking dope.
5.You can go skiing in your knickers.
6.You get to hate the Swedes and beat the Brazilians in soccer.
7.You have to be a woman to get anywhere.
8.You don’t have to worry about land prices sky-rocketing. The country is fairly spacious and, for the most part, unwanted.
9.When abroad, you can impress people you meet with stories about killing polar bears and eating penguins - and they believe you.
10.You can actually get bored with blondes.


TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SCOTTISH

1.You ain’t English!
2.You ain’t English!
3.You ain’t English!
4.You ain’t English!
5.You ain’t English
6.You ain’t English!
7.You ain’t English!
8.You ain’t English!
9.You ain’t English!
10.You ain’t English!