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As I indicated earlier, I've got cat and dog material in my files till Hell won't have it. Here's a little something I dug up. Scary, eh?
Cats and Buttered Bread
GIVEN:
When a piece of buttered bread is dropped, it will invariably hit butter side down.
When a cat is dropped from a high place, it will consistently land on its feet.
QUESTION:
What will happen if you attach a buttered piece of bread to a cat’s back, butter side up, and drop it from a window?
ANSWER:
Even if you are unwilling to conduct the experiment yourself, you should be able to extrapolate the obvious result. The uncompromising Law of Butterology requires that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally stringent Law of Feline Aerodynamics demands that the cat cannot smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this scientific paradox. Therefore, it simply does not fall.
That’s correct...we have discovered the secret of anti-gravity! A buttered cat will, when released, immediately descend to an altitude at which the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter - thereby providing lift, or removing some of the cat’s limbs - resulting in descent. Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their space craft while within the gravitational fields of a planetary system. The loud humming reported by most witnesses to UFO sightings is, in reality, the purring of several hundred felines.
The one apparent danger lies with the possibility that the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs. If that were to occur, they would instantly plummet to earth. Naturally, the cats would land on their feet, but this wouldn’t likely do them much good, since right after they had accomplished their graceful touch down, several tons of red-hot star ship and pissed off aliens would crash on top of them.
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