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Gotta keep this going, so here's another.
Assorted Stuff
Romance Arithmetic
Smart man + Smart woman = Romance
Smart man + Dumb woman = Affair
Dumb man + Smart woman = Marriage
Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy
Office Arithmetic
Smart boss + Smart employee = Profit
Smart boss + Dumb employee = Production
Dumb boss + Smart employee = Promotion
Dumb boss + Dumb employee = Overtime
Shopping Arithmetic
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn’t need.
General Equations and Statistics
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Happiness
To be happy with a man, you must understand him completely and love him a lot.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her completely and not try to understand her at all.
Longevity
Single men live longer than married men because they want to.
Propensity To Change
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he won’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
Discussion Technique
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that point is merely the beginning of a new argument.
How To Stop People From Bugging You About Getting Married
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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