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The Parenting Test

How many times have you heard the comment that people have to take a test to drive a car, but anyone is allowed to be a parent, without regard to their qualifications or suitability for the undertaking? A test is needed. And not one with a bunch of Bozo questions like, “How many servings of fresh vegetables are required for a three-year-old female child living in Boise?” No, this test will ask the REAL questions. Are you ready to find out if you have the right stuff to be a parent in the new millennium? Get those No.2 pencils ready, and let’s keep our eyes on our own papers, people.

Section One - Mathematics

For each of the following problems, estimate the total number of times this phrase is used per parent per week. (2 points per question)
___ 1. I don’t care what the other kids get to do.
___ 2. ...and this time I really mean it.
___ 3. Somebody’s going to get hurt doing that.
___ 4. See, I told you somebody was going to get hurt doing that.
___ 5. Now we’re REALLY going to be late.
___ 6. One...I’m counting, Two...I’m counting...
___ 7. Because I’m the Mommy (Daddy).
___ 8. Let’s not discuss this at the dinner table.
___ 9. Why is your brother (sister) crying?
___ 10. Okay...but only five more minutes.


Section Two - Fill In The Blanks

Write the correct word in the blank. (3 points per question)
1. Tickle me __________.
2. __________ Meals.
3. The Berenstein __________.
4. Clifford, the Big ______ Dog.
5. ____________ Nuggets.
6. 101 ____________ .
7. Please won’t you be my __________?


Section Three - Matching

Match each vocabulary word with its definition. (4 points per question)
1. Amoxicillin
2. Legos
3. Pull-Ups
4. Push-Ups
5. Tubes

___ A. Small bits of plastic designed to accentuate any style of carpeting.
___ B. Either a recreational device originally designed for hamsters, but since adapted for use by children in fast-food restaurants, OR that which is placed in ears when the item in “C” fails.
___ C. A pink substance which is generally a regular part of a toddler’s diet.
___ D. A frozen food totally devoid of any nutritional value.
___ E. A disposable article of clothing which one swears will only be necessary for a few more weeks.


Section Four - Problem Solving

Briefly describe the solution for each of the following situations. (5 points per question)
1. It is 8:50 AM. School starts at 9:00 AM. Where are your car keys?
2. She says that he started it. He maintains that she started it. Who’s right?
3. You are attempting to go to the post office with two very large packages, two very small children, and no available parking spaces in the immediate area. How do you accomplish this?
4. At 7:00 PM, you must be at dance class with Debbie, Cub Scouts with Jimmy, and soccer with Barbie. Without resorting to Solomon’s manoeuver, how will this come to pass?


Section Five - Essay Question

Answer the following question, and defend your choice. (19 points)
Which of the “Big V’s” has made the most significant contribution to parenting...Velcro, Vacuum Cleaners, or the VCR?