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63 Ways To Annoy Baby Boomers

1. Ask them: “Now that you’re over thirty, what’s it like not trusting yourself?”
2. Wear A “Woodstock Folk Festival Security” t-shirt.
3. Laugh at photos of them in love beads.
4. Ask them for a job.
5. Quote Repo Man.
6. Ask them about the future of the Canada Pension Plan, or Social Security.
7. Tell them you find a lot to admire about Brian Mulrooney, or Richard Nixon.
8. Drive down their suburban streets with the rap cranked up.
9. Don’t give them the extra hot sauce they asked for.
10. Remind them of their lost youth.
11. “You were at Woodstock? So what?”
12. Ask them if “Burlington Brown” really was better than “Acapulco Gold”.
13. Go to school. Study real hard. Become a teacher. Teach their children.
14. Go see Easy Rider and laugh at inappropriate times.
15. Pretend you don’t know who Ringo Starr is.
16. Give intentionally bad service at your McJob.
17. Ask them if they really lived in a commune.
18. “All that debauchery, don’t you feel cheap?”
19. Ignore them.
20. Ask about “free love” when you arrive to pick up their daughter for a date.
21. Point out that all of the characters in The Big Chill were incredible losers. Ditto for Thirtysomething.
22. When at your deli counter job, spike their olive bread and goat cheese sandwich with acid.
23. Laugh like crazy when they tell you they paid $125 to have someone dress up like Barney and entertain their kids for an hour at a birthday party.
24. Ask them why Americans didn’t want to elect a president who didn’t serve in Vietnam, but felt it was okay to spit on the soldiers who did.
25. Offer an entree called a World Wildlife Fund burger - onion, lettuce, tomato, mayo, on toasted sourdough with “no beef”.
26. Tell them you don’t care where they were when Kennedy was shot.
27. Ask them where they were when the Challenger blew up.
28. ”I don’t see why there had to be a war in Vietnam. Why couldn’t we just let the South Americans solve their own problems?”
29. Ask them if they’ve been honing their computer skills because, you know, times are changing rapidly, and YOU GOT TO KEEP UP!!
30. “Strawberry Alarm Clock?” Isn’t that something pregnant women are always having cravings for?”
31. Remind them of Laugh In.
32. So, did you really vote for Pierre Elliot Trudeau or Richard Nixon?
33. Point out that your rent is less than their property taxes.
34. Remind them how expensive it is to get a house painted these days.
35. Dig up picture of them wearing technicolour polyester leisure suits. Distribute them freely.
36. “You know, when I started school, tuition was about $15,000, but by the time I graduated it was up to $23,000. I wonder how much it will be by the little Timmy is ready for college?”
37. Call attention to his toupee.
38. “Yeah, Neil Young’s great, but those other three guys really sucked.”
39. “The Rolling Stones? Aren’t they the band that did the really lame cover version of Devo’s Satisfaction?”
40. Ask them why Pete Townsend didn’t die before he got old.
41. Do a doughnut on their lawn in your broken-down pickup truck.
42. Point out that Generation Xers will be teaching their remaining children.
43. “Wow! Mini vans have the highest recall rate of any passenger vehicle. I wonder what’s wrong with them?”
44. 1 computer nerd + 1 computer = 3.5 middle managers.
45. Ask them about the Human Resource Optimization course they took in MBA school.
46. “What did Roy Orbison do before being discovered by The Travelling Willburys?”
47. Sing “In the year 2525, CPP/Social Security will no longer be alive”.
48. “Chappa-WHAT-ick?”
49. “What was life like before Velveeta?”
50. “CSNY? That’s the clothing store in New York, right?”
51. When they refer to Woodstock, say: “Well, I like Snoopy better. He didn’t talk with those stupid exclamation points.”
52. If you are in a very large metropolitan area, attend a concert sponsored by a radio station in a large public venue (like Central Park in New York City). Note the attendance and comment on the behaviour of the crowds. Compare it to Woodstock.
53. At social gatherings, ignore them completely and talk computers with their kids.
54. Next time they mistake you for a clerk / salesperson, direct them to an imaginary customer service department by way of a poorly-marked fire escape.
55. Alternatively, mistake them for a clerk / salesperson and ask them where the personnel department is.
56. Poke your umbrella through the spokes of their infant’s four-wheel-drive baby stroller.
57. Ask them if they have found themselves yet.
58. Ask them why they let geeks in info-mmercials rip them off by selling them overpriced CD’s of music they already have.
59. Graduate from Kent State. Join the National Guard.
60. Go to their favourite gourmet restaurant. Ask the people at the next table what you have to do to get some ketchup in a dump like this.
61. Point and laugh hysterically at people in BMW’s. “Hey, what’s it stand for? Big Money Waste?”
62. Become a whitewater rafting “adventure guide”. Smile a lot and get paid absurd amounts of money to soak Boomers literally and figuratively.
63. Simon and who?