Join Date: Jan 2010
just checking in *Angels*
AH! I posted but it went to cyber land I guess I clicked back. OPPPS!!
I just wanted to check in. I'm hanging in there been a rough last 3 weeks of Treatment but I'm hanging in there. I did lose my hair but that's OK it's only hair plus my husband thinks I'm sexy with or without hair and that's all that matters. It was hard the day we finally removed the rest (Was falling out in giant clumps) but it is what it is and it will grow back. I am slowly losing my eyebraws and eye lashes also but I will learn to use fake lashes and a make up to draw the rest on. Not the end of the world. I Can't wait though when I feel more of a woman , wife and mom again <3 Oh I've not had to shave my legs in a couple weeks so that part is good LOL!
I did finally get a wig, I let the kids and hubby pick it out for me. I don't wear it to often I think it's because I am just so tired.
I've never been one to have short hair but I do think the wig is Ok. The kids and hubby even got me to smile.
Still the worst days are Chemo days
but this shall pass! 4ish more week and if I don't have some type of remission I'll take a break and try again later. There is a chance I will get two other types of cancers but they are cureable so I'm not to worried. Well I'm worried but I am also a person of great faith so I'll continue to put my faith in my higher power <3 .
Also the kids started school this week and I want to thank you all for the prayers and to the Scott family ( and my facebook friends) They started school with the supplies they needed. I really hate that I was not able to do it without help but I'm learning a good leason sometime you have to swollow your pride. I'm blessed and I know this most of all I am blessed with good friends and family. Love you guys
Trina and Fam
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6O7ue4BYxQ4 Our family adoption
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG_H4Tk5gJs one year since adoption. My blessings.
Adoption is Love
Love is Family
Family is Forever
Last edited by angels; 08-20-2012 at 05:50 AM..
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Trina, you rock!
Would like to tell you the story of a former colleague of mine. I have been working with her for 19 years and saw her again last week. About 7 years ago she got cancer, went through chemo and was declared cancer-free a year later. We celebrated that with her. 4 years ago in the summer I thought she was on vacation until one day I overheard a phone call from someone sitting next to me and that day I learned that she was in intensive care and more dead than alive. That day she was in a coma I think. It was very bad. The cancer had returned and the doctors gave her 6 more months. Since then our company wanted to reduce the number of jobs they offered a lot of money to people who left. She took the offer... she is one of 10 persons worldwide who survived this type of cancer longer than one year. I have seen her on and off over the past 4 years and she looked amazing. You wouldn't have guessed that she is so sick. Last week unfortunately she did not look good and I hope that she will recover fast (she had pneumonia 7 weeks ago).
Continue fighting... miracles happen.
Join Date: Jan 2010
Again I am sorry in advance if I've already said some of these things. My Dr. calls it Chemo brain, I forget at times that I've already posted or said something. Whatever it is, it's very annoying!
First I want to say Thank you to everyone of you , for the prayers, the good thoughts, for putting up with me and this roller coaster , for caring, loving me ,my family and for rooting for me and remission. I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself this morning and sleeping off and on. I know shame on me! I have to stay strong physically and emotionally , not really sure what hit me but I just feel really low emotionally this morning and can't seem to stay asleep so I've had a bit of a restless morning.
My little brother, his beautiful wife and their 3 year old daughter has moved in with us. They are young parent's that are struggling and no way we was going to allow them to be homeless;. We did explain that all we can offer is a safe stable place to live, lots of love and food in their belly. They are expecting their second baby soon which was a total surprise for everyone. They was on birth control ( this I do know ) but I guess God decided it was time for their family to grow. We also made sure to speak about we expect out of each other and what we expect them to do to get on their feet.
Our 3 year old niece is sharing a room with our youngest son while he is 13 he is on a small child's level due to his handicap's and they both love sharing the room.They especially love playing with lego's together.We just have to keep reminding our niece that our son is not a baby and not her baby doll LOL!! The adults are sleeping on our big couch in the frontroom. Not sure where we will put the baby once the baby is here but, I do think I have a good idea .We do have a small room that is connected to our frontroom ( basically a big frontroom with a small space for the family computer behind the frontroom) The family computer the kids use for school has been broken for awhile so maybe we will put the baby bed there so Jelly bean ( what I'm calling the baby until we know if it's a girl or boy which we find out this Friday) anyways so Jelly bean will be near mom and dad and they can get right up when Jelly bean wakes up and needs to be feed etc. I think that will be the best idea of where to put Jelly bean.
We have helped them out before when they lived with us for almost 10 months (when our niece was a baby ) but they have fallen on harder times this past few months and needed a place to live while they save up money to get their own place again. I think they plan to stay 6 months to a year. The idea is they will find full time jobs and save enough money to pay 3 or 4 months rent at once when they move out and, hopefully get the furniture etc they need. Right now my little brother is trying to find a full time job, he does have a part time job but finding a full time job is proving to be a struggle. He is smart and a good young man so my husband will do all he can to help him find a full time job. Even if it's minimum wage that's better then nothing.
They will be helping take care of me on treatment day so my husband will only have to take me to my two Dr. appointment's on Chemo day and then drop me off at home and he can go back to work only missing the morning. My other Dr appointments are on Monday's which is one of his regular day's off. He gets paid salary so while his check will be the same ,it will help we hope stop his one boss from giving him such a hard time and hopefully stop him from yelling all the time and being rude to my husband. Also my sister in law can take me to the Hospital or Dr's if a emergency comes up while my husband is at work. She's was the one that took me when I got really sick with the infection I have now, My husband was able to stay at work and she took me.
I make a menu everyday that stay's on the fridge and the adult's will take turns cooking so that will help as well. They are really good kids ( I call them kids lol but they are 23 and 24) so hopefullly this will help them get on their feet. It was a shock when they asked to move in but It has been nice having someone to talk to while the kids are at school. I get along with my sister in law she is more like a little sister to me then a sister in law. which means we can butt heads at times but really do get a long pretty good most the time. I will admit I am was a bit scared when thinking about having 10 people ( 11 once baby get's here) living here but maybe this is what God has in plan for us right now.
Like I've always said family is extremely important to me and it's not my little brother's fault his parents ( my bio mom and his dad my step dad) did not prepare him for the real world or even allow him to be prepared for the real world. They never did offer them help when they had their first baby matter of fact my little brother was 18 when his ( our) mom and his dad packed up and moved out of state leaving him behind to basically fend for themselves.They lived out so far in the Country that having a job was almost impossiable, he would of had to walk 11 miles to get to the nearest stores etc. So we will just try to continue to help and teach and show him things his parents didn't teach him.
You know it's kind of funny how things work out I did not see my little brother much until I got married since my biological mom gave me up for adoption and I stayed in foster homes. We was talking once and he told me he did not even know who I was when I would stop by to see him and my other younger brother ( my little brother that lives with me is the youngest of us siblings with my other brother being a couple years older then him and me being the middle child). He just knew I was some how his sister but had no idea and was always confused why I did not live with them, was not always there for Holiday's , birthday's etc and not really spoken about until I started coming around to see them. I am almost 11 years older then him and entered foster care system when he was just a toddler and I was a young tween *I was just becoming a teen*, So while I'd stop by when I was able we got to know each other more once I got married and was a adult. I used to have a lot of feelings of guilt because I could not save him from what might of been going on in his home but now as a adult I understand I was only a kid myself and there was nothing I could of done.
What I can do now is show him how much he is loved, I hurt for him though as I can tell he he gets frustrated and sad. I just wish his parents could of raised him better and gave him a better chance at life and I wish they would of been honest with him so he would not of thought I abandoned him and our other brother.I'm not sure if he feels that way but I do know it was not always easy for him and I do know it caused a lot of confusion with me stopping in once in awhile to see him and our brother when there was so many years he didn't see me. For me though it was not always easy for me to face my abusers so I'd stop in when I felt strong enough to see my brothers.
One of my favorite memories was when my husband would take me to see them and my little brother and husband would go to the back yard and throw the football. My little brother would get so so excited to see us and would grab the football and beg my husband to throw the ball with him. My little brother was around 7 years old when he first remember's seeing me , I still remember it, it was Easter day and we taught him to ride his bike. I can't even start to understand how confusing it must of been for him to be so small and all of a sudden find out you have two other sister's and wonder why they was around much until then and then only see them a couple times a year after.Then there was years between that time where we did not see him much at all. So I feel so blessed to have him , his wife and niece in our lives. I can't change the past or what happened to me , my biological sister, my two little brothers but I can and will love them with as much love as can flow out of my heart and that's a lot of love .I wish I seen my other brother more but I don't see him but maybe once a year sometimes not that often. As you know I don't have much family but I sure do charish the family I do have and I sure charish my family of choice as well , that includes ALL of you. What a lucky blessed person I am.Every morning my niece Ciera gives me a big hug and grab's my face and tell me I love you Auntie nina ( it's hard for her to say Auntie Trina* your so preddy *how she say's pretty* .Having her , my sister Tori and brother Dustin, my husband and my children in my life makes me feel like the most rich person in the world. I hope they all know how much I charish them and love them.
I did manage to do the laundry almost everyday this week and cook once GO ME! I washed and dried them and left them for the kids to fold and put up as they are old enough to put their own clothing up. Wore me out but made me feel like a mom and wife. Hubby was a bit upset with me but I just needed to DO something and just feel like such a tool doing nothing. I might of over did it as I started to have really bad back pain after so I'll slow down and try to remember to rest rest rest.I also found myself being more tired and wore down and in more pain. So I did start using the pain patch again since my Dr's was mad I had stopped taking them. I find myself trying to do things so my sister in law does not have to since she is expecting and has a 3 year old. Ive been trying to help out with my niece and do laundry etc so sis don't have to and can rest while she can.
I have been trying to walk atleast down the street once a night also with husband and sister in law but need to remember to not push myself to much. I guess I'm not very good at letting others do for me. It's my job as a mom to take care of my home ,husband and kids.
I did tell one of my Dr's what I've been trying to do and she said " your going to drive me crazy!" What part of " rest and only rest do you not understand?! I want you to have home health and instead your up over doing it" Maybe she's right but I can't stand doing nothing while my sister and niece are here. I just can't.It makes me feel lazy.
I do feel like the infection's I have in my mouth, throat and chest are getting a little better so I think the antibiotics are working.
I am though having problems with my blood sugar while taking one of the steroids they have me on , we have been struggling to keep my levels below 500, my highest the day before last was 530 ouch! So my internal health Dr has upped my short and long lasting insulin and we was able to get it down to 250 at one point yesterday and today is in the high 300's low 400's. I did just take another shot so hopefully it will come down. We are keeping a close eye on it especially since we have noticed my toes and feet going numb.That could be because of the Chemo or my blood sugar , most likely it is a bit of both but forsure the steroids are not helping. They have me on a special steroid and it is a high dose without it the Chemo may not work. I am also still having problems hearing expecially my one ear that I lost the most hearing out of thanks to the LCH .
I have gained some weight while on the steroids and I've noticed I am able to eat more, I'm able to keep down at least one meal a day which is fantastic! The eatting part not the weight gain although my Dr's are happy about it HA HA!
Sorry this is so long I do feel better now that I've wrote some. I guess I just needed to chat.
Last edited by angels; 08-23-2012 at 10:40 AM..
Join Date: Oct 2007