[Bumper]

Okay, Crit...I'll see your bad jokes, and raise you the following groaners...


To begin this story, we must imagine an English castle under siege by a large part of the French army. Not only was the castle under siege, but huge scaling ladders were being built in full sight of the defenders. It looked bleak indeed for the English.

In the nick of time, one of the defenders, Sir Belvedere, offered to bring in a large family of jokesters he knew. The intent was to get the Frenchmen laughing so hard that they’d loose their grip and fall off the ladders as they attempted to swarm the castle.

“I don’t understand. How in the world can you do that?” asked the king.

“I have a punning clan, milord...”

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Mother Lion and Father Lion had gone off hunting, and had instructed their two cubs not to wander away. However, a couple of small wildebeests happened by, and the youthful lions could not resist the temptation to try out their recently acquired hunting skills. They ran after the animals, were successful in bringing them down, and began eating their prey.

Just as the juvenile lions were reaching the end of their meal, their parents appeared in the distance. One of the young lions turned to the other and said, “That’s the end of the gnus. Here again are the head lions.”

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NASA has announced there are new plans in the works to build a self-sustaining space colony. At first, only people would be sent to the station, followed by a selection of vegetation, then a variety of domesticated animals. The first animals to be sent up would be cows, who could provide not only milk for any babies born in the colony, but meat as well. Preliminary plans are to have an entire shipment made up solely of cattle. It will be the herd shot around the world.

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A panda walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the meal, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!”

The panda yells back at the bartender, “Hey, man, I’M A PANDA! Look it up!” The bartender opened up his dictionary and found the following definition for panda.

“A tree-dwelling animal of Asian origin, characterized by distinctive
black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves,”