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Never having been pregnant, or having had to live with someone who was, I'm talking this information on faith. Perhaps some of you who have undergone the experience (like a certain Forum Administrator of our acquaintance) might care to comment?

Pregnancy Questions and Answers


Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A: Yes, but you’ll have an even better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.

Q: What is the easiest way to determine exactly when I got pregnant?
A: Have sex once a year.

Q: What is the most common craving during pregnancy?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q: My blood type is O-positive and my husband’s is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
A: The jig is up.

Q: My husband and I are very attractive. I’m sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A: Your therapist.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q: My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for enlarged noses are dominant, my baby will almost certainly have a big nose as well. Is this true?
A: The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.

Q: Since I’ve become pregnant, my breasts, my rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A: Yes, your bladder.

Q: Ever since I’ve been pregnant, I haven’t been able to go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
A: Depends on what you’re doing with them.

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often I notice strangers smiling at me. Why?
A: Because you’re fatter than they are.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant, and has become so moody that’s she’s frequently irrational.
A: So, what’s your question, idiot?

Q: Is it likely I’ll love my dog less when the baby is born?
A: No, but you may find your husband significantly more annoying.


Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be described as a brisk breeze.

Q: Is there any reason that I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q: I’m extremely modest. Once I’m in the delivery room, who all will be able to see me in such a delicate position?
A: Authorized personnel only - doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, housekeeping staff, journalists, pizza delivery drivers, etc.

Q: Does pregnancy cause haemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you choose to blame it for.

Q: Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A: In your breasts.

Q: Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A: Yes, baby lips.

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means a new mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.

Q: How does one sterilize nipples?
A: Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a saucepan.

Q: What are the “terrible twos”?
A: Your breasts, when your baby stops nursing.

Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.

Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it’s much more convenient if she removes the baby from her breast and puts it to sleep first.

Q: What happens to disposable diapers after they’re thrown away?
A: They’re stored in a huge silo in Nebraska, in the event of global chemical warfare.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: What are night terrors?
A: Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she’s pregnant again.

Q: Our new baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kid is in college.