FORUM FUN FEATURE!!! Canadian Hockey Terminology

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Based on the frequent references to the NHL playoffs I've seen in various threads, I thought you might enjoy the following entry. I suspect it might prove useful to many novice hockey watchers.

Canadian Hockey Terminology


Wraparound - Type of hockey helmet visor, worn primarily by European players, and invented specifically to piss off Don Cherry.

Blueline - Mark on rib cage from leaning over bar, replaying game.

Redline - Mark on new sweater from leaning over Wet Paint sign on penalty box.

Net - The 25% which goes to the winner of 50-50 draw.

Zamboni - Machine used to fill arenas with noxious, poisonous fumes.

Deke - “The Enforcer” - leads league in PM’s

PM’s - Rating system for unskilled players.

Offside - Hitting on the team owner’s daughter.

Pass - See “Offside”.

Score - See “Offside” (Also see “Traded”)

Jock - Scot who enjoys a wee dram before, during and after the game.

Boarding - What a new player to town does until after having his first team party.

Rink - Weekend hangout for parents.

Bodycheck - Testing of rink boards and glass for durability.

Slapshot - Movie poking fun at Canada’s national pass time.

Hooking - What the gal in the thigh-high boots in Section 14 does for a living.

Shoot - What religious kids say after missing a wide open net.

#@$%&#* - What religious kids say after missing a wide open net during playoffs.

Scoreboard - Place for displaying annoying company signs and logos.

Overtime - Bar where players drink for free, after closing time, so owner can feel important.

Stanley Cup - Trophy awarded to league championship team immediately prior to opening of training camp.

Europeans - Skilled players who refuse to watch Coach’s Corner.

Gross Misconduct - The sometimes carryings on of disgustingly rich role models.

Play-by-Play - Break between TV commercials.

Instant Replay - Electronic means to demonstrate on-ice officials’ incompetence.

Predators (1) - ANOTHER damned Yankee team...from Peoria, or Portland, or...

Predators (2) - Player’s agents.

Original Six - Pre-inflation case of Molson Canadian; now called a Two-Four.

Puck - Nickname for millionaire who sold Gretsky to another millionaire, now in jail.

Penalty Box - Good place for TV closeups of players mouthing the “F” word at each other.

[Jesus]

> (Also see “Traded”)

This one is missing.