FORUM FUN FEATURE!!! Five Stages Of Tequila

**Bumper** · 05-06-2004

The Five Stages of An Evening of Tequila in Playa

Stage 1 - SMART

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything, and generously want to share this limitless knowledge with anyone who will listen. At this stage, you are always right, and the person you are talking to is always wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties have attained the SMART stage of intoxication.

Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING

This is when you realize you are the undisputed BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar, if not the whole world, and everybody wants you. You can approach a total stranger, knowing that they want you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can easily engage this person in scintillating conversation on any subject under the sun.

Stage 3 - RICH

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for everybody in the entire bar, because you apparently have an armoured truck full of money in the parking lot. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your wagers. It doesn’t matter how much you risk, because you are RICH.

Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF

You are now ready to pick fights with anyone, and everyone, especially those with whom you have been arguing or betting. This is because nothing can harm you. At this point, you can also confront the partners of those members of the opposite sex who you’ve taken a fancy to. You can challenge them to a battle of wits, or offer to compare bank balances. You have no fear of losing these contests, because you are SMART, you are RICH, and what the Hell...you’re BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway.

Stage 5 - INVISIBLE

This is the final stage of your tequila experience. If you have made it to this point, you can do anything you please, because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance, buck-naked, on a table to impress the object of your affection, but nobody else in the room can see you. You’re also invisible to the person who would like to take a round out of you. You can walk through the streets, singing at the top of your lungs, because no one can see or hear you, and because you’re still SMART, you know all the words.

cuffedlinks · 05-06-2004

As always....good stuff Bumper!

I'll need to print out all your posts of wisdom and place them in a 3 ring binder for posterity...

...or something like that...

Great job!!

squish · 05-07-2004

Isn't there a Stage Six: UGLY???

You know... when one eye is lookin' the other way, the chin has a glossy stickyness to it from run off, and your forhead is bleeding from a mysterious straw puncture?

I'm JUST wondering

**Bumper** · 05-07-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by squish

Isn't there a Stage Six: UGLY???

You know... when one eye is lookin' the other way, the chin has a glossy stickyness to it from run off, and your forhead is bleeding from a mysterious straw puncture?

I'm JUST wondering

By that stage of the evening...who's got more than one eye? I beat the sticky chin problem by cultivating the beard I currently sport. It's an effective accumulator. In the morning, you just have to break off the larger chunks, and stand under the shower for a while to dislodge the Klingons. As for the threats to the forehead & eyes, I deal with those potential issues by wearing safety glasses to protect myself from potential swizzle stick and umbrella injuries. Regarding the "Ugly" question, we're all 10's at closing time.

**Shammy** · 05-08-2004

Luckily, I seem to always skip stage 4. Probably because I'm too busy with stage 5 to pick a fight.

Well....then again...there was that time on NY Eve........ :o

Cindyrella · 05-09-2004

How about the "Best Friend" stage?
In my case, that's where everyone in the room is my best friend, the sister I never had (surprise to her), the brother I wish I didn't have, the one true friend, the love on my life (surprise to husband), my soulmate, etc, etc. I love everyone and am so happy to be spending time with all of you wonderful people--this is usually when someone says "get her off of me" or "who is this lunatic anyway?" or "watch out she's coming, she's going to hug". And then the tears start... final stage...asleep on the table. And this is why I don't drink tequila anymore, well that and the puking.

Nerak936 · 05-09-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cindyrella

How about the "Best Friend" stage?
In my case, that's where everyone in the room is my best friend, the sister I never had (surprise to her), the brother I wish I didn't have, the one true friend, the love on my life (surprise to husband), my soulmate, etc, etc. I love everyone and am so happy to be spending time with all of you wonderful people--this is usually when someone says "get her off of me" or "who is this lunatic anyway?" or "watch out she's coming, she's going to hug". And then the tears start... final stage...asleep on the table. And this is why I don't drink tequila anymore, well that and the puking.

I hear ya!!!

I also tend to get like that too, Cindyrella. Everyone is sooooo nice

and I'm just sooooooo happy to be alive

and isn't this all just sooooooo wonderful

????? :p :p :p

It's all great until you have an early wake-up the next morning

to go snorkeling or, even better, ride on a bus for 16,034 hours to Chichen Itza and walk around for 3 hours in the hottest heat you've ever felt in your entire life?!!!

Did that last year. It was painful!!! But also worth it to see C/Itza......

mckinzie · 05-09-2004

Good smooth tequila cures all that.

Nerak936 · 05-10-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by mckinzie

Good smooth tequila cures all that.

Kinz:

Do I take it in my coffee, my OJ, or pour it on the table and then soak it up with my bagel???

**sctx** · 05-10-2004

Damn Bump, I see you are trying to push your knowledge of Tequila to the Doctorate level !!!

#4 brings back some great college memories... I sobered up before going to college so I was always the deignated driver/bodyguard for our group... i remember at least 5 "altercations" at the infamous "Skippy's Mistake" where I won the "fight" and never even touched the drunk !!!
A valuable life lesson learned early on... when drunk, don't piss off the sober guy !!!

in regards to #5... if we are ever studying Tequila at the same bar, Pleeeeeeeze give me some advance warning before proceeding to this level!!!

mckinzie · 05-10-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nerak936

Kinz:

Do I take it in my coffee, my OJ, or pour it on the table and then soak it up with my bagel???

A biscuit will do just fine.

Nerak936 · 05-10-2004

Biscuit??? A BISCUIT???? What are you? A Brit??? Who the heck eats biscuits in the morning???

Ooops...... maybe it's a Texas thaaaang...................

mckinzie · 05-10-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nerak936

Biscuit??? A BISCUIT???? What are you? A Brit??? Who the heck eats biscuits in the morning???

Ooops...... maybe it's a Texas thaaaang...................

There not your normal biscuits down here.

THERE TEXAS RANGERS BISCUITS

jcd · 05-10-2004

Not just Texas. but the whole south. got any grits?

jcd · 05-10-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cindyrella

this is usually when someone says "get her off of me" or "who is this lunatic anyway?" or "watch out she's coming, she's going to hug". And then the tears start... final stage...asleep on the table. And this is why I don't drink tequila anymore, well that and the puking.

This is great, you people crack me up

05-06-2004	#1 (permalink)
Bumper Class Clown Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Winnipeg, Canada Posts: 9,113	FORUM FUN FEATURE!!! Five Stages Of Tequila The Five Stages of An Evening of Tequila in Playa Stage 1 - SMART This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything, and generously want to share this limitless knowledge with anyone who will listen. At this stage, you are always right, and the person you are talking to is always wrong. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties have attained the SMART stage of intoxication. Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING This is when you realize you are the undisputed BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar, if not the whole world, and everybody wants you. You can approach a total stranger, knowing that they want you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can easily engage this person in scintillating conversation on any subject under the sun. Stage 3 - RICH This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for everybody in the entire bar, because you apparently have an armoured truck full of money in the parking lot. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your wagers. It doesn’t matter how much you risk, because you are RICH. Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF You are now ready to pick fights with anyone, and everyone, especially those with whom you have been arguing or betting. This is because nothing can harm you. At this point, you can also confront the partners of those members of the opposite sex who you’ve taken a fancy to. You can challenge them to a battle of wits, or offer to compare bank balances. You have no fear of losing these contests, because you are SMART, you are RICH, and what the Hell...you’re BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway. Stage 5 - INVISIBLE This is the final stage of your tequila experience. If you have made it to this point, you can do anything you please, because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance, buck-naked, on a table to impress the object of your affection, but nobody else in the room can see you. You’re also invisible to the person who would like to take a round out of you. You can walk through the streets, singing at the top of your lungs, because no one can see or hear you, and because you’re still SMART, you know all the words. __________________ Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a pristine, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!"

05-10-2004	#14 (permalink)
jcd sandflea Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: NC Posts: 9	biscuits Not just Texas. but the whole south. got any grits?

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05-06-2004	#2 (permalink)
cuffedlinks añejo Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The City of Presidents Posts: 16,003	As always....good stuff Bumper! I'll need to print out all your posts of wisdom and place them in a 3 ring binder for posterity... ...or something like that... Great job!!

05-07-2004	#3 (permalink)
squish life=playa Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: O Canada - glorious and free! Posts: 647	Isn't there a Stage Six: UGLY??? You know... when one eye is lookin' the other way, the chin has a glossy stickyness to it from run off, and your forhead is bleeding from a mysterious straw puncture? I'm JUST wondering

05-08-2004	#5 (permalink)
Shammy Moderator Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: The Joisey Shore Posts: 9,837	Luckily, I seem to always skip stage 4. Probably because I'm too busy with stage 5 to pick a fight. Well....then again...there was that time on NY Eve........ :o

05-09-2004	#6 (permalink)
Cindyrella toe in water Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: North Idaho Posts: 47	How about the "Best Friend" stage? In my case, that's where everyone in the room is my best friend, the sister I never had (surprise to her), the brother I wish I didn't have, the one true friend, the love on my life (surprise to husband), my soulmate, etc, etc. I love everyone and am so happy to be spending time with all of you wonderful people--this is usually when someone says "get her off of me" or "who is this lunatic anyway?" or "watch out she's coming, she's going to hug". And then the tears start... final stage...asleep on the table. And this is why I don't drink tequila anymore, well that and the puking.

05-09-2004	#8 (permalink)
mckinzie lightweight Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Highland Village,Tx (Kinz Standard Time) Posts: 13,551	Good smooth tequila cures all that.

05-10-2004	#10 (permalink)
sctx Fan of confusion Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Body in San Marcos Tx....Tankah in my mind Posts: 26,048	Damn Bump, I see you are trying to push your knowledge of Tequila to the Doctorate level !!! #4 brings back some great college memories... I sobered up before going to college so I was always the deignated driver/bodyguard for our group... i remember at least 5 "altercations" at the infamous "Skippy's Mistake" where I won the "fight" and never even touched the drunk !!! A valuable life lesson learned early on... when drunk, don't piss off the sober guy !!! in regards to #5... if we are ever studying Tequila at the same bar, Pleeeeeeeze give me some advance warning before proceeding to this level!!!

05-10-2004	#12 (permalink)
Nerak936 Crazy Cat Lady =^.''.^= Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Southeastern Massachusetts Posts: 18,302	Biscuit??? A BISCUIT???? What are you? A Brit??? Who the heck eats biscuits in the morning??? Ooops...... maybe it's a Texas thaaaang...................

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