FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Early Retirement

[Bumper]

I came across this memo from my former employer as I was cleaning up some old files the other day. As many of you are likely aware, I retired about a year ago, so may speak with a degree of insight into programs such as this.

GENERAL NOTICE

Early Retirement Program

As a result of automation, as well as a declining workload, management must, of necessity, take steps to reduce our workforce A staff reduction plan has been developed which appears to be the most equitable, given the circumstances.

Under the plan, older employees will be placed on early retirement, thus permitting the retention of the younger employees who represent the future of the organization.

Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, by way of early retirement, will go into effect immediately. This program will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged Personnel Early).

Employees who are RAPED will be given an opportunity to seek other positions within the company, provided that while they are being RAPED, they request a reassessment of their employment status before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the procedure will be called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may also apply for a final review. This process will be called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

Program policy dictates that employees may be RAPED once, and SCREWED twice, but may get the SHAFT as many times as the company deems appropriate.

[TAPPY]

Bumper..........I am an HR manager of a large Bank...I think I can actually USE this one - Thanks !!!!!


Tappy aka evil catbert