I'm of a mind for a light-hearted turn. Here's one from Tenaya Darlington's very funny collection "Madame Deluxe."
MADAME DELUXE'S INSTRUCTIONAL MANUAL
AND MARRIAGE GUIDE
for the Year 2000
Q. Why does my husband overheat?
A. When your husband is plugged into a wall outlet for his first
time or when you resume power after a power interruption,
his head may become temporarily scrambled and fail to
function as programmed. Unplug him from the wall socket
and then plug him back in. He will be resexed for functioning.
Q. Why do I see a reflection around my wife's outer case?
A. The light is from a bulb located inside her birth cavity.
Do not use this cavity for storage purposes. Do not store
combustible items such as bread, cookies, or paper products
inside her. If lightning strikes the power line, she may turn
on by herself.
Q. Why does my husband burst?
A. Your husband may be slightly heavier than others, or he
may burst due to steam buildup inside his adam's apple,
causing his head to swell and expand during the thought
process. Steam is naturally produced during talking. If
you're concerned, simply pierce his tongue with a
toothpick while he is sleeping.
Q. Why does my wife pop?
A. This is caused by her temper. As she becomes angry, she
conducts heat and her insides continue cooking during
standing time. Use a larger utensil than usual and wear
oven mitts to remove her.
Q. How do I know if I'm using my husband properly?
A. This type of husband is specifically designed to heat, cook,
and collect food. He is not designed for industrial purposes
or laboratory use.
Q. How do I know if I am using my wife correctly?
A. As with most appliances, close supervision is necessary
to reduce the risk of a fire in her internal cavity. Do not
store her outdoors. Do not use your wife near water, near
a kitchen sink, in a wet basement, and the like. Do not
let her cord hang over the edge of the table.
Q. What is wrong when our marriage has no spark?
A. There may be several reasons why your marriage
has lost its glow:
1. The light bulb has burned out.
2. START has not been touched.