Some things NOT to say to the police...

RAM · 06-07-2004

I don't think Bumper should have all the fun postings. I, therefore, offer the following for your viewing edification:
WHO SAYS THAT COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR?

"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out
after you wear them awhile."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." :ponder:

"You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."

**Bumper** · 06-07-2004

In response, I offer this list of things you would likely be better off not saying to a cop, whether he has a sense of humour or not.

Things You Never Say To A Cop

I can’t reach my licence unless you hold my beer.

Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

Aren’t you the guy from the Village People?

Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up to me, good job!

I thought you had to be in reasonably good shape to be a police officer.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish junior high school instead.

You’re not going to check the trunk, are you?

Gee, that beer gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence.

Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend’s night stand.

Is it true people become cops because they’re too dumb to work at McDonalds?

I pay your salary.

So...eh...you on the take, or what?

Gee officer, that’s terrific. The last few guys only gave me warnings.

Do I know why you pulled me over? Do you? Okay, just as long as one of us does.

I was trying to keep up with the other traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars anywhere in sight. That’s how far ahead of me they all are.

What do you mean have I been drinking? You’re supposed to be the trained observer.

Hey, is that a 9mm? It’s a popgun, compared to this 44 magnum.

Hey, can you give me another of those full-body-cavity searches?

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got wedged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

Beachwolverine · 06-08-2004

I always liked -

"O.K. just how many donuts will it take to make this go away?"

**sctx** · 06-08-2004

If you really want to go to jail, try this short, simple sure fire method:

Just utter the words "I have rights" and off you go !!!

RAM · 06-08-2004

The day I received my license my Dad gave me a profound bit of advice, "It is nver a good idea to argue with someone who has the ability to put you in jail right now or let you go." Fortunately a great number of my clients never had the benefit of my father's wisdom.

Several years ago a retired homicide detective turned PI and I were returning from interviewing several inmates in one of Oklahoma's finer prisons--Granite, Oklahoma where the only thing that stops the wind are the prison walls. He turned to me and said, "You know what we didn't see there? There weren't any deaf mutes.

Know something else, when I was a cop one helluva a lot of people managed to talk themselves into prison!"

**Bumper** · 06-08-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by RAM

The day I received my license my Dad gave me a profound bit of advice, "It is nver a good idea to argue with someone who has the ability to put you in jail right now or let you go." Fortunately a great number of my clients never had the benefit of my father's wisdom.

Several years ago a retired homicide detective turned PI and I were returning from interviewing several inmates in one of Oklahoma's finer prisons--Granite, Oklahoma where the only thing that stops the wind are the prison walls. He turned to me and said, "You know what we didn't see there? There weren't any deaf mutes.

Know something else, when I was a cop one helluva a lot of people managed to talk themselves into prison!"

"A closed mouth gathers no feet."

06-07-2004	#1 (permalink)
RAM way into it Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Posts: 181	Some things NOT to say to the police... I don't think Bumper should have all the fun postings. I, therefore, offer the following for your viewing edification: WHO SAYS THAT COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR? "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." "Just how big were those two beers?" "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." :ponder: "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

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06-07-2004	#2 (permalink)
Bumper Class Clown Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Winnipeg, Canada Posts: 11,409	In response, I offer this list of things you would likely be better off not saying to a cop, whether he has a sense of humour or not. Things You Never Say To A Cop I can’t reach my licence unless you hold my beer. Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. Aren’t you the guy from the Village People? Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up to me, good job! I thought you had to be in reasonably good shape to be a police officer. I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish junior high school instead. You’re not going to check the trunk, are you? Gee, that beer gut sure doesn’t inspire confidence. Didn’t I see you get your butt kicked on COPS? Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend’s night stand. Is it true people become cops because they’re too dumb to work at McDonalds? I pay your salary. So...eh...you on the take, or what? Gee officer, that’s terrific. The last few guys only gave me warnings. Do I know why you pulled me over? Do you? Okay, just as long as one of us does. I was trying to keep up with the other traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars anywhere in sight. That’s how far ahead of me they all are. What do you mean have I been drinking? You’re supposed to be the trained observer. Hey, is that a 9mm? It’s a popgun, compared to this 44 magnum. Hey, can you give me another of those full-body-cavity searches? Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got wedged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

06-08-2004	#3 (permalink)
Beachwolverine life=playa Join Date: Sep 2003 Posts: 618	I always liked - "O.K. just how many donuts will it take to make this go away?"

06-08-2004	#4 (permalink)
sctx HMWHTC President Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Body in San Marcos Tx....Tankah in my mind Posts: 31,121	If you really want to go to jail, try this short, simple sure fire method: Just utter the words "I have rights" and off you go !!!

06-08-2004	#5 (permalink)
RAM way into it Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Posts: 181	The day I received my license my Dad gave me a profound bit of advice, "It is nver a good idea to argue with someone who has the ability to put you in jail right now or let you go." Fortunately a great number of my clients never had the benefit of my father's wisdom. Several years ago a retired homicide detective turned PI and I were returning from interviewing several inmates in one of Oklahoma's finer prisons--Granite, Oklahoma where the only thing that stops the wind are the prison walls. He turned to me and said, "You know what we didn't see there? There weren't any deaf mutes. Know something else, when I was a cop one helluva a lot of people managed to talk themselves into prison!"