06-11-2004
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#62 (permalink) | |
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my own peon
  Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Body in San Marcos Tx....Tankah in my mind
Posts: 37,180
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"Thrilla in the Villa" Now we have to wait till Squish formally accepts the challenge before ticket sales can commence, but don't worry, she's not the kinda chicky to back down from a cat fight. Betting will start with the odds on fav Lil G @ "2 to 1" and after the lackluster Dallas performance, Squish is the underdog @ "5 to 1" Cuffed, you better shave them legs..... and get some sun on em too, don't want to blind the spectators |
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06-11-2004
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#64 (permalink) | |
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añejo
 Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore of Baahhstun, Massachusetts
Posts: 23,228
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06-13-2004
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#65 (permalink) | |
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my own peon
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Body in San Marcos Tx....Tankah in my mind
Posts: 37,180
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Quote:
 !!! There was an abduction... but until now, I've been prevented from talking about any of the events by the Patriot Act....it was quite horrifying actually....Hearing a break in the torrential rain that pounded our area for days, I decided to take a break from the computer and venture out in the front yard for a  . I lit up , took a look around and exclaimed  “what the hell”… there are three pale, malnourished, scraggly guys wearing hemp shorts and peacenick tye-dye T-shirts in my yard and they have chained themselves to my almost harvestable Blue Agave plant. All three are holding “Save the Agave” signs and chanting “Murderer, murderer, murderer”“Oh F…  , Agave Huggers !!!” These are the worst kind of ultra-left wing eco freak terrorists that you’ll ever run across… they are responsible for breaking thousands of bottles of premium Tequila every year in their idiotic crusade to save the coveted Agave weberii !!! Well, I’m thinkin’ that these freaks are so malnourished, they can’t weigh more than 120 pounds collectively so I figure I’ll just snatch ‘em all by the scruff of the neck and toss them over the fence so my Akitas will have something live to chase around the yard. I approach them slowly, cause you never know when one of these eco terrorists will pull a Swiss army knife on you… hadn’t taken ten steps when all of a sudden, I’m snared by the neck and arms by multiple hemp lassos. I look up just in time to see 12 more scrawny eco freaks dropping on me from the Oak trees above. I made a valiant attempt to drag these degenerates to the back yard gate… if I can just get the gate open, my 130 pound boy Kendo will even up the odds and my girl Kiko will chase down any of these wussies that try to run…. But with the lassos around my neck cutting of the airflow , I cannot overcome the 15 to 1 odds.  The assailants wrestled me to the ground and tied my wrists with jute cord, and then, as they were trying to cover my head with an all natural bulap Ruta Maya coffe bag, I notice they all have “A.L.F. ” tattooed on their foreheads. “Oh Crap”…. It’s the Agave Liberation Front, the worst of the worst when it comes to the Agave hugging factions…. I’ve run in to these sickos before… years ago, the A.L.F. hijacked a truckload of Chinaco anejo heading to Texas and they threatened to pour it all in the Rio Grande unless the world agreed to stop consuming Tequila…  HEARTLESS BASTARDS !!! I was immediately given orders by the President (Governor of Texas that is) to search out these fiends in Northern Mexico and secure the shipment from harm ….  Oh wait, that’s a whole nother story altogether and the ending may actually incriminate me  … so anyway, I had dealings with these A.L.F. freaks in the past and it wasn’t pretty.Just before the Ruta Maya bag slips over my eyes, I see 4 white Geo Prisms pull into the driveway… looks like we’re goin’ for a ride !!! I’m crammed into the back seat in one of the Geos and we speed away. Now I’m pissed, we could have fit everyone into one SUV... but nooooo, we gotta take 4 little cars instead because SUV's are baaaddd !!! “What the f… do you agave huggin, malnourished, pencil neck freaks think your doin, stop this f… car and let me out !!!”A shrill, shaky voice answers from the front seat “Mr Scittix (sctx), you are now a hostage of the Agave Liberation Front. You have been targeted because your consumption of fine Tequilas is causing a rapid depletion of the endangered Agave weberii population and your past actions have resulted in the imprisonment of three of our charter members in connection with the disappearance of a Chinaco anejo shipment.” Oh sh.. ...Great, they steal a load of Chinaco, I steal it from them, they go to jail, and I have a party  …. No biggie, get over it… life goes on !Shrill Boy then adds “You are number 3 on A.L.F.’s most wanted list, this is a great day for the A.L.F.” “Ok, Shrill Boy, who’s #1 and # 2 on your list ???” “ # 2 is the wretched Jose Cuervo and # 1 is the dreaded Don Julio” “ So, I guess # 4 would be Sammy Hagar” “No, # 4 is a dude named Bumper” “Bumper ??? he’s a freakin’ Canadian, he only drinks single malt Scotch… dumbass… everyone knows Scotch isn’t made from Agave, it’s made from Scotch plants”“Weeeeellll, I guess your right…. I guess that does make Sammy Hagar # 4 now… but we’re gonna keep our eyes on this Bumper dude !!! ” The Geo screeched to a halt and in the background I make out the sound of a small airplane engine. Three or four geeks drag me outta the car with the lassos and lead me towards the sound of the plane… I’m glad they let me keep my clothes on or I would think I was headin to Abu Grhaib :o !!! I can hear more ultra-leftist liberals chattering in the background so I nix the idea of an attempted break for freedom at this point and allow myself to be thrown onto the floor of the plane. The engines rev up and then we’re airborne…  I don’t know where we’re headin’ but I do know the damn Ruta Maya bag on my head is startin to itch real bad !!!“Hey Shrill Boy, how bout takin’ this bag of my head, I have severe allergic reactions when exposed to wet burlap…. I could die ya know !!!” “ Are you serious, you’re allergic to burlap??? ”“yehxxxchh ….aaaaccchhh….aaarrrgggghhhh… I can’t…. breee…….ttthhhh !!!” It wasn’t even 1.4 seconds later and Shrill Boy had that bag off my head …. What a sucker !!! As my eyes adjusted to the light, I realized I was staring at 4 Gollum lookin’ maniacs, each brandishing the eco terrorists favorite weapon… a three inch Swiss Army knife !!! I could also deduce we were heading Southwest…. Hmm, Big Bend maybe??? Tapatio Springs for some golf ??? Sea World in San Antonio ??? … nope, there’s only one place it could be…  we’re headin’ to Jalisco !!! It’s at times like this that I really appreciate the 18 years of Marine Recon “home school” weapons/defense/survival training I received when I was a kid. I knew I needed to somehow gain a psychological advantage over my captors and then when the time is right and the odds are favorable, I can create a distraction and make my move….quick, calculated and merciless, just like Denise slapping a new poster upside the head with a “go here” link !!! As the plane flew on, I started drifting off into a nap when it hit me….  I can use the eco freaks hypocritical nature against them …. Yeah, that’s it, that’s my psy-op egde !!!Cool… now I can take that nap ! |
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06-13-2004
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#66 (permalink) |
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Class Clown
 Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Posts: 14,212
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W-A-A-A-A-A-I-I-I-I-T-T, just a damned minute now!!!
This still isn't Scott, is it?!?!?! This is really a lunatic fringe Tom Clancy pretender, isn't it?!?!?! And that shadowy dude peeking out from behind that agave plant is Harrison Ford, isn't it?!?!?! Scott is still being held in some fiendish lobe laundry being force fed 2%, partly-skimmed, high-calcium, vitamin-enriched dairy products and bombarded with demonic "Got Milk" ads, isn't he? AHA!! Gotcha, imposters!! But I will admit the narrative is captivating. You'd best not be planning on turning this into one of those endless "To be continued" threads (Like a certain Michael we could name) You will eventually be called to account for your actions and you'll find we can be ruthless in our self-righteous retribution. What could happen to you will make what's been done to the Iraqui detainees in Cuba look like a weekend at an all-inclusive Sandals Resort. |
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06-13-2004
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#68 (permalink) | |
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Class Clown
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Posts: 14,212
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Quote:
Damned straight there better be more...whoever you are!! But I better not be seeing any more thinly-veiled threats directed towards my friend Scott. He's my hero, along with his youthful ward and sidekick, Don Julio. |
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06-13-2004
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#69 (permalink) |
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añejo
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore of Baahhstun, Massachusetts
Posts: 23,228
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Scott:
What a read!!!! I've usually been more of a Stephen King/Dean Koontz fan, but you just might have me lookin' in a different section of the book store now! Keep it going, dude. Ya got me hooked! |
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06-13-2004
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#70 (permalink) |
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Rastaman
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Austin Tx
Posts: 12,845
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thats some serious stuff...man the A.L.F. oh my gosh those dudes are bad news scott...I have heard about them down here not to long ago...I cant believe they got you...what the hell did you do...please tell us....
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06-13-2004
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#72 (permalink) | ||
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life=playa
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Playa Del Carmen !
Posts: 942
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(and probably a nibble or two from a form of fungi found growing from a cow patty) to come up with this whopper - hmmm, maybe it is Scott after all. - Tyra |
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06-13-2004
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#73 (permalink) |
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añejo
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Cerca de Washington DC
Posts: 3,343
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Can't be Scott, he can't put two sentences together unless it involves drinking......wait a minute, agave, tequila, A.L.F. those all involve or revolve around drinking.
But there is still the milk issue! |
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06-13-2004
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#74 (permalink) | |
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way into it
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
Posts: 184
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Quote:
Bump: It is Scott. It isn't the imposter. For the moment he appears to be alright. Around 0530, 13 June 2004 I received a message fro PI Harvey Wallbanger. (Yes, I went ahead an fronted the funds after receiving authorization from Higher Authority.) Wallbanger has infiltrated the ALF and is with Scott in Jalisco Province, a bit north of Guadalahara. He assures me we will be receiving further communications from TX in the near future and that he (Scott) is alive, well and consuming nourishment. Specifically, HW smuggled some of the forbidden liquid fruit to him in a milk carton. The idiots never caught on! I believe Our Hero's 18 years of home schooling in Marine Corps Reconnaisance matters will serve him well. I have asked Wallbanger to arrange for TX to be removed from the dirt floored squalor in which he is being kept so that he can obtain a "Death Before Dishonor" tatoo. I thought that would be better than a USMC bulldog so that his dogs would not be offended when he triumphatly returns home. I am at the ready. My camos are on; my bush hat is at a jaunty angle; and my dress blues have been removed from the closet in preparation for the awards ceremony in Austin once the Protector of Freedom has returned. Until the cisis is over, please avoid more than three fingers of single malt at any one time. We must remain sharp and ever vigilant. Over and out...Former Corporal Manchester, USMC |
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06-13-2004
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#75 (permalink) | |
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Class Clown
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Winnipeg, Canada
Posts: 14,212
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Quote:
Now, if you make Scott laugh, Chinaco comes out his nose. Mostly. |
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