FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Corporate Zodiac

**Bumper** · 06-11-2004

Loved your booze related Horoscope, Denise, and I offer the following in response. Nowhere near as clever as yours, I admit, but perhaps worth a moment's attention. I'm pretty sure I have a horoscope squirreled away somewhere, so I'll see if I can dig it up and post it later.

The Corporate Zodiac

Astrology tells us about people’s nature, and predicts their future, by examining the time, date and location of their birth. The Chinese “animal” zodiac employs the year of a person’s birth to determine their character tendencies. The science of demographic analysis tells us what people like, dislike, whom they voted for, as well as what they buy and what they watch on television.

The Corporate Zodiac goes a step further. Simply from looking at an individual’s job title, people can pretty much discern an employee’s hidden personality traits

MARKETING:
You are ambitious, yet stupid. You chose a career in marketing to avoid the necessity of studying in university, preferring instead to concentrate on drinking and socializing...which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

SALES:
Laziest of all the Corporate Signs, frequently referred to as a “marketer without a degree.” You are self-centred and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid all contact with customers, so you can “concentrate on the big picture.” You seek recognition of your golf game, clothes, car, and sex appeal throughout your career

CUSTOMER SERVICE:
Bright, cheery, positive, and disgustingly out-going, you are a fifty cent cab ride from checking yourself into the nearest laughing academy. As children, very few of you asked your parents for your very own little cubicle, and a headset, so you could play “Customer Service.” Continually passed over for promotions, your only hope for advancement is to sleep with your boss.

TECHNICAL SUPPORT:
Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to control everything that happens in your workplace. Typically, you attended a trade school, because you claim not to have had time for “all the crap” that went along with going to university. More often than not, even you don’t understand most of what you are saying, but no one else but the engineers know anyway. It is written that the Geeks shall inherit the Earth, but Senior Management is contesting the will.

ENGINEERING:
One of the only two signs that actually studied anything in school. It’s said that sixty percent of the people on the Internet are either engineers, or wish they were. You are easily made happy by being with yourself, and possessing the latest technology in your field. Your office is typically full of the latest gadgets, catalogues, trade publications, and half-finished spec sheets for projects that are weeks behind schedule.

ACCOUNTING:
The only other sign that studied in school, you are generally immune from office politics. You are normally the most feared person in the organization. Largely due to your highly-developed organizational skills, and ruthless efficiency, the majority of your co-workers are convinced you are completely without feelings or emotion. You are often caught in the washroom, practicing your withering gaze in the mirror.

HUMAN RESOURCES:
Ironically, given your unrestricted access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip in the organization. Possibly the only other person who does less work than those involved in marketing, you are unable to return any calls today, because you have to get a haircut, have lunch, and mail a letter. Your favourite expression is, “Now, don’t say anything, but......”

MID-LEVEL MANAGERS / DEPARTMENT HEADS / TEAM LEADERS:
Catty, cut-throat, and unreasonably ambitious, you are destined to remain at your current level for the rest of your life, unless a Senior Manager dies or retires. You tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule, and the number of subordinates you can intimidate into sleeping with you. You will presumably date / marry other Middle Managers, as everyone you permit into your group of acquaintances must be at least a Middle Manager, for appearance’s sake.

SENIOR MANAGERS:
You enjoy the appearance of being the ultimate authority figure, but, actually, you are completely spineless, and determined to remain firmly entrenched in your current position for the rest of your life, unless the head of your organization dies or retires. Since you are unable to make even the simplest of decisions, you are inclined to gauge your importance by the number of Mid-Level Managers you can harass and terrify on any given day, and by insuring yours is the largest office in the building. You are most likely to date / marry another Senior Manager, since no other individuals are allowed within your social circle. Besides, no one else would have you.

Critter · 06-11-2004

That is harsh!

**tommy** · 06-11-2004

in my position Im all of the above +

babysitter
shrink
coach
minister
principal
teacher
guide
peer
friend
enemy
janitor
porter
technician
gardner
make-ready
artist
creator
negotiator
mediator
referee
and a few more....

Thank God for this Forum....and you Bumper
to remind me who I really am...Mostly

Donna · 06-12-2004

now if you were just any one of those at home, especially the gardner,janitor and the porter guy life would be good!at home he's the FLOATER !as in all he does here is float around the pool with a beer!

**Bumper** · 06-12-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by greek2me

now if you were just any one of those at home, especially the gardner,janitor and the porter guy life would be good!at home he's the FLOATER !as in all he does here is float around the pool with a beer!

And your point would be.....?

Mind you, cream always rises to the top, but then...turds float too!

(O-o-o-o-o! I'm gonna' get in trouble for that one!)

Donna · 06-12-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bumper

And your point would be.....?

Mind you, cream always rises to the top, but then...turds float too!

(O-o-o-o-o! I'm gonna' get in trouble for that one!)

no point just an observation! and i knew you would come up with something witty and slightly sick about the floater comment!

**Bumper** · 06-12-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by greek2me

no point just an observation! and i knew you would come up with something witty and slightly sick about the floater comment!

Always pleased to be of service, though I regret that I've apparently become that predictable. Perhaps I'd best shut up for a while to see if I can restore the air of mystery?

**tommy** · 06-12-2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by greek2me

now if you were just any one of those at home, especially the gardner,janitor and the porter guy life would be good!at home he's the FLOATER !as in all he does here is float around the pool with a beer!

I resemble that remark my dear...I did take out the trash once! I think...
and Bumper thanks for the help........................................... I think...

TAPPY · 06-12-2004

Dont say anything but........
I am a HR manager for a very large bank and we always use out access to confidential information to our own advantage !!!!

(just kidding- mostly)

06-11-2004	#1 (permalink)
Bumper Class Clown Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Winnipeg, Canada Posts: 9,105	FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Corporate Zodiac Loved your booze related Horoscope, Denise, and I offer the following in response. Nowhere near as clever as yours, I admit, but perhaps worth a moment's attention. I'm pretty sure I have a horoscope squirreled away somewhere, so I'll see if I can dig it up and post it later. The Corporate Zodiac Astrology tells us about people’s nature, and predicts their future, by examining the time, date and location of their birth. The Chinese “animal” zodiac employs the year of a person’s birth to determine their character tendencies. The science of demographic analysis tells us what people like, dislike, whom they voted for, as well as what they buy and what they watch on television. The Corporate Zodiac goes a step further. Simply from looking at an individual’s job title, people can pretty much discern an employee’s hidden personality traits MARKETING: You are ambitious, yet stupid. You chose a career in marketing to avoid the necessity of studying in university, preferring instead to concentrate on drinking and socializing...which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales. SALES: Laziest of all the Corporate Signs, frequently referred to as a “marketer without a degree.” You are self-centred and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid all contact with customers, so you can “concentrate on the big picture.” You seek recognition of your golf game, clothes, car, and sex appeal throughout your career CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, and disgustingly out-going, you are a fifty cent cab ride from checking yourself into the nearest laughing academy. As children, very few of you asked your parents for your very own little cubicle, and a headset, so you could play “Customer Service.” Continually passed over for promotions, your only hope for advancement is to sleep with your boss. TECHNICAL SUPPORT: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to control everything that happens in your workplace. Typically, you attended a trade school, because you claim not to have had time for “all the crap” that went along with going to university. More often than not, even you don’t understand most of what you are saying, but no one else but the engineers know anyway. It is written that the Geeks shall inherit the Earth, but Senior Management is contesting the will. ENGINEERING: One of the only two signs that actually studied anything in school. It’s said that sixty percent of the people on the Internet are either engineers, or wish they were. You are easily made happy by being with yourself, and possessing the latest technology in your field. Your office is typically full of the latest gadgets, catalogues, trade publications, and half-finished spec sheets for projects that are weeks behind schedule. ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school, you are generally immune from office politics. You are normally the most feared person in the organization. Largely due to your highly-developed organizational skills, and ruthless efficiency, the majority of your co-workers are convinced you are completely without feelings or emotion. You are often caught in the washroom, practicing your withering gaze in the mirror. HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your unrestricted access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip in the organization. Possibly the only other person who does less work than those involved in marketing, you are unable to return any calls today, because you have to get a haircut, have lunch, and mail a letter. Your favourite expression is, “Now, don’t say anything, but......” MID-LEVEL MANAGERS / DEPARTMENT HEADS / TEAM LEADERS: Catty, cut-throat, and unreasonably ambitious, you are destined to remain at your current level for the rest of your life, unless a Senior Manager dies or retires. You tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule, and the number of subordinates you can intimidate into sleeping with you. You will presumably date / marry other Middle Managers, as everyone you permit into your group of acquaintances must be at least a Middle Manager, for appearance’s sake. SENIOR MANAGERS: You enjoy the appearance of being the ultimate authority figure, but, actually, you are completely spineless, and determined to remain firmly entrenched in your current position for the rest of your life, unless the head of your organization dies or retires. Since you are unable to make even the simplest of decisions, you are inclined to gauge your importance by the number of Mid-Level Managers you can harass and terrify on any given day, and by insuring yours is the largest office in the building. You are most likely to date / marry another Senior Manager, since no other individuals are allowed within your social circle. Besides, no one else would have you. __________________ Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a pristine, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally used up and worn out, shouting "Holy Shit...what a ride!!"

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06-11-2004	#2 (permalink)
Critter añejo Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Cerca de Washington DC Posts: 3,343	That is harsh!

06-11-2004	#3 (permalink)
tommy Moderator Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Tx Posts: 12,004	in my position Im all of the above + babysitter shrink coach minister principal teacher guide peer friend enemy janitor porter technician gardner make-ready artist creator negotiator mediator referee and a few more.... Thank God for this Forum....and you Bumper to remind me who I really am...Mostly

06-12-2004	#4 (permalink)
Donna añejo Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Austin,Tx. Posts: 3,301	now if you were just any one of those at home, especially the gardner,janitor and the porter guy life would be good!at home he's the FLOATER !as in all he does here is float around the pool with a beer!

06-12-2004	#9 (permalink)
TAPPY Weeziana peep Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Louisiana Posts: 14,621	Dont say anything but........ I am a HR manager for a very large bank and we always use out access to confidential information to our own advantage !!!! (just kidding- mostly)

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