FORUM FUN FEATURE!! Hurricane Survival Quiz

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I have to admit I have very little first hand knowledge on the subject of hurricanes. Frankly, that suits me just fine. It's a gap in my education that I have no trouble accepting. In our part of the world, these kinds of storms are not an issue. I can speak with some degree of expertise on such other matters as -40 degree temperatures, ice fog, windchill factors, freezing rain, blizzards, white-outs, black ice, springtime flooding, prairie gully-washer downpours, and mosquitos the size of Lear jets, but admit ignorance in such matters as hurricanes and tornados. Noting Tappy's recent post, and several references lately to the apparently approaching hurricane season, I felt the following might be of interest to those of you who will be forced to deal with this meteorological phenomenon.

Hurricane Survival Quiz

1. How are hurricane names selected?
a) Named after congressman who are full of hot air.
b) Names of spouses submitted by divorced people.
c) Page 824 of the Miami phone directory.
d) Hurricanes don’t care what you call them.

2. What do they call the most severe hurricanes?
a) Category 5
b) Red Alert.
c) Costly.
d) HOLY SHIT!!!!!

3. If Hurricane Guido, with winds in excess of 104 MPH leaves the Northwest African coast at 4:07 AM on Wednesday, and travels West at 16MPH, and Hurricane Isabel, with wind speeds of 93 MPH leaves Key West at a speed of 24 MPH on Thursday at 11:32 AM, when would they meet?
a) Tuesday at 3:18 PM, but their luggage would be in Paris.
b) Never, Isabel doesn’t want anything to do with a blowhard like Guido.
c) It’s a trick question. Hurricanes don’t depart from Key West.
d) Never, Guido says there’s no place for Isabel to stop and ask directions; she’ll probably end up in Rio.

4. You’re flying in a small, single-engine plane. You look up and see a hurricane directly ahead. What’s the first thing that enters your mind?
a) The windshield.
b) This is definitely the last time I fly no-frills.
c) I can’t stand the thought that she’s going to get EVERYTHING now!
d) I gotta change my shorts!

5. A hurricane is dangerous if...
a) You get in its way.
b) It’s had a REALLY bad day.
c) You try to stop it to ask directions.
d) You do not yield it the right-of-way.

6. How do forecasters know a hurricane is coming?
a) Hurricanes ALWAYS leave a forwarding address.
b) They have REALLY good binoculars.
c) Hurricanes LOVE the beach.
d) They send out a fleet of small boats and plot the sinking sights.


7. How can you protect your home in the event of a hurricane?
a) Sell it - QUICK!
b) Bury it and dig it up later.
c) Cover it with twigs and leaves and pretend it’s a big bush.
d) Two words - duct tape.

8. What is the first thing you should do if a hurricane is confirmed to be heading in your direction?
a) Make sure you have enough beer and munchies for the big hurricane party.
b) Air drop a road map to another area into the eye of the storm.
c) Put out all your trash for immediate air disposal.
d) Begin drawing up plans for the new home you’ll soon be building.

9. What should you NOT do if a hurricane is coming?
a) Begin those remodeling plans you’ve been putting off.
b) Put the cat or dog out (unless they’re on a REAL LONG leash).
c) Cancel your homeowner’s insurance.
d) Go on a weenie roast to the beach.

10. When is it a good time to evacuate your home?
a) When the water level reaches the roof.
b) When your in-ground swimming pool becomes airborne.
c) Shortly after your roof is declared a UFO.
d) When people ask why you constructed a home without outer walls.

11. Where should you evacuate to?
a) A nearby lowland to wait out the floods.
b) An elevated location, like the top of a radio tower, or on one of Florida’s many mountain peaks.
c) Anywhere that has a Happy Hour and free peanuts.
d) Out to sea on a small craft.

12. Why should you NOT stay close to the beach?
a) All the best spots are probably taken.
b) You’ll track in too much sand.
c) The storm clouds will severely restrict effective tanning.
d) It’s hard to stay put under 50 foot waves.

13. If the eye of the hurricane passes overhead, you should not:
a) Stare, it’s impolite.
b) Make direct eye contact.
c) Offer it some Visine.
d) Ask if it’s seen Dorothy and Toto.

14. What happens after the eye passes?
a) Stay very still; maybe it didn’t see you.
b) It can’t see you anymore.
c) You can expect an enormous nose, followed by a huge mouth, etc.
d) It winks and waves bye-bye.

15. What should you do first, after a hurricane passes?
a) Locate your computer.
b) Determine if your computer is operational.
c) Contact your insurance agent about replacing your computer.
d) See if your spouse, kids, and pets are around; get back to your computer.

16. Who should you turn to if you need help after a hurricane?
a) Local government (also blown away).
b) State government (can’t afford to help).
c) Federal government (doesn’t care).
d) Foreign governments (the Japanese are always looking for good investments).

17. What services should you expect to be without after a hurricane?
a) Electricity (no cold beer).
b) Telephone (no modem).
c) Your computer (Waaaaaaaahhh!!)
d) Call girls (Pray the rebuilding begins soon).

18. What happens a year after you’re hit by a hurricane?
a) You’re still looking for pieces of your home.
b) You’re still looking for pieces of your computer.
c) You’re still looking for pieces of yourself.
d) The government sees you’ve started rebuilding, and concludes you need no emergency disaster assistance.

[TAPPY]

You left out one for #14...

e) Get out and drive your car / truck and drive around to gawk and point at all the damage done, and then stop at a local Mcdonalds drive thru to see if the are serving lunch yet...... neverminding that the 2nd part (and most dangerous ) of the storm is still coming in about 20 mintues !!!!